We need to have a serious conversation about the concept of “pressing pause” on a relationship. It is perhaps the most cowardly dating move in existence, a way to keep someone on the hook while you go off and do whatever you want without consequence. It is not a pause button on a remote control; it is emotional limbo. One woman on Reddit recently lived through this exact nightmare scenario, and her story proves that sometimes the best replacement for a mediocre boyfriend is a very good boy with four legs.
The Original Poster (OP) found herself in a confusing situation when her boyfriend suddenly announced he was going through a tough time. He needed a break. Specifically, he said he was going to “press pause” on their relationship so he could go visit family in Washington and “work on himself.” When the OP asked the very logical question of how one actually pauses a relationship, he just told her to respect his need for time.
So he left. And then the silence set in. The OP, being a supportive partner, tried to text him just to make sure he arrived safely. Radio silence. She sent a few more texts. Nothing. Finally, she left a voicemail asking the question that was obviously on her mind: did you break up with me? He didn’t even dignify that with a response. After zero contact, she and her friends concluded that she had been ghosted. It was over.
When you get dumped via the silent treatment, you need a coping mechanism. The OP’s best friend suggested a new hobby or show, but the OP went a step further. She decided to adopt a dog. Now, her ex-boyfriend was horribly allergic to pet dander, so she had never considered getting one before. But since she was now single, that barrier was removed. She rescued a low-energy senior dog who needed a home. It was a perfect match.
Six weeks passed. Six whole weeks of the OP healing and bonding with her new furry companion. Then, out of the blue, her phone buzzed. It was the ghost. He texted saying he was back in town and coming over the next day to talk. The OP was understandably shocked and asked what he was talking about. His response? He was ready to “unpause” their relationship.
When the OP texted back asking “what relationship,” he ignored it. The audacity here is truly breathtaking. You cannot just disappear for a month and a half without a single text and expect to pick up right where you left off. He showed up at her door the next day, spouting nonsense about self-examination and his “life path,” and even suggested they move in together.
Then he saw the dog. He immediately started freaking out, asking how she could get a dog when she knew how sick it made him. The OP hit him with the cold, hard facts: she thought they were broken up, so his allergies were no longer her problem.
The ensuing argument is a masterclass in gaslighting. He claimed he never broke up with her because he had communicated that he was “pressing pause.” The OP correctly argued that ignoring texts for six weeks is the literal definition of ghosting. They went in circles until he claimed he was having an allergic reaction—while standing in the doorway—and left.
Now the OP is questioning if she is the ahole because he feels her getting a dog was a “horrible act of disregard.” Let’s be very clear here. It is not disregard to move on with your life when someone abandons you for six weeks. He didn’t want to be boyfriend and girlfriend; he wanted to be a free agent with a guaranteed backup plan waiting at home.
So is she the ahole? Absolutely not. NTA. Your best friend is right; this guy is a jerk. Do not break up with him because, congratulations, you are already broken up. He did that six weeks ago. Keep the senior dog who actually appreciates your company and change the locks before Mr. “Life Path” tries to unpause his way back into your living room.