We all know the classic “monster-in-law” trope, but usually, the drama involves a grandmother who is too obsessed with the baby. However, one husband on Reddit has introduced us to the opposite extreme: a mother-in-law who couldn’t care less about her upcoming grandchild because she’s too busy being a “Bridezilla” for her own upcoming nuptials. And the kicker? The husband is actually defending his mom’s “not my baby, not my problem” attitude while his pregnant wife is left reeling.
The Original Poster (OP) starts by explaining that his mom and his wife have a relationship that is “distant” at best. He claims he told his mom early on that his partner comes first, but it seems he may have forgotten that memo somewhere along the way. While his mother-in-law is treatng the pregnancy like her own personal “do-over baby” project, his own mother is barely putting in the effort to buy a decent gift for the baby shower.
The tension finally boiled over at a recent family wedding where everyone was seated at the same table. Naturally, some guests were asking the OP’s mom about her own wedding plans. When the MIL tried to pivot the conversation back to the upcoming baby, she pointed out that the OP’s mom didn’t seem very excited about becoming a grandma. Instead of a polite “oh, I’m just busy,” the mom decided to go full savage.
The mom literally laughed in their faces and told the table that she is getting married and “doesn’t care about anything else.” When the wife, understandably hurt, pushed back, the mom doubled down. She told the pregnant woman that her own wedding was “much more exciting” than someone else’s baby. She even hit them with the “not my baby” logic when reminded she was talking about her own grandchild.
While the wife was mouthing “I literally hate you”—which, let’s be honest, is a pretty fair reaction to being told your child is a secondary event—the OP was apparently taking notes on how to be the most unsupportive husband of the year. Instead of standing up for his wife and their unborn child, he waited until they left the party to tell her she was being “unfair” to his mom.
The OP’s logic is that since the two women don’t like each other, his mom is “right” to prioritize her wedding over her grandchild. He actually said out loud that he understands why his mom’s wedding is more exciting for her than his own child’s arrival. It’s the kind of “logical” argument that completely ignores the fact that his wife is currently growing a human being and probably needs her husband to not act like his mother’s defense attorney.
The wife was, obviously, offended. She told him that he shouldn’t have taken his mom’s side and that he disrespected their baby. And she is 100% correct. There is a time and a place for “neutrality,” but when your mother is telling your pregnant wife that her child is an “else” and a “someone else’s baby” in front of a whole table of people, the time for neutrality has passed.
The OP seems to think that because his mom “understands” that not liking the mother means not being close to the child, everything is fine. But that is a heartbreaking reality for a child to walk into. He is essentially pre-authorizing his mother to be an absentee grandmother because she’s having a “Main Character” moment with her second (or third, or fourth) wedding.
The internet is collectively face-palming at this one. Being a “supportive husband” doesn’t mean you agree with everyone’s right to be an ahole; it means you protect your wife from people who treat her—and her pregnancy—as an inconvenience. The mom is entitled to be excited about her wedding, but she isn’t entitled to be a b!tch about her grandchild.
So, is the husband the ahole? Yes. YTA. You didn’t just take your mom’s side; you basically told your wife that her pregnancy is a side-show to your mom’s big day. Good luck with the “partner comes first” policy, because right now, it looks like your mom’s bridal veil is the only thing you’re focused on.
What do you think? Is the mom just being “honest,” or is the husband totally failing at his one job? Let us know if you think this baby is going to end up with a very lonely “Grandma’s Wedding” photo album instead of a real relationship.