We all want our kids to be successful and financially stable, but there is a very fine line between “guiding” your child and “micromanaging” their entire future until they snap. One dad on Reddit is currently learning the hard way that just because you love your job in tech doesn’t mean your daughter is destined to follow in your footsteps. If you have ever had a parent try to “pick” your career for you like they’re playing a real-life game of The Sims, this story is going to trigger some major memories.
The Original Poster (OP) is a computer scientist who is absolutely convinced that his 17-year-old daughter is destined to be “one of the greatest data scientists ever.” He’s been “influencing” her since she was ten years old, which is a very polite way of saying he’s been lecturing her about coding while she was still playing with dolls. He sees tech as the ultimate gold mine and wants her to have a bright future without any financial struggles, which sounds great in theory, but falls apart the second you realize she actually hates the field.
The daughter has been trying to tell him for years that she’s just not that into it. She took a couple of tech classes in early high school and decided that was enough for a lifetime. Now, as a senior, she wants to pursue psychology or a business major. Instead of listening to her interests, the OP has decided to tear down her choices with some pretty savage commentary. He claims she doesn’t have the “social skills” to be a psychologist because she’s autistic, and he even pointed out that she “couldn’t handle her brothers,” so how could she handle adults with issues? It is the kind of dismissive, hurtful logic that makes you want to reach through the screen and give this girl a hug.
The tension finally boiled over when they sat down to look at university programs. The daughter picked out several Bachelor of Commerce options, and the OP immediately started pushing her back toward computer science. When she asked the million-dollar question—”Will you support me no matter what I pick?”—this dad actually laughed. He told her “not to give him a scare.” Imagine asking your parent for unconditional support for your future and having them treat it like a horror movie plot.
It’s no surprise that the daughter eventually snapped. She told him that she doesn’t care if data science is a gold mine; she hates it and feels like she’s been forced into it for seven years. She reminded him that it is her future, not his, and asked him how he would feel if his own father had forced him into law just because it paid well. She then did the classic teenager exit and stormed out of the room, leaving her dad finally realizing that he might have pushed her a little too hard.
Here is the thing: being “smart and capable” at something doesn’t mean you owe it to the world to do that thing for the next forty years. You can be a genius at math and still want to spend your life helping people through therapy. The OP’s comment about her autism and “social skills” is particularly gross. Many autistic people make incredible psychologists because they have a unique perspective on how brains work and a deep capacity for empathy. Using her neurodivergence as a reason to gatekeep her dreams is a total b!tch move.
The OP says he just wants her to have a “bright future,” but a future spent in a career you hate is anything but bright. It’s a fast track to burnout and resentment. If she’s as smart as he says she is, she will be successful in whatever she chooses. Whether it’s business, psychology, or underwater basket weaving, a smart person with passion is always going to out-earn a smart person who is miserable and “quiet quitting” a tech job they never wanted.
The irony of a computer scientist being “immature as h£ll” by laughing at his daughter’s career choice while calling business people “immature” is not lost on us. He is so blinded by his own love for his field that he can’t see his daughter as a whole person with her own desires. He’s treating her like an algorithm he can optimize for the highest salary output instead of a 17-year-old girl who is trying to find her place in the world.
Parents need to realize that their children are not “Version 2.0” of themselves. They are separate humans. The OP’s daughter made a great point: would he have wanted to be forced into social sciences if he loved tech? Of course not. So why is he doing the exact same thing to her? It’s a classic “do as I say, not as I do” situation that always ends in a fractured relationship.
The OP is wondering if he’s the ahole, and the answer is a resounding yes. You don’t get to laugh at your child’s dreams and then wonder why they’re storming out of the room. He has spent seven years making her feel like her own interests are “wrong” and his interests are “right.” That isn’t parenting; that is an internship she never applied for.
We hope this dad takes a long, hard look at himself and actually apologizes to his daughter. He needs to tell her that he will support her whether she’s a data scientist or a psychologist, and he needs to mean it. If he doesn’t, he might find that his “smart girl” uses those skills to calculate exactly how little contact she needs to have with him once she moves out for college.
What would you do if your parent tried to force you into a career you hated? Is “financial stability” worth a lifetime of misery, or should this dad just let her be a psychologist? Let us know in the comments if you think he needs to hit the “reset” button on his parenting style!
AI is going to change the tech world. It might be a big deadend.
YTA its her life not yous. You need to have an open mind, you might know her strengths and weaknesses but your not listening to what she wants. Have her show how she handles interacting with people not her relatives. Dealing with people who know the buttons to push like brothers is not a good example of her potential. If you were willing to fund her education when it was what you wanted you would be the asshole if you won’t fund what she wants.