We have seen some pretty questionable parenting “lessons” in our time, but one dad on Reddit just reached a level of petty that is honestly hard to believe. Imagine having a fourteen-year-old daughter who is finally learning to love her natural curls, only to decide that her hygiene is the perfect place to “draw the line” because you’re still annoyed she doesn’t look like you. If you’ve ever wanted to witness a man prioritize twenty bucks over his child’s self-esteem and a basic understanding of biology, you’re in the right place.
The Original Poster (OP) has three daughters, but he has a very specific bone to pick with the middle child. While the rest of the family has straight brown hair and brown eyes, the middle daughter has curly blonde hair and green eyes. Instead of just appreciating her unique look, the OP admits he isn’t close to her because he spent years doubting she was even his. He literally had a hard time bonding with her because her genetics didn’t perfectly match his Pinterest board of what his kids should look like.
Now, the drama has moved from the paternity ward to the shower. The daughter, who actually has curly hair in a family of straight-haired people, realized she needs specific products to manage her texture. Anyone with a single curl on their head knows that you use about ten times more conditioner than shampoo. It is a scientific fact. But the OP, who clearly thinks hair is hair regardless of the shape, decided that she was going through it “like water” and put her on a strict conditioner ration.
When the daughter—shocker—used the conditioner at the rate curly hair actually requires, the OP decided to go full villain. He went to the dollar store and bought her the cheapest, harshest stuff he could find. The daughter had a total meltdown, explaining that this was going to ruin the hair she finally learned to manage. Her father’s response? To claim that curly hair is “not different than straight hair” and to mock her for blaming the parents for not learning how to care for her hair type earlier in her life.
The daughter even threatened to shave her head in frustration, but the OP brushed it off because he thinks she is just “obsessed” with her hair. He sees her desire for basic hair care as a vanity project rather than a hygiene necessity. Now, she is refusing to speak to him, and he’s calling her “disrespectful” for being upset that her father is intentionally sabotaging her self-image over a couple of dollars a month.
The wife is ready to give in, but the OP is standing his ground because he thinks a fourteen-year-old needs to “learn her lesson.” What lesson exactly? That her father is an ahole? That he still resents her for her green eyes? Or that she can’t trust the person who is supposed to provide for her? It is the ultimate b!tch move to target the one kid you already don’t like with a “budget cut” that only affects her specific needs.
Let’s be real for a second: the OP’s ignorance about hair is only topped by his coldness toward his child. Curly hair is structurally different from straight hair; it is drier, more fragile, and requires moisture to not look like a literal bird’s nest. Forcing her to use dollar store shampoo—which is usually packed with harsh sulfates—is basically like telling her she has to walk around with a frizzy mess because he can’t be bothered to Google “the curly girl method.”
The fact that he tied his “doubts” about her paternity into a story about shampoo is the biggest red flag we have ever seen. He is essentially punishing a teenager for her genetics. He can’t change the fact that she has blonde curls, so he’s trying to k!ll the curls themselves. It is a level of psychological warfare that is honestly exhausting to read. If he’s still worried about her being his, he should get a DNA test and go to therapy, not take it out on her hair follicles.
A fourteen-year-old’s self-esteem is already hanging by a thread, and for a curly-haired kid in a straight-haired family, feeling like the “odd one out” is already hard enough. By refusing to provide the products she needs to feel confident, he is telling her that her identity is a burden. He is more worried about being “right” and saving ten dollars than he is about his daughter feeling beautiful and cared for.
The OP is wondering if he is the ahole, and the answer is a resounding, echoing yes. He is a “grade A ahole” who is letting his own insecurities and ignorance damage his relationship with his child. His daughter isn’t being “disrespectful”; she is reacting to a father who has openly admitted he doesn’t want to bond with her. She isn’t “obsessed” with her hair; she is trying to manage a part of her body that her parents were too lazy to learn about for fourteen years.
So, NTA? Not a chance. We hope the mom goes out and buys her daughter the biggest bottle of professional conditioner she can find. And as for the OP, we hope he realizes that “teaching a lesson” usually works better when you aren’t the one acting like a total child. If he keeps this up, he’s going to find himself with a daughter who shaves her head just to spite him and moves out the second she turns eighteen.
What would you do if your partner admitted they didn’t bond with your child because of their hair color? Is it time for this dad to finally get a DNA test and a soul, or should the daughter just “suck it up”? Let us know in the comments if this guy is the biggest “fart” of the week!