We have all been there: you wake up from a dream feeling a little disoriented, maybe even a little grumpy because your partner did something annoying in your subconscious. Usually, you shake it off, grab a coffee, and laugh about how weird your brain is. But for one 23-year-old on Reddit, her boyfriend’s dream has turned into a literal relationship sh!t-show. Imagine waking up to find out you are in the doghouse for something a “dream version” of you did while the real you was peacefully sleeping. If you have ever been accused of a crime that literally only happened in someone else’s imagination, this story is going to make you want to scream into a pillow.
The Original Poster (OP) recently bought a new kitchen table, and since she isn’t exactly a pro at furniture assembly and her boyfriend kept procrastinating, she did the logical thing and hired a handyman. While the guy was working, the OP’s friend was being a total wingwoman for a guy who wasn’t even there, commenting on how “hot” the handyman was and telling the OP she should tip him well. The boyfriend was present for this and tried to bait the OP into agreeing, but she wisely chose not to entertain the stupid conversation. She just wanted her table built, not a side of drama.
A few days later, the boyfriend woke up absolutely furious. Why? Because in his dream, the OP wasn’t just building furniture; she was “cheating” on him with that exact same handyman. And he didn’t just wake up a little rattled; he woke up ready for war. He claimed the dream was “extremely graphic and vivid” and that the “dream OP” was making fun of him while she did the deed. He told her the scenes made him sick and that he wished he could unsee the movie his own brain directed, produced, and starred in.
Instead of comforting him for his bad dream, the OP hit him with a dose of cold, hard reality. She told him he was crazy for being angry at her for something she had absolutely no control over. Her argument was actually kind of iconic: the version of her in his dream is just a projection of his own insecurities. She pointed out that she wasn’t the one “riding the handyman” and making fun of him—his own brain was the one doing that to him for some weird, f*cked-up reason.
The couple is now locked in a massive argument because she refuses to apologize for her dream-self’s behavior. Let’s be real for a second: apologizing for a dream is a slippery slope. If you start saying sorry for things you did while unconscious, where does it end? “I’m sorry I turned into a giant squirrel and ate the house”? It is a b!tch move to hold a real person accountable for the internal cinema of your own mind. The OP is standing her ground, and honestly, we are here for it.
The emotional commentary on this is pretty simple: the boyfriend is being a total ahole. It is one thing to feel a little insecure after a nightmare, but it is a whole other level of bullsh!t to start a real-life fight over it. He is treating her like she actually betrayed him, when the only person who “betrayed” him was his own subconscious. It sounds like he’s projecting some serious jealousy issues onto her, and instead of dealing with his feelings like a 25-year-old man, he’s acting like a petulant child.
If your partner is so insecure that a “vivid” dream can k!ll the vibe for days, you have a much bigger problem than a kitchen table. The fact that he’s clinging to this anger suggests he doesn’t actually trust her in the real world. A healthy adult says, “Wow, I had a really messed up dream about you,” and then moves on. They don’t demand an apology for a fantasy. It’s the ultimate “main character” move to think your partner owes you penance for your own brain’s weirdness.
The OP is wondering if she is the ahole, and the internet is shouting a resounding “NO.” She didn’t do anything wrong. She didn’t flirt with the handyman, she didn’t agree with her friend’s comments, and she definitely didn’t “participate” in a dream. She was just a woman who wanted a table. To expect her to apologize for a movie he played in his own head is high-level manipulation that is honestly a bit scary.
This story is a sh!t-show of misplaced blame. The boyfriend is sick to his stomach? Fine. He can’t unsee it? Also fine. But that is HIS burden to carry, not hers. By trying to force her to apologize, he is trying to make her take responsibility for his own lack of emotional control. It is total bullsh!t to treat your partner like a criminal because you had a nightmare that they were “making fun of you.”
So, NTA (Not the ahole). The OP should continue to refuse that apology. If she gives in now, she’s essentially agreeing that she is responsible for his thoughts. She should tell him that when he’s ready to join the real world where she is a faithful girlfriend who just wanted a place to eat dinner, he knows where to find her. Until then, he can keep arguing with the girl in his dreams.
What would you do if your partner demanded an apology for something you did in their sleep? Is this a sign of a deeper jealousy issue, or is he just “shaken up” by a bad dream? Let us know in the comments if she should say sorry to keep the peace or if he needs to grow the f*ck up!