Ok ok I know that sounds terrible so here comes context. First thing that’s important to know is we did not grow up together, I met him when he was 10 and I was 12, and sporadically interacted since then, but I’m the oldest out of a total of 4 girls and 3 boys, so I have a strong sense of responsibility for being the oldest. I had custody of my oldest sister when I was 18, and she’s since moved on to college and such.
In January my and my fiancé moved into a house together, we split bills 50/50 and while money is tight during slow seasons at work, we can afford our bills/lifestyle. My mom asked if my brother could stay with us, temporarily, until he could move in with friend at the end of tax return season. Me and my fiancé decided that was OK, but he’d have to provide his own food
Well that’s where issues started. February he moved in and the first thing I noticed was his hygiene. I could smell his BO in the hallway. I politely offered him some soap and a change of clothes (he said that’s why he couldn’t shower). The water Ran for maybe 5 minutes, and his soap bar wasn’t even wet. I pointed that out to his but he INSISTED he used soap so I just moved on
Then he continued to “invite” himself to dinner (I cook from scratch every night for me and my fiancé, leftovers are usually our lunch the next day) and at first I felt to bad to say no, which made this difficult for us financially until I eventually put my foot down and reminded him that he was too before moving in that we could not provide him food.
The list goes on. Lying about hygiene, lying about drawings/art, getting mad at us for me and my fiancés conversations when he’s on TikTok live (he’s on all day, and carries the tablet around everywhere including in common areas, without asking or telling us that we’re in the video), missing food, kept his dog in a crate 24/7 and let it shit on the floor, was going to leave his dog seizing so bad that me and my fiancé took it to the vet, and it died in my arms on the car ride.
Today I got my light bill and saw it was $100 more than when he moved in, when me and my fiancé have been using less power (weathers getting warmer so thermostat off, and work is busier so less time at home)
He recently got called out on lying about showering when he was wearing the same clothes for a week, and I put a scrap of paper in the lid of his shampoo and under his soap bar so I know he hasn’t used them (I know that’s sounds insane but I try to believe people aren’t lying unless I have proof). Also, I know it petty, but he has no social awareness and will speak very rudely, and also invite himself into “couple time” so to speak. We can’t get any time just us unless we are in our bedroom.
Anywho I know this is pretty much a rant but come last week of February I told him if he was still here in may he would start paying $125 a week for rent, which includes everything but food. Utilities, washer and dryer, borrowing my cookware and dishes, etc. he complained that our grandma only charged him $50 a week but I put my foot down, and said that’s what I used to pay my cousin for the same deal, with a much smaller room and no furniture. Also he’s been unemployed since September, he gets money for food by selling plasma, and he spends it all on soda and chips then will make passive-aggressive comments as we eat dinner about how he’s hungry, and hasn’t had x-type of food in a long time.
Well it’s now April and he has not even had an interview. He claims he’s been applying places but given his previous record on honesty I’m not sure. I’ve reminded both him and my mom that I AM serious, and come may 1st if he doesn’t pay hell have to move out. (For what it’s worth she’s typically on my side so-to-speak, and tries to talk to him about hygiene and such).
I don’t want him to be homeless, but this time last year I was homeless. I sold plasma to pay my cousin until I got my first paycheck (long onboarding process but pays well now). Bought groceries from the dollar tree, and did everything I could to continue moving forward. It’s not like the job market here is terrible, I got multiple interviews within a week, and had no direct experience related to my job (I had motorcycle-related experience, I now work with cars).
I understand I was very lucky in many ways, but he has been as well. And for anyone curious, it’s not like my fiancé steamrolled everything for me. When we first started dating we split dates 50/50, and even now we both deposit the same amount of money in the bill account weekly. Any bills that are individual are paid separately (our own phone bills, auto insurance, etc.)
I don’t want his to be on the street but if I don’t follow through then I’ll have no leverage. Don’t know why I’m making this post, just getting it all out tbh.
If anyone has any questions I’ll answer them
Comments
You did everything right, stand your ground. He needs to learn how adult life is and he can’t do that if someone picks up the pieces for him everytime he gets into some shit.
I know how it feels when you think you can’t abandon family in a way, but you pushed hard to get out of all your misery and he needs to learn that too. You can’t save him from that, only for the cost of your own sanity and money. Why should you struggle financily only to feed him, pay the electricty bill and stuff when he just wastes his money? You clearly told everything in the beginning and if he doesn’t follow it he needs to live with the consequences!