Throwaway account
So, my step-MIL really crossed a line the other day. I’m a mom of five—11, 9, 7, a 10-month-old, and a newborn—and let me tell you, yesterday was one of those chaotic days where everything felt like an uphill battle. I usually have a good handle on things, keeping the kids on a tight schedule for school and after-school activities, but it was just one of those days.
After I finally got all the kids to bed, my husband came home, gave me a kiss, and we chatted about our days and our weekend plans, including a date night on Saturday. While he hopped in the shower, I got in bed to breastfeed the newborn and catch some TV. It was around 8:45 PM, and my oldest goes to bed at 9 PM. Suddenly, my 10-month-old starts crying, and I couldn’t really move since I was feeding the baby.
So, I called my oldest over and asked if she could help with the baby. She was super excited and jumped at the chance and said “Really? I get to help with the baby!!!” I don’t ever ask her to help with the younger kids which is why she was happy (I think). I walked her through every step—getting the bottle from the warmer, feeding, the whole deal. They were having a little playtime, which made it take longer, but by the time I finished with the newborn nd had changed the 10-month-old, it was about 9:05 PM.
When I tucked my daughter in, she was thrilled, saying she got to stay up past her bedtime and felt like a big kid. Fast forward to today when my step-MIL and FIL stopped by for lunch. The kids had a day off from school, and my daughter happily recounted her big-kid moment to them. I even gave her some candy as a thank-you for helping out. Then, my step-MIL came outta nowhere and accused me of abusing my daughter for “forcing” her to stay up and help parent. I told her that wasn’t the case at all—I asked, she agreed, and it was just a small task. Plus, my husband was getting out the shower and then he was busy with the boys who kept getting out of bed.
Then she said she might call CPS on me because I’m a bad mom. I snapped and told her to STFU—like seriously, chill out over a minor situation. My FIL thought I overreacted. So, AITAH?
Comments
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NTA
Step-MIL wouldn’t be allowed in my house or near my kids ever again! Protect your family from that crazy lady.
NTA, Your MIL and FIL are idiots. And your daughter is proud of herself!
NTA she’s lost her mind if she thinks you forced anything and anyone who’s ever had a kid knows that staying up for a whole extra 5 minutes occasionally never hurts anything
NTA and I would be stepping back for a while till she understood how wrong she was.
Yes, parentification is a real problem that too many people don’t take seriously enough, but to threaten CPS after one incident is wild, especially as she didn’t want to take any other steps first.
NTA
You handled yourself, now your husband needs to double down. He needs to talk to his dad and step mom and be very clear what he thinks about this bs. Not only did she insult and threaten you and honestly threaten your kids with cps invading their lives, she then ruined and demeaned the contribution your 10 yr old was so proud of.
OP, I don’t care what ANYONE says … from THIS day forward, do not EVER have that hepha and your FIL in your home again. I don’t care if they apologize. Visit them in their home if you must but they are never to come to your home again. Also, I’d assign both of their phone numbers a silent ring/text tone. Yeah, you’d best manage these two with prejudice. Give them no quarter. You and your husband might want to consider a rule that I was raised with – “what’s said in this house, stays in this house”.
The nerve!
NTA and what did your spouse say?
It sounds like a lovely bonding moment between two siblings to me. Parentification is an issue, but this isn’t it imo. MIL sounds like a drama queen NTA
I’m praying this is ragebait, because if not, your MIL is ridiculous and can’t be trusted.
NTA. She threatened to call CPS so you should cut her off completely. She threatened to traumatize all of your children with a CPS investigation. That, for me, would be the end of any contact.
She threatened to call CPS. That needs to be taken seriously. Cut contact immediately until she apologizes. NTA
She threatened to call CPS. That needs to be taken seriously. Cut contact immediately until she apologizes. Heck even with an apology I’d still be no contact for a while. NTA
Seriously? What’s wrong with that woman the daughter was happy to do it and it’s not like you’re forcing her to help out beyond her means. I can’t imagine how chaotic it would be with 5 children asking the eldest to help once and awhile is completely different than parentfication you asked her if she could she was happy to do it and got rewarded for it.
CPS is not an idle threat. NTA
Sorry but a threat to call CPS is not a joke, it can lead to lots of legal headaches even if you are in the right. Also, she is delusional about the abuse. You are fine. I would personally keep my distance from people that think my business is their business. Sorry but she will continue to give you trouble if you don’t have boundaries with her
Nta. Do not leave her inside your home. She is disgusting. You did what you had to do. Ywbta to back down on this. I hope your husband is backing you
I get that people worry that in larger families the older kids get parentified, but that was clearly not the case here. She went to bed not very late and was excited to help. Sounds like she’s psrentified? Hardly. I think it’s rich that FIL thought YOU were overreacting when you and your children were threatened with CPS when step monster hugely overreacted by even mentioning CPS. They need to have grandparent time taken away or severely limited just for the threat.
NTA. You are doing what thousands of mothers have done over the years, only better than most I know of. When there is a problem, you enlist the older kids to help for a short time. You don’t parentify them, you use them for occasional backup. Obviously you don’t do this very often as supported by your daughter’s reaction.
Step-monster in law, however, committed an unforgivable crime. She threatened to call CPS. All future contact with her needs to be through your attorney. (And you do need to consult a family law attorney for protection.) Too many innocent parents have had to go through hell to regain custody of their children because of false accusations. You should never trust her around you or your children again.
She threatened to call CPS and you’re the one overreacting?!? These people are nuts.
NTA
When somebody accuses you of abuse like that, it’s time to cut their access to the family.
NTA. She would be kicked out of my house so fast her head would spin. FIL needs to tell HIS WIFE that SHE overreacted and an apology is due.
I think the most rewarding thing about Reddit is reading about people fucking up in ways i never held possible. Your MIL just raised the bar to another galaxy. What a moron…
Honestly, after the CPS remark i’d permaban her from my and my kids life’s. She is really, really dangerous!
Nta
She just lost any and all rights to grandparent
Threaten me with CPS??
That’s called fafo
My feeling is maybe she was attempting some dry humour but it fell flat cause there are some things you do not joke about,
NTA
Firstly what your daughter did wasn’t a small task. She stayed up and it took her 1 hour. So let’s not downplay her contribution!
By the sound of it, helping your 10 month old was a one off, and your daughter was happy to do it. She was very proud of herself, as she should be. I don’t have an issue with it, as long as you don’t make a habit of it, not parentifying your child. As long as she’s happy and only does it per exception, there’s nothing wrong with it.
Usually it’s best when you each deal with your side of the family. Your husband should have been on it and put her back in her place. What was your husband’s reaction? What did he tell his stepmother? What did he tell his father when he told you he thought you overreacted?
NTA – time to go no contact with the in-laws. Let your husband tell them that they are no longer welcome in your home and explain why.
That’s a total bitch move on her part.. she off her meds? What a cow. I’d have told her to fuck off, so you handled it better than me.
She is NOT SAFE TO BE AROUND. She absolutely will make phone calls and false accusations. She will ENDLESSLY double down on this. Good Luck!( document everything)
You are NTA. If anybody overreacted it was your step mother-in-law. To threaten to call CPS over your daughter going to bed 5 minutes late and just helping with the feeding and you didn’t force her you asked her sounds crazy to me. Also you had a right to be upset with her she threatened to call CPS on you. that’s a serious matter.
How is it that your in laws know this occurred? Is your family staying with them? Maybe MIL has witnessed more than you are willing to own up to. From experience, large families can parentify their kids, often without realizing.
She is crazy. Do not let her be around your family. Talk to your 10 year old and tell them again how proud you are of the job they did helping out. Don’t let the step MIL dim your child’s light.
No contact should be automatic once they gratuitously mention CPS.
My question is how your husband reacted to her comments?
NTA I wouldn’t let her in the door again if I were you, she sounds like an A-hole
NTA
CPS is the nuclear option but you overreacted? Just the threat of calling CPS, of having MY KIDS TAKEN FROM ME, would be a no contact scenario for me. Backing up SMIL would be, too. Just sayin.
A grandma here…You’re NTA.
You need to remind your step MIL she’s not your child’s grandparent and she just said the magic words “cps” therefore she’s not welcome in your home or around your kids anymore. People who threaten to call in a shitty govt agency that’s mediocre on a good day and lets kids die under their watch on a bad day doesn’t get to see your family ever again.
Ladies….any mention of CPS or grandparents rights warrant a 100 percent cut off.
Nta. My older two kids constantly hoover over my toddler. I’m having to tell them to let me parent and go do kid shit. I guess my kids are abusing themselves lol
Tell your mother-in-law that as a social worker, I would be pissed if I got call like this. I once had to sit for six hours with an eight-year-old girl who had experienced extreme trauma by the hands of her uncle and father. It was heart wrenching and I think I cried for three days straight after that…. This would have me livid for wasting my time and government resources
NTA
I would keep step-MIL out of your home for a while. A threat to call CPS should be taken seriously. She just made it clear that she isn’t trustworthy.
NTA
Tell her to call CPS. Encourage it.
And then never let her step foot in your home again or be around them. When the CPS investigation is over, and they find the complaint unsubstantiated, you can smile and gladly tell her to STFU and that she’s not welcome.
So your husband was home , correct? Why isn’t he helping? Else I’d go and get your tubes tied. Why are you having kids with someone who provides no support in raising them?
threatening with a call to CPS … for me thats a red line crossed – o more visit the step-grandchildren
One threat about CPS and it’s no contact for step grandma. And your husband better back you