We all have our little vices that get us through the day. Some of us need that morning coffee before we can function as human beings, and others have a specific skincare routine that cannot be disturbed under penalty of death. But usually, these quirks are pretty standard stuff. One woman on Reddit, however, is dealing with a partner whose specific vice is… fruit. Yes, you read that correctly. Her boyfriend is obsessed with apples, and apparently, his crisp, red habit is tearing their relationship apart at the core.
The OP (Original Poster) explains that her boyfriend takes the old adage “an apple a day keeps the doctor away” a little too literally. In fact, he triples the dose. He eats a minimum of three apples every single day like clockwork. There is the morning commute apple, the lunch apple, and the pre-bedtime apple. He even demands they be kept in the fridge because he needs them “cold and crispy.” Honestly, wanting a cold apple isn’t exactly a crime against humanity, but the OP seems convinced this is the first sign of madness.
She complains that his habit is “expensive” and takes up too much fridge space. She also calls him “d*uchey” for throwing the cores out the car window, which, fair enough, nobody likes a litterbug, but it is biodegradable so maybe let’s pick our battles. The wildest part is that she genuinely questions if eating three pieces of fruit a day is “healthy.” In a world where people are chugging energy drinks and eating processed garbage, worrying about a man getting too much fiber feels like a stretch.
The drama really kicked off during a stressful grocery run. The OP described the store as a “complete clusterf*ck” and was so stressed trying to social distance that she forgot to buy the sacred apples. It happens. We have all forgotten the milk or the eggs. But when she got home and revealed the apple-free haul, her boyfriend didn’t just sigh and say he’d go later. He reportedly started “losing his sh!t.”
He panicked because he only had enough supply to last the night and wouldn’t have his emotional support apple for the morning drive. He claimed eating the apple calms his mind and eases his stress. Now, most partners would probably just laugh this off or offer to go back to the store. The OP, however, decided this was an intervention moment. She told him she was concerned about his coping mechanisms and actually offered to find him a therapist.
Imagine being a grown man stressed about your morning routine, and your girlfriend suggests professional psychiatric help because you like Granny Smiths too much. It is objectively hilarious and also deeply invalidating. The boyfriend didn’t take the diagnosis well. He got visibly stressed, hopped in the car, and drove himself to the grocery store to restock his supply.
The story ends with him returning with “a couple bags of apples” and locking himself in the basement. He hasn’t come out since. He is down there, presumably crunching away his sorrows in the dark, while the OP wonders what she did wrong. She claims she is “just concerned,” but usually concern doesn’t involve pathologizing a craving for fresh produce.
So, is the OP the ahole? The internet seems to think so. Unless he is eating the seeds in an attempt to acquire cyanide poisoning, let the man have his fruit. There are far worse things a partner could be addicted to. If the biggest problem in your relationship is that he occupies the crisper drawer and has good cholesterol, you are doing just fine.
Apologize to the apple man and maybe buy him a fruit basket as a peace offering. He is just trying to keep the doctor away, and now he has to hide in the basement to do it.
What would you do if your partner tried to send you to therapy for eating too much fruit? Would you share your apples, or would you lock the basement door too? Let us know in the comments if you think three apples a day is truly unhinged behavior!