My siblings all think i’m our parents’ golden child, but imo i was just their trophy daughter

I have always been known as the smart child of the family. Being the 4th child out of 5, i grew up independently like all my other siblings. Our parents were not the most hands on because they had to work hard to keep a family of 7 afloat. Chores were done by the eldest children and we were all on our own with homework. What made me stand out was how well I did academically. I did significantly better compared to my siblings, always top of my class, joined competitions, always curious, and loved reading. I felt a rift formed between me and my siblings growing up which now that we were older they admitted was because they “knew” i was the family’s favorite and it was all due to jealousy.

I grew up thinking i always got what i wanted, that i was lucky and i was extremely loved. But as i mentally matured i realized, the teddy bear i got in 2nd grade? I got it for perfecting 3 consecutive maths exams. The color pencil set i got in third grade? I got for being in the top 10 of my class, same with the movie player i got the same school year. The very 1st smart phone i got in 6th grade? I was consistently in the top 5 of my class. The laptop i received in 7th grade? I was 1st in my class for 2 consecutive grading quarters. My siblings were jealous of all these things i got from my parents. But they forgot the fact that my parents also bought my sister a doll, my brothers each their own stuffed toys that same moment my parents bought me the teddy bear. How all 3 of my older siblings were given their 1st smart phones when they were in their 4th grade, while my youngest brother got his 1st smart phone in 3rd grade. They got laptops roughly around the same time i did.

I feel like me receiving all those things seemed more important because my parents got to brag about my achievements and were seen rewarding me for my good work. But looking back they got the same “rewards” minus the academic achievements i presented. The things i got were transactional while they got things just cause.

What’s worse? My parents put so much pressure into me doing good. I got an 89 in 1 subject? My mother angrily looked for me in school and scolded me until we got home. I fell off being 1st in class (got 3rd instead)? My parents refused to let me attend our school’s ceremony. I am in no way the golden child, i was just the child who overachieved.

And mind you, behind closed doors? (When my older sibling were sent to our grandmother for financial reasons) My mother was adamant about letting me know she hated me. She physically abused me. Pulled my hair, threw things at me, cut my hair as punishment because i wasnt “keeping it neat” (i always brushed my hair as she demanded but it was always frizzy, later in life i found out my hair is extremely curly. My older sister had pin straight hair so my mother never had this problem with her). Never learned hygiene from my parents growing up because of how busy at work they were but i remember them getting so mad when i developed body odor, saying how i was embarassing them, how when people see me theyd think badly of my mother for always looking good while her daughter looked like shit.

I was called every swear word there is, even being called a “whore” by my own mother for finding me patrolling with a male classmate as i was on duty during a school event. My point is, until now i get the feeling my siblings think i was the favorite not knowing the stuff i had to go through when all 3 of the older siblings were away. I felt like the moment all 3 of them were gone it was like a switch flipped in my parents that lead them to abuse me and my younger brother. That is also why i am extremely close to my youngest brother, cause we endured the same abuse. I will always be protective of him, because i knew he continued to endure it after i was also sent off to college. But to other people my parents were always seen as great parents.

And now that i am older, it seems like my parents forgot all 7 years of abuse they inflicted on me. I don’t hold a grudge now but i just feel indignant at the passive comments i get from siblings about how lucky i was for being the favorite.