I’m 25 years old, from Mongolia. I’m posting this because I don’t know where else to turn. I just need to get everything off my chest before it’s too late.
I grew up in what seemed like a stable, middle-to-high-class family, but that all changed after 5th grade. My father had affairs, and everything crumbled. My parents are still together, but their relationship is broken. There’s constant fighting, and my mom used to physically and mentally abuse me. I thought that was just how families are, that it was normal.
Most of my childhood, I tried to escape. I drank, did drugs, and sold drugs. I spent time in internet cafes or lived with my grandparents, but nothing felt stable.
Then I met my wife. She was strong, beautiful, and independent. She came from a tough background too, but she didn’t let it ruin her. She saved me from my destructive path. We built a life together, even started a business. For the first time, I thought I had something real.
But I ruined it. I got us into debt, lied to her, and broke her trust. I even drunk-dialed my ex. She forgave me, but eventually, after one of her vacations, she found my web history and saw that I’d been looking at my ex’s page. That was the final straw.
We split up. I couldn’t bear it. I went back to my parents’ house, but it was the same toxic environment. I wanted to get back with my wife, but she had already moved on.
A year ago, in May, I jumped from a 7-story apartment.
I survived. My spine was broken, but I didn’t die. The doctor told me it’s rare to survive something like that and still be able to walk. But I couldn’t see the point at first. Then I looked at my kids and felt shame. I almost took myself away from them. I pushed myself to get back on my feet—for them.
One of the only father figures I ever had was my wife’s dad. He supported me, told me it was okay to fail, and said he loved me. He treated me like a son. But after everything with my wife and I trying again and failing, he told her to stay away from me. He gave up on me. And I understand. I’ve failed so many times. I hurt her too much. But it still hurts. I will always love and respect him, no matter what.
Now, the anniversary of that day is coming, and I don’t know how to feel. I don’t know how to keep going. I know I have mental health issues, but where I’m from, nobody cares about that. I feel lost. The only reason I’m still alive is because of my kids.
This will be my last post. I just wanted to relieve everything I’ve been holding in for so long.