There is a terrifying trend in relationships where people confuse “brutal honesty” with “being a complete sociopath.” We are taught that honesty is the best policy, but there is a massive difference between telling your partner they have spinach in their teeth and telling them you aren’t attracted to their fundamental anatomy. One boyfriend on Reddit decided to cross that line, set it on fire, and then wonder why his girlfriend of three years left his apartment in tears.
The OP (Original Poster) starts by setting the scene of a three-year relationship that seemed perfectly fine on the surface. They have fun, they care about each other—the standard “we are happy” disclaimer before the inevitable crash. He notes that she is the first thin person he has ever been with. She is petite and flat-chested, whereas his historical preference has always been for women on the bigger side. Everyone has a “type,” sure, but usually, when you fall in love with someone who doesn’t fit that mold, you stop comparing them to your exes.
The trouble started during a casual Netflix night. The girlfriend, feeling vulnerable after a shopping trip where lingerie didn’t fit her chest properly, asked the question that every partner dreads: “Are you okay with me having a flat chest?” She admitted she was feeling insecure because he never really compliments that part of her body. This was a bid for reassurance. It was a moment for him to say, “I love you, and I think you’re s£xy.” Instead, he chose violence.
He told her the truth. But not just the truth—he told her the kind of truth that you can never unheard. He admitted that he isn’t attracted to her chest size and that he actually prefers bigger b**bs. He tried to soften the blow by saying it’s “not a turn off, but not a turn on,” which is the romantic equivalent of saying, “I tolerate your body.” But then, he dropped the nuclear bomb that has the comment section absolutely reeling.
He admitted—to her face—that the reason he usually prefers she “faces away” from him during intercourse is because of her chest size. Let that sink in for a moment. For three years, every time they have been intimate, he has physically turned her around so he doesn’t have to look at the body part he dislikes. He effectively told her that he has to pretend she is someone else, or at least numb himself to her appearance, just to be intimate with her.
Naturally, she shut down. She got quiet, said she had work in the morning, and went home. Later, she texted him saying she was hurt and felt like he had lied to her for years. And she is right. By omitting this massive lack of attraction for three years while turning her around in bed, he was lying. He led her to believe he desired her fully, when in reality, he was managing a disappointment.
The OP defends himself by saying, “I didn’t know what to tell her, and that I was just being honest.” This is the classic defense of someone who lacks emotional intelligence. You don’t have to lie and say she has a giant chest, but you also don’t have to admit that her body makes you want to look at the wall instead of her. There is a middle ground called “tact,” and this guy missed it by a mile.
If you aren’t attracted to your partner, you let them go. You don’t string them along for three years and then destroy their self-esteem in a single Tuesday night conversation. He didn’t just hurt her feelings; he confirmed her deepest insecurity. She already felt inadequate because the lingerie didn’t fit, and he essentially confirmed, “Yeah, the lingerie is right, and I’m just making do.”
So, is the OP the ahole? 100%. He wasted three years of this woman’s life. She deserves to be with someone who thinks her body is a masterpiece, not someone who wishes she was curvier every time the lights go down. He calls it honesty; we call it cruelty.
What would you do if your partner told you they prefer you facing away during intimacy because they don’t like your body? Would you try to work through it, or would you block their number immediately? Let us know in the comments if you think “honesty” is a valid excuse for this!