I (28M) have been working my ass off for the last five years after a really rough patch in my early 20s, got laid off twice, went through a breakup, ended up couchsurfing for a while, and even stayed in my car for a couple weeks. I finally landed a stable remote job last year, cut out all the nonessentials, and started aggressively saving.
A few months ago, I got approved for a small but decent two-bedroom apartment in Austin. Nothing fancy, but it’s mine. I’m not rich or anything. I still gotta budget carefully but just the idea of not having roommates or sleeping in someone’s living room feels like I’ve won the lottery.
I made the mistake of telling my mom. She was happy for me… until she casually mentioned it to my older sister (33F), who immediately called me and said, “So when should we start packing?”
I thought she was joking. She wasn’t.
Turns out she assumed that because I was moving into a “two-bedroom,” it was obviously for her and her two kids (5 and 7). She’s been living with her ex’s parents for almost a year, says the situation is toxic, and she needs out ASAP. But here’s the kicker: we haven’t even talked in over a year. Not a fight or anything we just drifted apart. And she never once asked how I was doing when I was struggling.
I told her, gently at first, that this place is my fresh start. I’ve worked really hard for it, and it’s my first shot at peace and privacy in years. She flipped. Said I was being selfish, that “family helps family,” and that her kids deserve a better environment.
Then my mom jumped in, blowing up my phone. She told me I should let them stay “just until your sister gets on her feet,” and that it’s heartless of me to let my niece and nephew suffer.
Now everyone in my family is calling me ungrateful and cold, saying that since I don’t have kids or responsibilities, I should be the one to make sacrifices. Some even suggested that it’s “just a couch,” like I’m moving into a mansion.
But I’ve been the person sleeping on couches. I’ve begged for help and gotten silence. I didn’t guilt anyone. I didn’t try to move into someone’s home. I figured it out.
Now that I finally have something of my own, I’m being told I’m the bad guy for not giving it away.
So… AITAH for telling my sister she can’t move in with me? Even if it means her and her kids might end up in a shelter? I honestly feel like I’m drowning in guilt, but I also feel like I earned this. And I don’t want to lose it just because someone else made different choices.
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I (28M) have been working my ass off for the last five years after a really rough patch in my early 20s, got laid off twice, went through a breakup, ended up couchsurfing for a while, and even stayed in my car for a couple weeks. I finally landed a stable remote job last year, cut out all the nonessentials, and started aggressively saving.
A few months ago, I got approved for a small but decent two-bedroom apartment in Austin. Nothing fancy, but it’s mine. I’m not rich or anything. I still gotta budget carefully but just the idea of not having roommates or sleeping in someone’s living room feels like I’ve won the lottery.
I made the mistake of telling my mom. She was happy for me… until she casually mentioned it to my older sister (33F), who immediately called me and said, “So when should we start packing?”
I thought she was joking. She wasn’t.
Turns out she assumed that because I was moving into a “two-bedroom,” it was obviously for her and her two kids (5 and 7). She’s been living with her ex’s parents for almost a year, says the situation is toxic, and she needs out ASAP. But here’s the kicker: we haven’t even talked in over a year. Not a fight or anything we just drifted apart. And she never once asked how I was doing when I was struggling.
I told her, gently at first, that this place is my fresh start. I’ve worked really hard for it, and it’s my first shot at peace and privacy in years. She flipped. Said I was being selfish, that “family helps family,” and that her kids deserve a better environment.
Then my mom jumped in, blowing up my phone. She told me I should let them stay “just until your sister gets on her feet,” and that it’s heartless of me to let my niece and nephew suffer.
Now everyone in my family is calling me ungrateful and cold, saying that since I don’t have kids or responsibilities, I should be the one to make sacrifices. Some even suggested that it’s “just a couch,” like I’m moving into a mansion.
But I’ve been the person sleeping on couches. I’ve begged for help and gotten silence. I didn’t guilt anyone. I didn’t try to move into someone’s home. I figured it out.
Now that I finally have something of my own, I’m being told I’m the bad guy for not giving it away.
So… AITAH for telling my sister she can’t move in with me? Even if it means her and her kids might end up in a shelter? I honestly feel like I’m drowning in guilt, but I also feel like I earned this. And I don’t want to lose it just because someone else made different choices.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my sister she couldn’t move in with me and her two kids when I get my new apartment. She and my mom are mad because they think I should let them stay “just until she gets back on her feet,” and they’re saying I’m selfish for not helping family. I feel kinda guilty, like maybe I should help since it’s kids involved… but I also worked hard for this and I need space. So now I’m wondering if saying no makes me the asshole.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA.
Anyone who suggests otherwise is free to let your entitled sister and her kids move into their place fro free just like they’re suggesting you do, because”family helps family”, right?
NTA. Your Mom is the parent and signed up to take care of your sister, that’s what you sign on for when you have kids. Your sis sounds like a freeloader and your Mom is trying to dump her off on you. Hold your ground and enjoy the life you have worked hard for. Let your other family members take them in.
NTA. You’re telling me not one of the family members giving you shit has ‘just a couch’ for your sister?
NTA
>Now everyone in my family is calling me ungrateful
Ungrateful for what exactly? Your sister didn’t do anything to help you get the apartment. She has no claim on the second bedroom. She’s owed nothing from you.
NTA
> I don’t want to lose it just because someone else made different choices
Children are a luxury. She chose the priorities she did.
NTA don’t give in you’ll never get them out again.
Nta. Don’t let them know your address. Don’t let your sister guilt trip you.
listen, i feel for her, i do. I can’t imagine how stressful it can be to have two kids to care for and living in an unstable and toxic environment. This country is cruel to single parents. BUT
NTA you get to decide who lives in your apartment. you worked your ass off to build up your life. YOUR life.
there are other ways to support your sister and the kids that don’t involve sacrificing your mental health, hard earned space, and the stability you fought so hard for.
NTA. Why isn’t she able to stay at your mom’s? Are they not family?
NTA
And if family helps family, where were they when you were homeless
odds are this is true hut tell your sister and mom your lease prevents you from having roommates. Nothing you can do.
NTA.
Are they expecting YOU to sleep on the couch so that her kids can have a bedroom and so can she? Is she planning to contribute to the rent/expenses or are you supposed to foot the bill?
You are not her parent or her spouse and you are not responsible for her or her kids.
NTA. If everybody would just contribute a fraction of what you are expected to sacrifice, they could pay rent for her.
4 people in a 2 bedroom apartment is ridiculous.
NTA.
Do not let your family guilt you for wanting your own space that you WORKED for. It sucks your sister is in a toxic environment but if she wants out she’ll have to work to make it happen. Stick to your decision.
NTA
Please don’t feel guilty; let yourself off the hook.
Your sister and her kids are currently housed. If she needs to get on her feet, it’s up to her to make it happen for herself and kids.
Since there are so many kind and giving people in your family, certainly one of them can step up and offer your sister and her kids accomodations — I mean, it’s “just until she gets on her feet,” right?
Please do not give in, young man. You have worked hard to establish yourself. If she moves in, she will never move out.
NTA, why does “family” always feel entitled to your stuff.
NTA- This is the kind of stunt my brother would have pulled. He only came around when he needed something. Sounds like your sister has had a year to figure her shit out and save to get out of her situation. And why are they calling you ungrateful? Your sister didn’t do shit for you when you were struggling. Just because you don’t have kids doesn’t mean your space or life is less important. If everyone is so concerned they can take your sister in.
Why isn’t your Sister living with your Mom, if she is so concerned???
NOPE. Block her number for real.
Your response to her should be similar to her response when you needed help, whatever that may have been.
NTA – You’re not obligated to let anyone live with you, let alone your sister and her two kids in your 2 bedroom apartment.
Those two bedrooms = Your office (since you work from home) and your bedroom. You have no space for 3 other people.
NTA —- The next time anyone tries to guilt you into letting your sister stay with you, tell them they are also free to offer their house for her to stay in as well if it means that much to them.
Funny how all of the family is volunteering your space to your sister. Own your perceived “selfishness”. It’s a compliment in this situation. Family helps family, so thank them for volunteering to take in your sister, since they are so concerned. Enjoy your apartment drama free. When family does this kind of s**t, you need to throw it right back at them.
NTA. Why hasn’t any of the family helped your sister. Also, where were they when you were couch surfing ? Go no contact but not before telling them all to kick rocks.
I have no doubt your sister’s current situation is toxic. I also have no doubt that she’s solely to blame for that. She will most definitely take over the house and probably not pay rent. 2 bedrooms is just enough for one person. A bedroom and an office/game room/gym/craft room. Do anything with it besides let your entitled sister move in. And, why isn’t your mother housing them?? NTA
NTA
Your sister has been in this situation for quite some time it sounds. She seems to have no interest in ‘getting back on her feet’. Why isn’t your mom taking her in? It sounds like your mom and your sister are both making assumptions.
Your sister doesn’t have a job I’m hearing, she won’t be able to contribute much of anything to rent. If her children are suffering, she’s the one making them do so.
Your sister wants to continue mooching with you.
Especially since she hasn’t exactly been there for you at all. Family helps family, but where was your help?
Both of them are problems, both of them are toxic. Neither cares or wants to help you.
NTA. If your family feels so strongly about “family helps family” then your sister should live with one of them. You are not obligated to take care of your sister or HER children. If they continue I would go low to no contact. Also, you signed a lease for just YOU. Your sister and her children are not named on it which would be a breach of the contract and could get you evicted.
Protect your peace, you have worked hard to earn it.
NTA. I’m probably one of the most likely commenters in this sub to point out that family obligations should be real, but on the flip side, they are also easily abused, and I suspect that this is what your sister is doing. You haven’t spoken in a year, and now she wants to live with you? She has a place that she deems toxic and you’re worried she might end up in a shelter, but she isn’t already in one?
OP, ignore your family. Anyone who calls you to say “Take in your sister” had better be able to demonstrate that they have been living on the moon for the last few years, or in a tree or something, as that’s the only way none of them have a couch or a piece of floor she could be sleeping on.
You know full well that if you let her move in, she will not leave. It will not be temporary. It’s ok to protect your own well being here, especially since it’s fragile. You struggled to get here. It’s going to be a very worthwhile struggle to stay and move forward. Your sister does not get to bring chaos in and turn your world upside, wrecking what peace you have achieved because she thinks you can take advantage of you here.
Do you know what the family obligation here is, OP? It’s that you consider your sister’s request, and figure out whether you can do it without harming or hurting your own circumstances. You’ve done this. You’re not in a place where you can take your sister in, and anyone who tries to tell you differently can put her up for “a few months” first.
Who’s everyone and why can’t they house your sister and her kids?
Nta. Where was your family when you were struggling? Why was your mother not helping you? What was your sisters plan if you didn’t get your own apartment? Your family can help your sister, it’s not your responsibility. And if it’s just a couch they can surely provide that for her.
I believe that family helps family. But in your case however, you’re still in an early and precarious situation with finances and independence. You want to enjoy your relative success. Have three extra people move into a 2 bedroom apartment with you sounds like you’d be turning it into a slum where you wouldn’t want to live in. Your mother at heart age should be stable enough financially to take your sister in instead of criticizing you.
NTA
Your sister just wants what you have. I’m assuming she doesn’t really have a job. If you welcome her into your home she’ll make it her home, take over your space, and do very little if anything to help with the rent and bills.
If she doesn’t just saddle you with her kids and make you watch them.
Nta. Your family is toxic. I’m sorry.
NTA but your mom and your sister are definitely entitled ah. Hold firm. Enjoy your space and congratulations!!!! You worked hard for your new found peace and you deserve to keep that peace.
NTA, where was family helps family when you were struggling? Block both your sister and your mom. If her living situation is that bad why can’t she move into your mom’s house?
NTA. Your sister is not your responsibility. You can help in a lot of ways without giving up your privacy. Also why – after a year of living with someone else – has your sister not gotten herself in a position to get on her feet? And why isn’t she moving in with her own mother?
NTA. Plus I really doubt your landlord will allow another adult and two kids living with you. I would check and that would hopefully put an end to it.
NTA- your mom needs to step up, it’s her child.
NTA
Your sister has had a year to get on her feet and failed to do so.
You can’t afford to house her and her children. You’ll end up paying for everything. You need to put some savings away so you don’t end up homeless again.
Big NTA. You enjoy your life as is. It is not your responsibility to take care of your adult sister and her 2 kids. Thats an insane ask.
NTA. The entitlement of your sister baffles me. Even without the back story, there’s no scenario in which a younger sibling barely getting by should be expected to take in a family of three.
Let all of the people guilt tripping you offer your sister “just a couch”. It would be wise to withhold your address from these people, and consider going low or no contact until this all blows over.
If your Mom is concerned then why doesn’t she have your sister live with her. The same to anyone else who criticizes your decision.
Feel free to tell everyone else if their family that you will tell your sister they are offering up their bedroom to her and her kids, but the lease you signed won’t allow extra people and you can’t afford to break it for the next two years.
Just so you know if she moves in you are never getting rid of her. All those lovely family members are more than welcome to open their door.
NTA. All your family members calling you ungrateful need to ask where they were for you when you were sleeping on couches and in your car.
Let them put your sister up if they care so much.
Nta
Your mom can have your sister and her grandkids move in with her.. you only have 1 spare bedroom.. where they all gonna sleep
NTA, family helps family? Mom, can give them a room.
Keep them at a safe distance. Make sure you have a ring camera another very least.
Stand your ground. Use the “asked and answered” method for children.
Do NOT let her move in or you will be stuck with her forever until you have to move again or evict her! You are NTAH and anyone who says different can let her move in with them. Block them all til they stop bugging you and move on guilt free bc it’s not your problem!
Let your sis and her kids move in with ur moms
NTA – congrats and big on you for getting lice together. Your sisters kids are her responsibility, and why don’t all those people who are calling you out be the ones to step in and help your sister
NTA…seems like your Mom could step in and house her, wonder why she didn’t step up and offer.
Damn right, you’re being selfish! It’s your home! Do NOT let them move it, they will turn it toxic also. You don’t have kids for a reason!
NTA, stand your ground, everyone who tell you nonsense tell them that they can take care of your sister and don’t bother you. Live your life and if it’s possible distance yourself a little.
Not the asshole AT ALL. Shame on them for not seeing your progress and for not taking that as motivation for themselves.
NTA, “family” is a bullshit concept that idiots abuse to get what they want.
NTA. You bought it, you get to live in it. Just because your sister has kids does not mean that she gets dibs on what you worked so hard for. If she wants her own apartment, she can work her tail off as well. And if your mother thinks she needs to live somewhere else, she can take her in herself.
So, yes, you earned this. You don’t have to listen to any of the other members of your family.
It sounds like it’s time to put your family on an information diet – don’t tell them what is going on in your life, since they tend to weaponize it against you.
NTA! Where was their “family helps family” attitude when you were LIVING IN YOUR CAR?! Seriously, did your mom/other family go to bat for you when YOU were struggling? If not, maybe take a good hard look at your relationships and how you’ve been treated in your family, especially in relation to your sister. Sounds at least neglectful, but you might see some other signs of manipulation (currently happening to you btw) or emotional abuse.
The sense of entitlement to just assume you’re going to let her live there is ridiculous. Makes me think that in her “toxic situation” at least some of that toxicity is hers. Cannot stress enough you are NOT the asshole in this situation. I suspect if she moved in, you’d find a lot of your groceries going missing, and your whole budget getting thrown off, especially since you didn’t mention it she’d offer to help pay rent (which I think means she probably didn’t). You also mentioned “just a couch” which makes me think she assumed you’d be on your own couch while she and her kids took both rooms, which is BONKERS.
I would understand requesting help if you were more well off, and had not just escaped couch surfing and car living. As in you had enough that you moved into a larger place or bought a house with multiple spare rooms, so you wouldn’t end up on your own couch. Even then I’d expect her to offer to help pay rent or mortgage, or pay for groceries, or even just offer to do some of the cooking/housework. That’s what I did when I had to move in with family for a bit. That’s what would be fair. So don’t feel guilty.
NTA
Your mom should be opening her home to her daughter. Your sister will simply take advantage of you, and you will be out of a home again. She is your older sister, and need to figure her life out, not count on others to fix her problems. I notice that the only time ‘family takes care of family’ is when someone else wants something. They certainly were not there for you when you needed help.
Your sister is being entitled. Your family wants you to help, but I bet none of them have offered a helping hand to her. They definitely didn’t offer to help you.
Stand your ground and get your life together. You are not responsible for her poor decisions. Tell your mother to stay out of your life, since she was unwilling to help you when you needed it. I bet she had room for you, but just didn’t want to be bothered with someone else in her home. Keep your head up and get yourself together. They will only drag you down.
NTA
Nope! NTA ! I too have a family that doesnt check in unless something is going well. You dont owe your sister your space. You can share the steps you took to get there with your sister if she needs motovation but she is capable of figuring out a solution for her & her kids – same as you did for yourself!!
Dont back down & revel in the solitude you earned & fought for! I also had a similar struggle : proud of you. Its not easy ~ well done
NTA. Your lease likely doesn’t allow you to sublet or have unauthorized guests for an extended amount of time. Do you want to get evicted because your sister is a mooch?
Nta but I don’t understand why you didn’t immediately lie and tell your sister you downgraded to a studio apartment to save money. I mean she isn’t ever going to have a reason to show up. Would’ve dodged the entire mess.
You’re not the asshole, she needs to figure it out and she’s had a year to do that living with her ex’s parents. As a man, it’s not your job to make sacrifices or jeopardize your peace bc she didn’t plan effectively. Her kids and her are her responsibility. I would stand your ground.
NTA. Your mom had her why not take care of her too? She put her and her kids in that situation so she can get them out. They’re her kids not yours no offense. On top of it all she would’ve never spoken to you had you not gotten an apartment
NTA – are your sis and her kids on your lease? No? Well, then they can’t live there. Plain and simple.
Your SISTER is the one who should not be letting her children suffer, not you.
They are ALL incredibly entitled.
“No” is a complete sentence.
NTA — fuck them kids.
In seriousness, that’s your home!! Your sister and her kids are not entitled to it, even if you were in close contact this entire time. If your sister and her kids deserve a better environment (which I’m sure they do), your mother should be the one letting them move in, not you. Wtf. NTA NTA NTA.
NTA and your mom was dead ass wrong for even telling her. If you didn’t get the place she would have to stay where she is. Why doesn’t your mom let her move in with her?! Protect your peace!
NTA. Protect your peace. Congratulations on how far you’ve come.
NTA. You just got your self together. Do not let them impede on your long awaited peace! Tell your mother to let them move in with her because “family helps family”!
Oh damn! The lease agreement states that you are the ONLY person on the lease. Next time you are faced with someone pushing something, ANYTHING, on you, don’t answer, change the subject, and move the conversation. If they bring it up again, the above mentioned tactic has given you time to think and respond. What happened here is you responded quickly and with emotion. That gave them the leverage they needed to high jack this. At this point it’s text messages only. That gives you the time to process your thoughts. We all have complex emotions, the real winners are those who can breathe, and think through them. (I’m a work in progress at this. Texts are my friends)
NTA, and even if you weren’t, It’s a pretty good bet that two adults and two small children in a two-bedroom apartment is not going to fly with your landlord.
Also, it sounds like you need less contact with your family, because your sister and your mother at least sound like users. Ask them straight out why family didn’t help family when you were the one who needed it.
NTA. Your family has crab mentality. Don’t get pulled back in. Hold your boundaries.
NYAH
NTA
if they want her to get help so bad why don’t they open up their home to the sister instead?
INFO: why work remotely and then move to one of the most expensive cities in the country? Texas has so much cheap housing, even in towns just an hour outside of Austin, why go there?
Nta.
Tell everyone single one of your family.
How funny and absurd. Family helps family. But yet when I needed help. Asked.for help. There were crickets. So evidently, I am not family to any of you. If she is family, then I will let her know you all will be chipping in. To either 1. Pay for a place for her and take care of her. Or 2. Invite them to live with you. Until you put yourself in the place you’re demanding of me and that I cause you to give your room and home up to someone else, don’t open your mouth about making sacrifices. I didn’t spread my legs. Have sex. Decide to give birth to my sister. It’s not my responsibility to cater and take care of her. She has a mother for that. I have the same mother, and she didn’t help me. Hmm, neither did my sister, so because my sister decided to have kids, I should be made to suffer even more. If it’s so toxic, then she should have moved in with any of you. Thanks for letting me know. I am nothing to any of you. But certainly not family, so every one of you can go screw yourselves because I damn well deserve better myself than toxic family. I myself can and will walk away from crappy people and not demand or act entitled to others’ lives and things.
Then block them all because what’s the point of family when they leave you high and dry and are showing how little you mean to them. Harsh, but not one of them want to do what they are demanding of you, so walk away and have a good life.
I’m curious how a 2 bedroom means space for 4 non married people.
2 parents + 2 kids I could understand. We’ve all been in tight places.
1 adult, 1 parent, 2 kids?
Nope .
It’s not for them.
NTA. Why isn’t your mother and all these other people offering her space in their homes?
NTA – you yourself aren’t secure. Stop trying to save someone who isn’t trying to save herself. Say no, stop discussing it, go low or no contact every time they try to push you. Stand up for yourself.
She has to accomplish what you did. Shes been there for a year. Has she signed up for rent controlled living? She has 2 kids. All kinds of help out there. Your Mom should help her, its her child. Not yours. Youre not selfish. They didnt help you. And if things fall through, they wont help you then either. NTA
NTA. A roommate with two kids in a 2BR apt sounds like a nightmare in the making. Why can’t she live with mom? Heck, I’m not ashamed to say I once moved back in with my mother at age 45 (after a layoff while living 2,000 miles away).
Exactly how long is “just until your sister gets on her feet”? In the time she’s been living with her ex’s parents (rent free?) how much money has she saved? Because that’s about how much she’ll save while she’s living off your dole.
Do you have an emergency fund saved up? Unless you do if you get laid off all five of you are on the street, and Sis will still expect to go wherever you land.
Absolutely not the AH – why doesn’t your mother take her in?
All those family members (including Mom) talk a good game. Ask what assistance they have provided to your sister and match that.
She needs a job to start supporting her own kids.
NTA
NTA
You’re right when you said that it’s not your responsibility to suffer because of someone else’s choice. It doesn’t matter if it’s a family or not, always protect your peace and secure your future because no one got your back. Remember, everything in this world is temporary. Save as much as you can for your future. Never share your address to them. If you can, block them for the sake of your peace.
“Family helps family,” is code for “family helps themselves to what you earned.” Full Stop
NTA. You busted yourself HARD to make it to where you are. She didn’t help you then. I’m not saying she could, but not even calling? Additionally, if you have to budget carefully to make ends meet, adding THREE people into your life isn’t helping. Just tell her the truth, you can’t afford it. She will not pay enough for the inconvenience and lack of peace in your life.
NTA asked them where family was when you were sleeping in your car.
Your mother can shelter them that id the mother job.
NTA
From your mother to every other person with an opinion – they are all free to have your sis and her kids come live with them. They could all commit to contributing to rent for her to get a place. Or they could shut up.
They’re seeking to feel better about themselves by making you seem like a villain.
The fact is, you don’t have two bedrooms. You have one bedroom and one office. You don’t have to give up your office space because people who don’t contribute to your life want it.
AND – once they occupy your space, they’ll never leave. If your sister cared at all about getting back on her own feet, she would have handled her business a long time ago.
Classic family BS! You struggle and figure it out. We will ignore you while you are struggling. once you are in good place and they are strugling all of a sudden lets play the family card. Thats toxic BS. Go no contact like they did to you. Enjoy your place and your hard work at getting back on your feet. You owe them nothing.
NTA, you worked hard to have tour own place, now you get to enjoy it. The people whining about” family helps family” can go kick rocks, or they can volunteer to take in your sister and kids.
NTA. Let the rest of the fily take care of them. But I assyme this is a typical NIMBY situation.
Do not.let them guilttrip you. This place.is.yours and yours alone.
!updateme
Isn’t your sister more of your mother’s responsibility, considering it’s her daughter and grandchildren? Why can’t they move in with her?
And where was your Mother when YOU needed a place to stay? NTA but the rest of your family, oh boy!
Congrats on the new apartment and new life by the way!
NTA – Family helps family in only seems to come into play when the need something from you. It’s manipulation and emotional blackmail. You are under no obligation to help her if you don’t want to. Your mental health and wellbeing are important too.
NTA.
Tell them you just got back on your feet but you are not ready to shoulder the weight of others yet. You will be paying for them, babysitting and cleaning up after them.
Worse case, speak to the apartment complex about getting a 1 bedroom apt instead.
NTA.
If Mom feels that way, why aren’t sis and the kids living with her?
NTA your MOM should take them in then
NTA
Also, why can’t she live with your/her mom??? Especially if it is just temporary until she gets on her feet.
Frankly, you just got on your feet, and it sounds like you didn’t have a family member to rely on until you got there
Those kids have two sets of grandparents. If they need to move, they should move in with your mum. Your sister may not like their present living conditions, but the kids are probably fine. Also, the kids do have a father who can take the kids, whilst your sister stays with mum. If they come to you, I foresee this period of “finding their feet” Will be a lengthy stay. Not talking about a few weeks, more like months, stretching into years. You will not enjoy that one little bit.
Added to that is the distance between you and your sister compounded by the fact that she didn’t help or ask how you were doing when you had no home. She had a home to live in. You didn’t. She still has a home to live in but doesn’t like it. Insert sobbing. Perhaps she needs to pull up her big girl panties and start making some changes herself. That what normal parents and adults do. They solve their own problems. They work hard enough to find their own accommodation
If I were you, I wouldn’t let this happen. It’s amazing how quickly kids take over all the space and attention in a house. It’s all about their needs, requirements and quirks, which is fine for a normal parent to manage, but they will expect you to change the way you live to accommodate them. I can assure you that you will end up paying for things for them too, “because that’s what families do”. Nope . . . just say no. If they’re upset and/or rude about it, that’s their problem, not yours. If they’ve choose to vilify you, so be it
NTA.
You were living on people’s couches and in your car. Where was your famiy then? Family sure didn’t help you.
But none of that is relevant. Your sister has two kids and SHE has to figure out how to get back on her feet. You’re not their parent, and frankly, Sis might be planning on moving in until her kids are out of high school.
Stick to your guns on this one. Nobody helped you. Sis has to have a job and the kids’ dad has to provide money. This isn’t your responsibility.
AND MOM CAN LET THEM LIVE WITH HER.
NTA
Sis evidently has done nothing to change her circumstances, and op has busted her ass.
Tell the flying monkeys to step up.
NTA
Is this all the same family who helped you out when you were living in your car etc?!!!
NTA. You had your trial by fire and things are getting better for you. Your sister was living with in-laws for a year. She should’ve gotten on her feet then. Don’t let them move in with you, you’ll never get rid of them. All your relatives saying you’re selfish can take a turn hosting them.
NTA, notice how all those people speaking up to say you should help aren’t offering to house them?
N. T. A. Sister can work and figure it out like you did. Everyone calling you selfish? Give their names to sister and tell her they volunteered to house her.
NTA. Easy fix though, “hey sister looked at my lease and it prohibits overnight guests, sorry”.
NTA. The same family that wants you to step up for family are the same family that didn’t step up for you!!! And how long until your sister gets it together? Hasn’t she already had a year to do that? Why doesn’t the family help family and give her a place to stay? If she ends up in a shelter it’s not your fault. Don’t allow selfish people to guilt you into doing something they are not willing to do.
NTA- so I believe in helping family, I’m all for it and occasionally get taken advantage of. But I never help when I’m trying to help myself, helping shouldn’t come at the expense of my time, children, husband, sanity, or money. So I’m going to say you worked hard,so I would just say NO. Tell your mother family should help out so she should help her daughter and that you need a moment, remind them that your sisters situation has nothing to do with you, that is cause her own decision making
NTA.
Turn back their words against them. “Where were you when I needed help/a roof/etc.?”
If they couldn’t talk to you or help you for years, they can eat shit. You deserve a place of your own free of noise and destruction, and possibly a free moocher.
Defend your point. Reverse their arguments. And if nothing works, cut the bridges. Nobody deserves to be insulted and disregarded because some people hurt their ego or expect golden spoons.
NTA. You’ve worked hard for this. If family helped family in your case, they would have helped you so you didn’t become homeless for a time. They weren’t there when you needed them-and you need to tell them that.
NTA, your peace comes first.
Props to you, man, for doing the hard yards and getting back on your feet. You get a round of applause from me.
NTA, but, if you let yourself get guilted into letting sister and her kids move in and undo all your hard work, YWBTA. You’ve already made the sacrifices, let mom and the rest of them make some too. Prepare to go no contact if this escalates.
Just in case you needed one more NTA vote, here it is. Don’t cave,OP. Protect your peace. 🩵
NTA and do not let them move in under any circumstances. Block your whole family if you have to. Do not cave to this.
NTA. you slept in your car, your sister or mother didn’t ask you to move in – they even ghosted you, when you asked them for help.
you owe them nothing.
NTA, but you could offer instead to help her in other ways. Help her get food stamps, or sign up for low-income housing, or any other services that she or her kids may need. If she has successfully gotten services for her and her family, she is capable of doing this on her own. You CAN help her, it just does not have to include giving up the home for which you worked so hard.
YTAH- I already read this today!
NTA. I’m sure the lease doesn’t allow others in the unit. Besides, you work remotely. How is that going to work? Sister can stay where she is currently and figure it out.
She has a place. Her kids grandparents home. If she thinks her kids deserve a better place to live then she can work.
NTA
NTA, you need to go NC with your sister, just don’t engage at all. Have a direct conversation with your mother that she can help them out and then go NC with her as well. Protect your future is your priority and your responsibility.
“Sis can’t move in unless you want us all to be homeless because the lease is for ONE person”
Tell them you checked with the landlord and they said NO.
Do NOT let her move in. It won’t end well!
NTA. You have a mother and was homeless? That’s horrible.
NTA. Your mom can take her and the kids if family helps family.
NTA. Your sister has had almost a year to get “back on her feet.” If you let her in, you’re stuck with her and the kids and will probably be taken advantage of further by her expecting to provide free baby sitting too while she does whatever. Your mom is trying to put the problem on you and I have a feeling they both on some level resent your new found success.
Set a firm boundary about this and let them know any further attempts to guilt or pressure you will result in you going no contact. Then, when one of them tests you, hold firm and block their numbers.
Congratulations on your success. You deserve to be celebrated, not guilted.
To your Mom and sister:
“I signed a lease, that clearly specifies 1 occupant. If that is violated, I will be evicted.”
No is a complete sentence.
YTA if you give in. Hold the line.
NTA… If you let her move in I’d bet any money, within a week she’d be saying her 2 “darling” kids need privacy and she’d want you to give up your room and you’d end up back, couch surfing, in your own home… Fuck all that noise. You haven’t seen her in a year and you’re only hearing from her because she thinks she can get shit from you. Go back to not hearing from her
NTA. I’d bet money that you’d get no help towards your rent and bills either. Sounds like your mom is volunteering though.
NTA.
“I’m sorry you’re in this situation, I’ve been homeless before so I know how hard it can be. I’m happy to be a reference on your resume, help you move once you find your own place, or just to vent if you need. I work remotely and need the privacy of my apartment for work. I hope Mom/Dad or another family member offer to help you out, but this is too big of a responsibility for me”
She’s had a year to apply for emergency housing and other public assistance. What is going to change her situation living with her ex’s parents to living with you?
NTA. Your sister has been living rent free for a year with her ex inlaws and hasn’t “gotten on her feet”. Mainly because she’s not trying.
If you let her move in 1 – you will be supporting her and her kids permanently, 2 – she’ll take one bedroom and the kids will take the other, leaving you to sleep on the couch, and 3- you won’t be able to work with the chaos around you.
NTA
Hell no. NTA. I’ve been down that road almost exactly as you describe. And I got railroaded. If you let her move in with her kids, consider any progress towards self sufficiency gone. The guilt trips and the free babysitting you will be doing as well as providing for them will wear you down and make your own personal life nonexistent. One step towards that is all it take to cause years of struggle again.
Why can’t any of them take them? I bet they would say no.
NTA
Youve already told them no, now block every single one of them and enjoy your apartment.
NTA where was this treatment from your mom when you needed to get back on your feet. If she’s so adamant about you letting your sister and her two children into your apartment (which isn’t big enough for two people) because we all know she will play the mom card and make you sleep on the couch. Nah it’s your place and your name on the lease you get to decide who lives there.
NTA. These people didn’t help you. If your mum thinks help should be offered she should offer it
NTA- where were they when you were struggling to get on your feet and living in your car? From the sounds of it, the sister has a house to sleep in. She didn’t talk to you for over a year, and then wants to jump right in and offer herself your 2nd bedroom? If she wanted to talk to you about getting a place together for the time being, she should have had the discussion long before this. Then she could have saved up to contribute moving into a new place with you instead of trying to jump on a free opportunity. And that’s IF you even agreed to do that
who are those people called you ungrateful and cold? did they take you in when you were couchsurfing?
not to side with your sister because you’re definitely NTA but I wouldn’t take her lack of reaching out as a sign of anything. she might have her handsful with the kids and be extremely drained emotionally if she is living in a toxic household. with that being said, i dont understand why she would be able to get on her feet in your 2-bedroom apartment raising two kids basically ALONE (with out grandparent help) but isn’t able to do it while living with her ex’s family. it takes time to pull yourself out of tough situations but it’s do-able and she is hopefully working on improving her situation instead of expecting others others to provide.
NTA – DO NOT LET THEM IN. Your sister is never going to get on her feet. You are going to hate having kids around all the time, and you will be pressed upon to take on the roles of both a father and the bread winner. Do not do that to yourself. As many have said, anyone who’s saying you’re selfish is certainly welcome to open their homes to her.
NTA
Why aren’t they offering to take them in if they’re family?
Where were they when you needed help?
Why on earth does your sister, who you haven’t spoken to in a year, think she’s entitled to move in?
Do NOT allow her to move in because she won’t leave. She’ll take over and you’ll end up sleeping on your couch after she relentlessly guilts you because they’re all in one room and kids need space. Yea they do. In their own apartment, not yours.
Family – “Family helps family”
You – “Not the way I remember the last year. Is this a new thing”?
NTA. Enjoy your new place! Your sister and her kids will make you hate coming home. You don’t need that. You deserve peace.
NTA. Probably violates your lease. Start there. No point moving in if they’d just get kicked out. Do not share your lease with them.
NTA I have an autoimmune disease, which was triggered from stress. Take care of yourself. Yes, family helps family when they can but not at the expense of your peace and well being. Say no. Don’t share your address. Your sis is an adult, not a 16-year-old in danger.
You are entitled to your space. You don’t have to justify it to anyone, and you should go no contact for a few months or so. Absolutely NOT. Your mother wants to better their lives, she can do so. NOBODY is entitled to your space but you, period. Have them trespassed if needed and/or take out restraining orders. You are in no way obliged to their desires. I’m sorry your crummy family is putting you in a shitty spot but I sincerely hope you know better. You owe them, and everyone else, absolutely nothing. Take care of yourself and hold the line. It’ll be over & in your past before you know it.
NTA!!! Don’t set yourself on fire just to keep them warm.
NTA when you needed help your family wasn’t there. Just because your sister doesn’t like living with her ex’s parents, doesn’t mean her kids don’t like living with their grandparents. A family who wants to use you instead of congratulating you is not worth having. Block buttons are free.
Sister is not homeless, she has a place to stay. She’s just delusional enough to think she’s entitled to what you’ve worked hard for. The only solution to someone literally trying to bully their way into your home, is to block them. You said it yourself, you’re “not close”. Just be more careful of what you share with your mom. Anytime she tries to guilt-trip, cut her right off and tell her you’ll to N/C if she keeps it up.
Enjoy the home you’ve worked hard for.
Nta
NTA
Seems like your mom can provide shelter for your sister and her kids since she wants to help them. Do not give anyone in your family your address or you will have a visit from them sooner or later
Pro-tip! If you’re using AI to write fiction, edit out the phrases “family helps family” and “blowing up my phone” which it invariable uses.
They will all pull you down. You don’t have a mansion, it’s a 2B apt. With 3 more people, you’ll likely get evicted. I would read your lease. There’s probably something in there. If not, ask the landlord to add it.