I am a 15yo male living with my 13yo brother 48yo mother and 52yo father. A couple years ago I came across disturbing images on my mother’s phone. I saw her in bed with a coworker on a work trip as well as her face timing her coworker when they were both nude. I wish I could say I did something then but sadly I didn’t. I was too scared of the possibilities so I somehow managed to block it out of my mind and comepletly forget about. Well recently I rediscovered the images and now that my brother and I are a bit older I think we might be able to handle a family breakup.
The person im worried about though is my dad. My mum has had a history of abuse towards my dad and me (especially my dad) however he’s always defended and stuck by her no matter how bad she treated him as well as protected me. He’s said time and time again that because she’s going through menopause the abuse is not her fault and I shouldn’t be hard on her. Well obviously cheating on someone is completely unacceptable and sadly just tells me that my mother’s a complete bitch of a woman. It’s important to note that she cheated about 8 years ago, which means she had been married to my dad for about 11 years when she did what she did. I know that if I come clean, I will break up my immediate and extended family. I don’t know how my dad will take this and since I’m a pretty small kid, I won’t be able to stop him from doing something stupid if he decides to. I have no one to talk to about this and I’m in desperate need of advice, anything you say would be much appreciated. Thanks.
Comments
Tell your dad and be honest with him. Your mother cheated on the man who has worked all his life to support the family and your mum has broke his trust and his dignity in cheating. Your father deserves to know the truth.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.
This isn’t your burden to carry, and I think you should tell your dad and let them deal with it in their own way.
Your mom is the one who made the choices she did, and no matter the outcome- it’s not your fault for telling your dad.
It’s hurting you more by keeping it bottled up and feeling guilty about not telling your dad, it’ll hurt him but the hurt isn’t that you told him- the hurt is what your mom did and please know you are not responsible for any of this
If they split it will break up the family maybe, sure. But also… it sounds like your dad would be better off away from her.
From what you’re saying here though my instinct is that if you told your dad there’s a good chance he wouldn’t leave her still. So maybe be prepared for that eventuality as well if you decide to tell him.
Usually I would always say tell the partner – they deserve to make the decision to stay or leave with all the information. But you’re 15, this shouldn’t be on your shoulders at all, and I don’t really know whether it would be more weight on you to keep it in or tell and feel responsible 😕
I do think you need some adult support in this though
This is an incredibly heavy situation for a 15-year-old to carry alone, and I’m so sorry you’re stuck in the middle of it. You shouldn’t have to be the one holding this secret or worrying about your dad’s reaction-that’s way beyond what any kid should handle. Here’s the hard truth:
Your mom’s actions (cheating and the abuse) are her choices, not yours to fix or hide. Menopause, stress, or anything else doesn’t excuse betrayal or abuse. Your dad sounds like he’s been gaslit into defending her, but that doesn’t mean he deserves to live in the dark.
Your Dad, you, and your brother do not deserve to live like this. Going through Menopause does not give you the right to lose your Moral Compass.
Abuse is never ok. How do you think your father will react? Will he even care, or will it get swept under the rug. Do you have the evidence to show him. Is there a way you can set it up so he finds the proof himself without you saying anything.
Your Mother menopause is not a reason for the abuse. She is simply and abusive person. I know a lot of woman who have gone through menopause and never have they ever abused anyone. Sure it can cause fluctuations in hormones causing some different emotions. Woman know right from wrong even when going through menopause.
I think you all deserve a better life, and letting your father know would be the best thing. Whatever way you decide to handle this I hope it all goes well.
Tell your dad and stay by his side. Make sure he knows he has you two no matter what.
You are free to tell your father anything you wish.
Otherwise this isn’t your burden to bear. You are also free to tell your mom that either she comes clean or you will. It’s not right that children get dragged into this mess.
Hey you stay out of it. These things happen between family and friends. You must stop blaming your self. Things just happen
It is not your fault
Not 1 little bit. If they want to part ways it not because of you ok. Let them be happy to live you coulit okAngel. They sound like good people
You have no control over feelings.
Find your own way. First education is most important ok
Wot every happens between them
You must let them sort ok if you get in the middle of anything it may cause more trouble
Not just for you but your parents
You are not the person to decide. Everyone argues
Dont be afraid