Finding a decent apartment these days is basically the Hunger Games. You are fighting for your life against high interest rates, terrible landlords, and rent prices that make you want to weep. So, when you finally find a place that is within budget and close to your family during a crisis, you sign that lease faster than you can say “security deposit.” But one woman on Reddit just found out that securing a roof over her head is apparently an act of war if that roof happens to be adjacent to her friend’s romantic history.
The OP (Original Poster) is currently navigating a nightmare season of life. She and her sister recently lost their mother unexpectedly just over a month ago. Anyone who has lost a parent knows that the first few months are a blur of grief, paperwork, and just trying to survive the day. To make things easier, the sisters decided to move in together in their hometown to be closer to the family home. They found a place that fit their budget and cut down their commute. It was a rare win in a sea of losses.
There was just one tiny, insignificant detail about the location. The new apartment is right next door to the unit where the OP’s friend lived last year with an ex-boyfriend. Key words here: last year. The friend hasn’t lived there since the breakup last spring, and the ex-boyfriend doesn’t live there anymore either. It is literally just a building where a relationship ended. Being a considerate friend, the OP sent a text giving her a heads-up before applying, acknowledging that the situation might be awkward.
You would think a friend would say, “Oof, weird coincidence, but I’m glad you found a place.” Nope. The friend went full scorched earth. She accused the OP of “betraying” her and choosing an apartment over their friendship. She claimed the OP wasn’t taking her “trauma” seriously. Let’s be very clear here: the OP is grieving a dead mother, and the friend is grieving a breakup from a year ago with a guy who doesn’t even live in the building anymore.
The friend was actually offended that the OP described the situation as “not easy,” claiming that phrase invalidated her feelings. The OP, who is currently visiting her mother’s grave every week and driving past the funeral home, tried to explain what “not easy” actually looks like. She tried to offer some perspective on what real, fresh grief feels like compared to the memory of a bad relationship.
But the friend wasn’t done. She dropped a line so tone-deaf it actually makes your head spin. She told the OP that the loss of her mom “wasn’t a choice,” but signing the lease was. She is essentially arguing that her breakup trauma deserves the same weight and consideration as the OP’s bereavement. She is mad that the OP isn’t prioritizing her feelings about an old apartment over the OP’s need for housing stability after a family tragedy.
The level of narcissism required to make your friend’s housing search about your own dating history is truly next level. The friend actually thinks the OP should have let her try to “talk her out of it.” Imagine thinking you have veto power over where your grieving friend lives because you have bad vibes about the drywall next door.
The OP is rightfully exhausted. She is trying to keep it together while mourning her mom, and instead of support, she is getting a guilt trip about a building. She signed the lease anyway, because she is an adult who needs a home, not permission to exist near her friend’s past.
So, is the OP the a-hole? Absolutely not. The friend needs to read the room. Buildings are just buildings. If we all avoided every street corner or apartment complex where we had a bad day or a bad breakup, we would have nowhere left to live. The OP needs a movers truck and probably a better friend.
What would you do if your friend demanded you not move into a place because of their ex? Would you pass on the apartment, or tell them to grow up? Let us know in the comments if you think the friend is being totally unreasonable!
Ditch her. She is not your friend.
NTA!! Unless your friend is paying the rent, she needs to get over it. It is a building, nothing more, nothing less.
You and your sister looked for an affordable place, and that building happened to be it.
Your friend needs to realize that not everything is about her. Her “drama” may just be a good indicator of why she is now single. She needs to grow up. Period.
I don’t think I’d be rushing to give her your new phone number. At least not until she learns that her “drama” does not need to be dragged into everyone else’s life & choices!