Group chats are the ultimate relationship test. You think you know the man you are marrying until you accidentally stumble into his private messages with the boys. One bride-to-be recently had her entire world shattered when she borrowed her fiancé’s tablet to play a game and uncovered a deeply disturbing conversation. The way this man talks about his future wife is so degrading that the entire internet is begging her to cancel the wedding immediately.
The Original Poster is a twenty four year old woman who has been with her twenty four year old partner since they were both seventeen. They are high school sweethearts in every sense of the word. He was her first boyfriend, her first kiss, and the person she lost her virginity to. After she recently graduated from nursing school, he popped the question. She thought she was living a fairy tale and confidently claimed there had been absolutely zero red flags in their seven years together.
The illusion of the perfect relationship shattered over a mobile game. The bride was innocently playing a game on her fiancé’s iPad because she had become borderline addicted to it. Suddenly, a notification popped up from his all male group chat. She tried to ignore it, but then a message flashed across the screen from one of his friends stating he would marry a BJQ. Confused and rightfully suspicious, she opened the chat app.
What she found inside that thread is pure nightmare fuel. This group chat consists entirely of men, and the most devastating detail is that some of these guys are the bride’s own childhood friends. These are people she hangs out with multiple times a week. Instead of protecting her honor, her future husband had actually typed out and sent a highly detailed pros and cons list evaluating her entire existence.
She quickly copied the list, sent it to her own phone, and deleted the evidence of her snooping. The pros list completely reduced a successful nursing graduate to a collection of body parts and bedroom acts. He praised her for having a big chest, a big a*, big thighs, and a flat stomach. He bragged that she is sxually eager and never lets herself look frumpy. He threw in that she is smart and a good cook almost as an afterthought.
The cons list was equally infuriating. He complained that she has too many animals, laughs too loud, has morning breath, and spends way too much time at the gym. Having bad breath in the morning is a basic human function, not an actual character flaw. While the cons list was petty, the sheer objectification of the pros list made her stomach completely drop. Unsurprisingly, as she scrolled higher up in the chat, the betrayal got infinitely worse.
This man actually had the audacity to tell his friends, including her childhood friends, that he thinks she lied about being a virgin when they first met at seventeen. His only reasoning for this insane accusation is that she is too eager to try new things in the bedroom. Punishing a woman for actively enjoying intimacy with her partner of seven years is top tier toxic behavior.
He also casually bragged to the group chat about having a hidden folder on his phone filled with intimate photos and videos of the two of them. His friends actually dared him to send the explicit media to the chat. While he declined the dare in the messages, the terrified bride correctly pointed out that she has absolutely no way of knowing if he actually sent them and simply deleted the digital evidence to cover his tracks.
The final nail in the coffin was a sick social experiment he ran on her without her knowledge. He told the guys about a specific week where he actively tested her to see exactly how many physical favors he could extract from her just by asking. He only stopped the gross experiment because he eventually started to feel bad. He treated his loyal, loving partner like a walking vending machine for his own amusement.
The heartbroken bride is now entirely grossed out and deeply sad. While she talks about him as her other half and the love of her life, he clearly only views her as a s*x object to show off to the boys. She has completely distanced herself from him and opted out of all hangouts with that deeply compromised friend group. He knows something is wrong but has no idea she found his disgusting digital footprint.
She is currently debating postponing the wedding to see if this mess is even salvageable, and the internet consensus is a resounding yes. She is not overreacting in the slightest. You cannot marry a man who actively degrades you to a group of men who are supposed to be your friends. Postponing the wedding is the absolute bare minimum, but throwing the whole fiancé in the garbage is the real solution.
That list is a gigantic red flag. Sharing that with other men, people you Know, that’s sick. , that’s a huge violation of trust. A deal breaker. I’d dump him. Btw everyone has morning breath after sleeping.
You need to factory reset his phone just in case he does have pictures or videos of you. Then leave his sorry, disgusting ass.