There is a very clear difference between being a supportive family member and acting as a permanent chauffeur for a grown adult. When you rely entirely on your mother in law to drive you around town, you forfeit the right to be offended when she drops a harsh truth bomb about your life choices. One woman recently found herself in a massive family feud after she bluntly told her daughter in law that bringing a baby into her current situation is a terrible idea.
The Original Poster is a mother who lives in an area of the United States where driving is absolutely essential. Public transportation is notoriously unreliable in her city, and using ride share apps on a daily basis is incredibly expensive. Her son is married to a woman named Kelly, and until recently, the mother in law and Kelly had a pretty solid relationship.
The major point of contention in Kelly’s life is her absolute refusal to learn how to drive. She suffers from anxiety and has avoided getting her driver’s license for years. Because money is tight for the young couple, taking expensive Ubers is not a viable option. As a result, Kelly relies entirely on her husband to drive her basically everywhere she needs to go.
When the husband is busy or traveling for work, the burden of transportation falls directly on the mother in law. She frequently has to step up and act as a free taxi service just so Kelly can leave her house. That exact dynamic set the stage for a massive confrontation over the weekend when the women in the family met up for their regular monthly dinner.
Because her son was unavailable, the mother in law drove to Kelly’s house, picked her up, and chauffeured her to the restaurant. Everyone was having a great time until Kelly casually announced that she and her husband were actively trying to get pregnant. The mother in law was completely shocked by the news. She managed to keep her mouth shut at the table, but her facial expressions completely betrayed her true feelings.
The dinner wrapped up, and the mother in law once again got into the driver’s seat to take Kelly home. Trapped in the car, Kelly refused to let the awkward dinner moment go. She demanded to know why her mother in law made a weird face when she announced the pregnancy plans. The older woman tried to brush it off, but Kelly relentlessly badgered her about it.
If you ask a highly sensitive question five times in a row, you need to be fully prepared to hear the unfiltered answer. The mother in law finally snapped. She looked right at Kelly and delivered a brutal dose of reality. She explicitly stated that she does not believe Kelly is ready to be a parent because she completely refuses to drive a car.
The mother in law pointed out the undeniable irony of the situation. She was literally driving Kelly home at that exact moment because the younger woman is incapable of getting places without adult supervision. She hit her with a barrage of incredibly valid logistical questions. What is the game plan when the husband travels for work? Will Kelly just hide inside the house all day with a newborn?
The most pressing issue is the reality of medical emergencies. Babies get sick at all hours of the night. If the husband is gone and a child needs to go to the emergency room, Kelly has absolutely no way to get there. The mother in law rightfully asked if the expectation was for her to act as a permanent, on call ambulance service, or if the broke couple planned to rely on Ubers they already admitted they cannot afford.
Instead of absorbing the logical concerns, Kelly threw a massive temper tantrum. She called her mother in law rude and referred to her as a d!ck. She then completely lacked self awareness by complaining that the older woman does not view her as an independent adult. It is incredibly difficult to view someone as an independent adult when you have to pick them up for dinner like a teenager.
The husband eventually called his mother, demanding an apology and asking her to lie by saying a baby is a good idea. The mother in law refused to back down, firmly believing her daughter in law needed the harsh wake up call. The internet overwhelmingly agreed with the mother in law. Having anxiety is difficult, but intentionally bringing a child into a situation where you cannot afford transportation and refuse to drive yourself is highly irresponsible. Kelly needs to secure a driver’s license before she even thinks about securing a car seat.