Lately I (16F) have not felt the best and I have wondered for a while why. It dawned upon me that it might be from something I experienced when I was 13 and I’m thinking about it a lot right now.
There’s a lot of things about this experience I don’t remember, but I’ll try my best to explain.
It was in the summer break, and I had taken it upon me to bike some more around to see the landscape around the city. I’ve never enjoyed biking at all, but for whatever reason, it was what I wanted.
This one day in the middle of July, I decided to go on one of my usual bike rides, and I remember the sun shining and the beautiful sky.
When I came to a long road close to my house, there was pretty much no one except a few cars. Suddenly, two of the cars bumped into each other, two men get out of the cars and begin discussing. For whatever reason, they part ways, but this middle-aged man was still angry, and he then saw me on my bike.
I don’t remember doing anything besides looking at him, so that might be the reason?
He ran towards me and yanked me off my bicycle. He then asked me what my problem was, and I replied, “nothing. Please let me go.” He started trying to hit me (maybe he did?) and told me to listen to him or he would kill me. Again, I have no idea why he was targeting me, and if I did something to make him angry.
I don’t know what I said or did, but he suddenly said, “You’re coming with me,” and went to open his trunk, that has what looked like some kind of weapon (gun) in.
That’s where my survival instincts kicked in, and I quickly got on my bike and speeded home.
When I got into my house and saw my parents, I began to shake and cry uncontrollably, and my mom has afterward told me that I was sweating like hell. I kept saying that we had to leave or he would come after me and kill me. My parents called the police, which I didn’t want because I thought he would kill me for calling the police.
The police came and talked to my parents. To make the rest short, it ended in court, and he was found guilty of all the charges and was given a jail sentence.
I got advised to seek a crisis child psychologist, which I did, but she made me feel worse about the whole thing.
I never got told why I was targeted and what I did wrong. That sucks because I feel like I did something to piss him off. I would love some advice on how to navigate my feelings or even what I can do to know why. I have also been told that I am overreacting, but I’m trying my best.
I accidentally deleted this post, so trying again.
Comments
Oh Love, you did nothing wrong. None of this was your fault.
This man was in a rage, or maybe even on drugs, and saw you as an easy target.
I’m glad you managed to get away from there.
Please, I know it’s so easy to say and so hard to do, but please do not blame yourself. You are not at fault.
I agree completely with what was said by u/GetEatenByAMouse. This is NOT you’re fault you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time and that is sometimes hard to comprehend because… why would anything like that happen randomly???
I’d encourage you to try a different therapist because this is something that, if unattended, can cripple you in the future. You might not realize it but you can grow up to be someone distrustful of people, prone to panic attacks, someone that shirks from socialization. You need help to navigate your very valid feelings and to gain back the confidence to face life without fear. Talk to your parents, a trusted adult, a school counselor and let them know what you’re going through and that you need help navigating it. It takes a lot of strength to ask for help and by just writing here, you already took that first step.
I wish for you peace of mind and soul. You are strong and you can do this. Please update us on your progress.
One of the hardest things to accept when we go through something traumatic is that sometimes there is literally no reason for it to happen.
You keep asking what you did wrong or how you caused it. You didn’t. Pure and simple. There was no other way you could have acted in that situation to avoid what happened to you.
Some people are bad people. They will hurt others simply for the pleasure and sense of power it gives them. That’s what happened to you. You just happened to be there at the wrong time and in the wrong place and someone decided your physical health and safety was worth less than their emotions.
I know this is easier said than done, but please try not to blame yourself. You cannot control what someone else will do, no matter how hard you try.
You definitely did not deserve it and I hope you find healing and peace soon.