To preface, no I have never been cheated on and also have never cheated on anyone.
But I can’t stand that there are so many people in this world that do this. My brain literally cannot process it. It digusts me and makes my stomach turn. I saw a post recently about someone who has been with their partner for 7 YEARS. And supposedly loves them and they are “the love of their life”. And yet this person chooses to cheat on them, because it’s a compulsion for them. I have NOT been able to stop thinking about this post for days now. The selfishness is astounding.
It bothers me SO much that their partner will likely never find out. It’s such a horrific injustice to me. Not only is it physically putting their partner in danger from STIs/STDs, but it’s the worst betrayal you can put upon someone you love, emotionally (imo).
I cannot fathom that you can supposedly love someone and yet go beyond their back and betray them to that extent. People who do this are subhuman, in my eyes. They are disgusting. They don’t deserve to live.
For my own sanity, help me understand that cheaters are people too. Help me understand that they are not all evil gremlins that plot to hurt the people they love most. Give me a different point of view so I stop thinking about this shit 24/7. Give me hope.
Comments
Some people have compulsions they can’t stop themselves from doing. Do you think gambling addicts are subhuman? Do you think people who break their back, start taking pain medication, then when they run out they find they can’t stand life without the medication because the pain is so bad, so they turn to illegal drugs out of desperation, do you think they are subhuman? In a way, sex addicts are the exact same thing as the two things I listed. And there are clinics and therapy to help all of these people.
My biggest issue with cheating is the pain it inflicts on others. They’re human. Just selfish, narcissistic humans who don’t care about others.
Eh I think it’s okay for you to be mad about it. I’m glad it’s never happened to you. I was actually talking to my s.o. about it today. Reason 1. They don’t care Reason 2. Their partner is so distant and they get so lonely it hardly feels like cheating.
I had a friend who fell into camp 2 (emotional cheating not physical) ((which idk)) but I didn’t hate her for it. I felt bad she lost a lot of friends and none of them even considered how terrible the person was that she cheated on. Her partner had cheated on her originally with an underage girl by 6 or 7 years. Then with her best friend on their anniversary leaving her alone. He was addicted to porn. Didn’t even flush the toilet after he took shits…. Yikes…. She wanted to feel loved. That’s it. Still wasn’t okay and their relationship was doomed long before that. Obvs she should’ve just left but. Yeah. Idk. I just hope it never happens to you.
I personally have a +60% chance I won’t be friends with someone or won’t trust them if I know they ever cheated on someone to be fair.
A very close family member of mine has emotionally cheated and they’re not subhuman. I get it’s something to be upset over but that’s pretty wild to consider those people subhuman. Cheating has a lot of complexity involved, sure there are those who do it for ego with no regard, but others have compulsions, others feel misunderstood etc. I’m not saying it’s right at all, but it’s good to look at the human and humans are complex beings.
Then a lot more of the word is subhuman than we’re all willing to admit.
I was cheated on by my husband after we had 5 children and were together 15yrs, I forgave him. I caught him again 10 years later but I’m pretty sure now he cheated more in-between. He wasn’t subhuman by any means IMO from knowing him personally for close to 30 years he suffered from extremely low self esteem and confusion about his own sexual orientation.
He mostly refused to talk, he deflected, he blamed, he denied. At the end of the day I wasn’t at fault for the failure of our marriage because whatever was damaged within him, whatever he was insecure and unsure about was something I couldn’t fix. He has mental health issues he needs to address and I suspect talking to others who have cheated or been cheated on that is common with a lotbof cheaters. Sex is just a temporary fix for deeper issues. It’s like a drug in many ways.
Maybe damaged broken humans but not sub.
If we look at the stats something like 80% of people who cheat will not do it again. Typically there is some issue that causes them to cheat. Not an excuse. They are struggling mentally, feel very alone, disconnected, whatever it is. They become so desperate that when the opportunity to connect comes along they take it.
For me…I was that asshole. My SO at the time was super distant, cancelling plans, and just seeming not to value me.
I was immature, insecure, and had no real support system in my life after my dad passed away. Not an excuse, I should not have done it and I regret the betrayal everyday. I just wanted so badly to feel connected and valued but I went about it in the worst way.
Sometimes we need help but don’t know where or how to get it. Again, not an excuse. Just an explanation.
I’d never cheat on my wife. I’m a completely different person than that scared, alone kid I was 20yrs ago.
I don’t think cheating in anything makes someone subhuman. Having that category seems unhelpful.
Cheating is extremely damaging to people, and immoral in lots of cases. A lack of empathy is probably the cause of a lot of cheating.
I’ve been cheated on and I would never do it to anyone. It took me years to finally understand a little. Don’t get me wrong I still think it’s a choice and it’s very selfish.
Anyway, I was trapped in a relationship financially and with very blended lives since we shared a home and pet etc. I loved my SO, but we just weren’t working and not really “partners” who could talk to each other. It got to the point where I only discussed my plans, dreams, and accomplishments with friends only because my SO didn’t care. At that point I realized our relationship was a husk, like two roommates so I worked on getting out of it. However, I realized that I had the support of a great group of very platonic friends, and the person that cheated on me did it with a female friend who was pushing boundaries already and readily available when they needed “support”. I guess since I make very clear boundaries, I was just never in the position to have someone waiting in the wings for any small problem. I think that might be how it happens for other people. They are trapped by finances/children/comfort, but get attached when someone is just there to fill a small void in the relationship, even if that person isn’t worth letting go of the whole relationship for.
I don’t know if that makes sense, but it helped me not hate (some) cheaters as much. Obviously the serial cheaters are usually trying to fill more of an internal void than a relationship void, and then there are people who hurt their SO for sport which I still hate.
Almost everyone I know has cheated or has been cheated on. It seems there’s a lot of non-monogamous people out there trying to hide behind monogamous relationships at their partner’s expense.