So I (21F) have been dating my bf (20M) for about 3.5 years now. His 21st is next week and his friends are hosting a party about 45min/an hour away at one of their houses.
I asked my parents if it would be alright this one time to sleepover, usually i have to leave by 12:30/1am. My mom immediately shut me down no room for discussion now obviously i think i should be able to do it. because its his 21st so obviously he’s going to drink i would like to join in and partake but wont obviously if i have to drive home.
so i just would like to know what you guys think. I feel I’m an adult although i do understand i still live with them and its their house but we have been together long enough my mom knows I’m on bc and we just wouldn’t be so disrespectful to do anything other than literally sleep at someone else’s house.
also if this is not the right sub plz lmk where i could go 🙏
are my parents being helicopter parents or am I being a child?
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You are no longer a teenager – they are being helicopter parents.
You are 21, your parents should have no bearings on what you do. They can care and worry but they can’t decide what you can or can not do.
Wait wait wait.. you have to, as an adult, ask permission to stay out over night?
You’re 21, you’re old enough to be able to make your own decisions…go to the party, enjoy yourself while you still can.
You’re 21, a full blown adult. If they’re still unwilling to reason with you, that shows they still want control over you. Absolutely helicopter parents, 100%.
Also ask this in am I the asshole
Move tf out
When it boils down to it You’re an adult. It’s 100% your decision. Just remember that living in your parents house, if they don’t respect your decision they would be within their rights to ask you to find somewhere else to live. I don’t know how strict your parents are but this is something that could potentially be in play. I personally would never do that to any of my kids though, at least not for something like this.
their house their rules, if you dont like it move out. theyre being helicopter parents but youre also being a child. they dont need to let you live in their house and you dont need to live there, whats more important living with them or making your own decisions
Do you live with your mom? If yes, don’t be upset.
Why are you even asking your parents what you can and can’t do?
You’re 21. A good percentage of people are parents themselves at that age.
Do whatever you want, and if they tell you that you can’t, just laugh in their face because it’s hilarious that they think they’re in charge.
I’m 20 living with my parents and they’re cool with sleep overs as long as I’ll be safe (and they trust my judgement for what is and isn’t safe). Your parents are definitely being helicopter about this
Both
You. Are. An. Adult
You need to get out from under your parents’ thumb.
You are an adult. Act like one. Live in your own place, support yourself and make your own decisions about personal behavior. Until then, live under someone else’s roof, live by their rules.
Their house, their rules.
If you are still living at home, you have to abide by their rules.
You can have discussions about it, but at the end of the day, if they are paying your rent, food, insurance, etc, their rules.
Your options are to abide by them, or go out into the world on your own. That might make them loosen up, but at some point thats what it comes down to.
Do you pay rent?
Is this cultural for you? I ask because I’m not quite sure why you asked permission to stay over or why you have a curfew. You are 21.
Once you turn 18, your parents still have a say if you are living at home, but they need to be preparing you for adult life. That means saying things like, “Well, be responsible. Don’t go driving or anything like that. If anythingmakes you uncomfortable, call us, we are here for you.”
They don’t get to say things like “No, you cannot go to XYZ party.” You are now an adult, and you get to make your own decisions! It’s wise to listen to others, many people have experienced a great many things, but others don’t get to dictate what you do any more.
Don’t go off the rails with rebellion, but it’s time to start setting parental boundaries.
You’re 21. I don’t know of any western country where you’d still be an adolescent. You don’t even have to ask them anymore. You don’t even have to tell them you’re going. But I wouldn’t go as far as to call them helicopter parents.
when you are 12 you ask permission for sleepovers, at 21 is polite to let them know where you at, if you find it necessary. they are smothering you
Do you pay for anything? Like rent, bills, food, your own phone, car, etc? If so than them giving you rules in wrong. But if they are truly supporting you in every sense, then I think you gotta do what they say. Because if you piss them off and they cut you off/ kick you out, then you’re in a bad place.
This is why people move out of their parents’ house when they become adults 🙂 Your parents might be stricter than others, but if you’re living in their house for free or at a low rate, then the price you pay for that is your parents still acting like your parents.
If you go and they don’t like it, they’re free to ask you to move out or to pay rent. If you don’t like that they’re dictating what you’re allowed to do, then you’re free to move out. If you can’t move out, then you need to make appeasing them your priority.
If you live rent free under their roof, then as an Adult, its a risk to piss them off. They could kick you out. That said, it might be time to test some limits, which is a young adult thing to do.
My mum tried to do this when I was in my 20s too. They are being controlling more than helicopter parents. I know it can be scary to let your kid go, but they need to loosen up and you need to start setting boundaries. Yes, you are an adult. So you can do whatever and go wherever you like.
They’ll get used to it eventually. All I did with my mum was tell her where I was going and just go. I let her know when I was there safely and I let her know when I’d be home. There was no more can I go, it was just okay I’m going, bye.
I know you said you are 21 and he’s going to be 21. but this reads like a 14 or 15-year-old wanting to stay at her bf’s house overnight. Perhaps you haven’t shown whatever amount of maturity they would like to have seen by now. At the end of the day, you’re living in their house still so you’re going to have to abide by the rules, or you say “fuck it” and just go and deal with whatever consequences come from that
We all know you want to go over there to bang so just tell em that and be honest.
OP, you’re an adult and responsible for yourself. But I’d be concerned about a sleepover in a house where guys have been drinking, if it were me. No matter how well you think you know the other guys, there can be surprises when alcohol is involved.
As long as you live in their house, you play by their rules, especially if you’re not paying rent. If you want the freedoms that come with adulthood, move out.
Helicopter parents
What you need to ask yourself is it worth it to just sleep over anyways and just deal with the bs tomorrow.
As long as you live with your parents and are not paying a resonance rent – you respect the rules of their home. Once you are out on your own paying your own way, you do as you please.
Having a curfew at 21 is crazy let alone having to ask if you can stay over somewhere.
You’ve been an adult for 3 years now. They can refuse to let you stay in their house if you don’t follow their rules but outside of that you can do what you want.
Parent point of view here-just because you turn 21 doesn’t mean your an “adult” in their eyes- you’ll always be their “child” they’ll always feeling some responsibility
approach the conversation again with your mom. A respectful conversation, not argumentative. Verbalize youre trying to understand her train of thought, what’s her apprehension? whats they reason behind the “No“ Reiterate you a mature, respectful, responsible daughter, theres no harm in going to this “special“ occasion. Let them know you really want to attend. Try to compromise, staying out later than 1am and reassure them you won’t drink & drive. Remember it only takes 1 drink to get pulled over!
you’ve been dating this guy for 3.5 yrs what are their boundaries/rules/contract discussed in the past? do they know you drink alcohol? what are their/ your expectations as far as intimacy?
good luck- show them you are mature & responsible enough to attend 😊
You’re 21 why are you even asking? Absolutely not
You are at the transition period. They are being helicopter parents and having trouble making the transition. I went away to college. When I returned the first summer my parents fell right back into curfews like it was in high school. I shut it down by explaining I had just been unsupervised for 9 months. They backed off. Unfortunately, you still live at home and it may be tougher. Good luck.
You are an adult in EVERY legal sense.
On the other hand:
Your parents’ house, their rules.
If you as a legal adult are finding their rules restricting, do the legal adult thing and find yourself another place to live.
If you don’t have a job, get one.
Use that money for housing expenses.
As soon as I saw your age, I stopped reading and came to the conclusion that yes, they are.
Edit this is more controlling than helicopter
You’re 21. You’re an adult, you do not need their permission.
If you don’t like their rules, move out.
If you don’t break into their house at 2 am drunk then I don’t see a problem. If you come home and you’re drunk and loud I can understand why they would say no lol. If you stay out and come back the next day there should be no issue.
Yes, they are helicopter parents. You are 21, you’re not a child, you’re not even a teenager, you’re an adult. At that age, I was not asking my parents for permission to do anything. You’re old enough to make that call.