It was tumultuous. It was anxious. It wasn’t healthy.
When I got with her, she told me she wasn’t ready yet. I convinced her to try anyway, but she was right. And honestly, if I was really ready myself, I wouldn’t have tried to convince her. I would have bid her farewell.
As far as I know, neither of us intended to hurt the other. But by the very nature of our codependent relationship, we hurt eachother anyway.
But it’s over now. And though it’s hard to focus on the peace over the noise of all the pain and regret, I can’t deny it. It’s better this way. If I reached out to her, I’d only bring back anxiety and pain into our lives.
My failure to acknowledge that before is why she was the one who rightfully ended it.
I’m doing my best now. Trying to move forward. Making money. Working out. Going to therapy. Volunteering. Seeing my friends and family. I’m even reading books on burnout and setting boundaries.
I wish I could feel seen again like she once made me feel. But I won’t trade this peace for it. And she wouldn’t either. Good for us.
Comments
Happy you choose peace! It’s a very underrated thing. I had so much anxiety in my last relationship so I also ended it because of that.
It sucks to end things but one day we’ll find peace within ourselves and be able to give that to someone else.
I was the girl in a similar situation and it was also an absolutely shitshow. The way we let go was less a matter of decision and more about shit hitting the fan to a degree we couldn’t come back from, so major props to you guys for realizing this wasn’t sustainable and cutting it off even if it hurts.
I hope you’ll meet someone again who makes you feel appreciated without the drawbacks of a toxic dynamic