For around a year now (I know, it’s a lot) I’ve been contemplating leaving my relationship and debating if it’s actually what I want. I’ve come to realize there’s nothing necessarily wrong with the relationship I just don’t really want my future controlled by him anymore. He tends to hold me back even in the smallest ways, I don’t have an example at the moment but regardless he shouldn’t be trying to limit me. We’ve been together for 1.5 years now and I really just don’t know if I want this anymore. I know that’s immature and why should you get into a relationship if you aren’t going to keep it but at the time I didn’t know it wasn’t what I wanted. What keeps me in it is thinking “what if he’s the only one who will treat me well?” “What if it’s all in my head?” “What if it’s intrusive and this isn’t what I want?” If anyone’s up to challenging that too, how do you see the reality of those thoughts?
TL;DR: Is it enough of a reason to leave my boyfriend just because I don’t want to be in the relationship anymore?
Comments
Yes – that’s the point of dating.
You can dump someone at any time for any reason at all.
If you don’t want to be there, don’t be. You’re both young and hearts heal given enough time.
You’re already out of it mentally, so cut the cord now.
Hi! That’s a perfectly valid reason to leave, you shouldn’t stay with someone you think holds you back or someone your just not feeling/seeing a future with. You’re 18 you will have plenty of other options in your lifetime lol. Plus the fact that you’ve been having doubts for over a year, is that really how you think you would view the one for you?
At 18/19 you guys don’t have anyother thing? Like Career?
This is something you have to decide for yourself. Nobody cares about what you decide to do in your relationship except for you and him.
If you don’t wanna be with somebody, you don’t have to. But you alone have to shoulder those consequences or feelings. If youre ok with that then i guess we are too? Leaving somebody isn’t a right/wrong thing to do.
Yes! You always have the right to and a relationship for any reason or no reason!
Yes the point of dating is to evaluate compatibility and choose to stay or go. Not pick someone , be miserable and stick it out. Especially at 18, you don’t owe anyone your time. Society really convinces women to pursue their own happiness is selfish. Men walk out whenever they feel however. Leave early!! Whenever you feel like it!!
At this point, it doesn’t matter if it’s in your head or real. You’ve wanted out for a year, so you clearly aren’t in it 100%, and that’s not fair to anyone. You’re young. You’re only dating. End it if needed.
Yes, it’s ok to leave a relationship anytime you want or feel it’s time to. You have your entire life ahead of you. Lean on your support system ( family, friends, etc) and move on. It’s your right.
Leave. You’re 18yrs old and he’s dragging you down already. You probably won’t be able to imagine the extent of what your life will be like if you stay but trust me – it will not be at all pleasant, worth the hassle and he’ll drag you down and keep you from doing everything you love,
Get your shit and get out asap.
At your age you are learning about relationships. Hopefully, in addition to learning what you really want, you are also learning how to respect others. It can be complicated for some of us to learn enough. Doesn’t sound to me as if you want to be in that relationship, so take what you’ve learned and hopefully make different choices next time. No shame, no blame. It’s just learning
No. You have to be with the person you date at 18 forever. Sorry, thems the rules.
Of course you can leave! It sucks and it feels bad both to be single after love and to hurt another person, but you’ll recover, he’ll recover, and life will move on!
It feels like a big deal, but honestly in five years you’ll wonder why you waited this long. If its not right, its not right. And speaking from experience, delaying a breakup in the hope things improve or from fear of never doing any better is a terrible idea and only wastes time and increases the pain of the eventual breakup.
If your heart’s not in it, then break it off, and break it off clean. Don’t continue to sleep with him, don’t even be friends for at least a month, or longer if he’s not showing signs of accepting the breakup, or just wish him well and end all contact, that’s a perfectly acceptable option, too.
At 18, 28, 38, or 68, there are still so many opportunities and experiences to be had that supercede a worry that no one else will treat you well. Especially if you’re concerned that the guy you’re seeing isn’t actually treating you all that well.
Good luck!
It’s actually immature to think you should stay in a relationship just because you started it, as well as to think “he’s the only one who will do X”.
It can be hard to figure out what you want, especially when what you want changes with time. You don’t need a “good” reason to end things. You will know when the time is right. Trust yourself. An intrusive thought is one you have but don’t believe or want to do, like “spit in that persons face”. When you interrogate the thought you can feel a true rejection of it. Can you feel that when you think of ending the relationship, or is that that based on true feelings?
just not wanting to be with someone any more is more than enough of a reason to leave
Yes, you can end a relationship for any reason, including just not feeling like dating that person anymore.
Also, loving advice from an old hag, if you ever get a reaction where the other person doesn’t accept breaking up and demands a “real” reason, know that you don’t owe them one and at that point it’s completely valid to just tell them it’s over and block them.
If you’re feeling like this already then definitely leave. It’s okay, you’re allowed to not want to be with someone anymore!
Let me tell you, when you’re with someone who is right for you and a good fit, you won’t be thinking about leaving. You’ll know.
That is literally the definition of when you break-up with someone: I don’t want to be with this person anymore.
YES. you matter more than a relationship you dont care about!!
You’re young. If you don’t feel satisfied, move on. Better now than later
I didn’t even read anything you wrote. I don’t need to. The answer is yes.
From the title alone: Yep.
After reading: Yep.
Yes, and you don’t need permission.
> I know that’s immature and why should you get into a relationship if you aren’t going to keep it
To get to know someone better to find out if they’re someone you want to spend the rest of your life with?
It’s a relationship, not a marriage. There’s no contract. It’s not a life sentence.
Yes you can and should end a relationship for any reason, if that’s what you want to do.
Him being controlling is a huge reason though.
Absolutely okay! It’s your life !
Is perfectly fine to leave a relationship because you don’t want to be with the person anymore or in the relationship anymore. You’re better off getting this figured out at 1 1/2 years rather than a 10 or 15 years.
You said you have concerns about finding somebody who would treat you as well as he does. There are over 8 billion people on this planet now. I’m sure they’re at least one or two men in that number who would treat you as well or better.
The important thing to keep in mind about relationships is that it’s important to find out what we want in a relationship and also what we don’t want. If you can let go of the popular mindset of “finding the one I’m supposed to be with“ or “finding my soulmate“, you will be light years ahead of everybody else.
Like there are rules? Dating is dating, its not marriage and even if it were you can still leave for any reason. Nothing you do from the age of 0-25 is likely to be permanent other than graduating from HS and potentially college. You shouldnt be locking yourself down to anything that feels limiting. that includes jobs and relationships.
People graduating HS and college are about to have their entire world turned upside down. And that changes people. The chance of 2 people in a relationship changing in the same way and ending up going in the same direction they were prior to those huge life events is staggeringly small. The number of people in the western world who end up with whom they date in HS is a rounding error.
Your teens and 20s are about learning who you are and what you want in a partner. that means trying new things, and trying new people, even trying new sexes or genders if thats your thing.
If you find someone you really like, sure settle down for a bit and see what thats like. see if it works, you may be one of the .1% who make it, but be realistic about it. When you start to struggle after just a few months, just let it go. If you have to work hard right away its going to be a nightmare when things get tough.
just a few thoughts from an old guy
You’re young. Leaving should be the default option IMO.
If he’s putting limits on you, that’s not the man for you. Find someone who want you to excel beyond even your dreams. Not put the brakes on you.
You never need a reason to break up with someone. You are not obligated to be with anyone. Dating is basically gambling, you’re taking a chance.
Yes, of course you can. I had similar concerns when I was your age with my first bf and ended up staying with him for another whole year, and got really messed around. Sadly it’s part of dating, but you’re not a bad person for wanting to break up. It just seems like you aren’t compatible.
The difference between dating and marriage is that when dating, you’re allowed to walk away at any time you want for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
You don’t have to have a reason. You just have to be calm, kind and honest that you just don’t want a relationship with him. You’re very young and dating is an important way to learn about yourself (or not dating and postponing that experience for a period of time,). If you feel in your gut that something is likely to hold you back, then it is.
No, you have to stay with the first person you date forever
/s
Of course it is OK. In fact, staying with the wrong person is one of the worst life choices you can make. Use this time to find the right partner and don’t settle – you deserve better than to be with a guy who’s not right for you. Be gentle, be kind – but but be strong in standing up for yourself.
You are 18. It’s natural to drift apart from people at that age as everyone starts to figure out what path they want to take. I don’t want to say “outgrow” because that implies your path is inherently better, but
If you truly feel like he’s holding you back from the future you want, you will probably grow to resent him. thats not fair to either of you. It’s better to be in a relationship where both parties truly want it, it makes such a difference. And dragging it out too long will only make it worse. You’re already at the point where you’re asking internet strangers of you should break up.
It’s easy to think that the mature path is sticking things through, but sometimes it’s better to know when to quit. There’s certainly times to fight through temporary ruts, but recognizing when that temporary feeling is a sign of long term issues is an important skill to develop.
I promise there are others who will treat you well, don’t let that thought hold you back. Staying with someone because you’re scared of being alone is shitty for everyone involved.
Sure, you can leave for any reason you want.
Yes. This is why you date.
I dumped a girlfriend back in my 20’s because she smelled really badly of cigarettes. Couldn’t take it any more. OP, you are being kind by not going into why you want to break up. Maybe he’s immature, gaming all the time, not ambitious – whatever. It’s your life. You’re young! Make your choices for your own future. Good luck, be strong!
You are not married to the guy. You started dating someone as a teen. As you’ve matured, you have come to realize that this match is no longer serving you. That is perfectly normal. You dont have to be shackled for life to the person that your teenaged brain picked out as a boyfriend.
And you dont need justification. It is enough to say “I treasure the time we had together, but this relationship is no longer working for me and we need to break up”. Be kind, but do what you need to do.
Absolutely.
You’re wasting both your own AND his time and energy by staying in a relationship you don’t want to be in.
>why should you get into a relationship if you aren’t going to keep it
that’s not the point of a relationship. people change and relationships change over time. it’s okay to move on if the relationship is no longer where you want to be.
That is all the reason you need. Breaking up is your right.
The rules for leaving a relationship is like the terms of service for random on-line services. “We can terminate the account for any reason or no reason.”
Nobody is obligated to say in a relationship if they’re not feeling it. You’re even allowed to end it if everything is perfect and you don’t want to end it.
Yes. You don’t need any reason, really.
Think of dating as an audition for marriage. It’s not just about having fun or feeling a spark. It’s about seeing if someone is truly compatible with you for the long run. Just like an audition helps determine if someone is the right fit for a role, dating helps you assess whether a person aligns with your values, goals, and vision for the future. It’s a time to observe how they handle challenges, communicate, and support you emotionally and spiritually. A successful relationship isn’t built on chemistry alone. It’s built on trust, understanding, and shared purpose. Dating gives you the opportunity to evaluate all of that before making a lifelong commitment. Hope this helps😊
You break up for whatever reason you want
? Are you under the impression that you must stay with him for the rest of your life? Have you seen other relationships before?
Of course it’s ok. Plz don’t wait a year next time.
If you feel held back it’s not worth it
If someone makes you feel trapped and unhappy, leave them. The idea that you have to stick with someone no matter what is really unhealthy. You’re young. Go live your life. Meet and date a lot of people so you’ll have a deeper understanding of who enriches your life and who just keeps you down.