I have no family, no friends, my husband and I can’t get along anymore. He’s been traveling for work for almost four years and I barely see him. I’m at a loss at what to do. I cry all the time, I’m alone all the time, and no one talks to me.
I have no family, no friends, my husband and I can’t get along anymore. He’s been traveling for work for almost four years and I barely see him. I’m at a loss at what to do. I cry all the time, I’m alone all the time, and no one talks to me.
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Why do you think that no one is talking to you?
🫂 I definitely feel that. I’ve been in the same boat for years and slowly have been coming out of it. You can reach out to people online, or text a crisis hotline if you are feeling that bad. That’s what they’re there for.
Reach out to people. Try to find new groups. Look into local events or clubs or stuff like that. You deserve to feel cared about.
Also maybe talk to your husband about the long distance if it’s not working out.
It is a very dark place to be. I can understand where “no one gives a shit about me” coming from. I know it hurts, and giving advice like “find new friends or new people to connect with” is dry and blind when the situation feels so real.
It is not like I am above it, but I have spent the majority of my life feeling this way. It is not the best way to live, but it is what it is.
This is what I do – I work hard at my job, sometimes I put extra hours in, when I am home I do freelance, when I am bored I watch something funny or do paintings. Basically I keep myself busy. I found few people this way. Temporary, without a doubt but at least not forced.
Its not like you have to do it this way. But, I suppose, or at least, I believe, it all starts with becoming comfortable with yourself. I may or may not find the people I seek or anyone who cares about me. But do I care about myself first and foremost? Probably no but I am learning to and I wish same for you.
So care about yourself first you got this.
Find something that interests you, and join a club, do some study, even volunteer work. Get out and meet people
Remember you are valuable. Some people turn to religion, others to hobbies, and some get therapy. There’s no cookie cutter answer for everyone. Being alone doesn’t have to be lonely. Peace comes from within. Lastly, focusing too much on the negative will blind you to the good. Everyday is a new day, so give yourself some grace and believe that things will get better.
Get professional help, but also if they don’t care about you why you give a damn about them? Wouldn’t ending it be giving them maybe what they want hell no I’m not giving anyone the satisfaction fuck them im going to live till old age and i hope it eats at them.
Even if you did have a lot of people to talk to…Go see a therapist.
Get recommendations. Don’t settle. I have had great, good and fair ones. The best ones will listen, encourage you to talk and assist you in reaching conclusions. GL
In addition to counseling, you may want to consider volunteering. People are so grateful and you usually meet other nice volunteers
i’m sorry you feel that way. just remember your living for you. you only live one life.
Spite.
OP this speaks to me so much. I hope it means anything at all that you are seen and not the only person experiencing this.
I think I know exactly how you feel and the isolation is achingly endless. In my darker times I’ve turned it around by trying to put myself last. I’ve come up with a sort of motto for myself to get through the especially lonely times. To Earn what blessings I do have in life, and to focus more on Giving than what I’m Earning.
In my own experience I’ve had success turning things around by drudging through it one step at a time. I got on antidepressants, pushed myself to try therapy, made a list of things that used to bring me joy-and either pursued them again or tried to find what was the common theme. Gardening, dance classes, hiking, volunteered at an animal shelter, sewing, clay sculpting, beading, roller skating, community clean up days, gathering and making donations to a local children’s nonprofit. I pushed myself to do things that felt pointless but that I’d always wanted to do. Just for the sake of saying I did it, I got my passport, I took a motorcycle class and got my motorcycle license. I tried reading again but longer books never stuck, I had an easier time with poetry (try Neil Hillborn- he has stuff one YouTube). I moved on a whim several times. Sometimes out of state. All this of course of long periods of time. I was mostly broke and really had to save up to do things once at a time mostly. Also mixed in with plenty of bad coping mechanisms that I don’t recommend lol. I was homeless twice.
Fuck it is hard. I still struggle with it off and on. But it’s now been .. 10? (Holy shit ten already!?) 10 years since I survived the day I thought I couldn’t take it anymore. I don’t have a super easy secret to it all. I wish, for all my experience that I did. I guess I’d say, don’t be afraid to mourn it all. Mourn everything and face it directly and scream at the universe. After that, keep searching for things that bring you joy. One of my previous therapists did a lot of work regarding a grounding with me. Take it a moment at a time blah blah blah. It works. Once you get the hang of it. I would walk to work and just find one thing I liked on every block. I memorized it all so on my bad days I could just drag myself along. “I gotta keep this day going first I’ll just make it to see the neighbors peach tree. Just gonna make it to the mural by the library. Etc.” Eventually little moments start to grow into more important feeling things. “I want to check on so and so at work because they mentioned something they were having a hard time with something. (Even if I was just their acquaintance.) “I wanna work with that one dog at the shelter more this weekend, if I can get them to master ‘leave it’ and ‘stay’ I really think someone will adopt him.” Every moment and every day is a choice.
PS dump the husband. The separation will free and give you a catalyst to choose life.
Only you can take responsibility for your happiness. No one else is responsible for your happiness. Decide and implement what changes are necessary for you to find joy
I only have my sister (that I talk to). I am unmarried and was unable to conceive. So, I have a cat. However I was raised to be alone. My parents were sick of raising kids (6 before me) and I was born late in their life (my oldest sister was 18 years older than me. They both worked . So, I was alone most of the time.
So, I am used to it, and have social anxiety, so being alone works best for me.
You have to give a shit about yourself and do whatever you can to improve your situation.
You have to give a shit about yourself
I feel every ounce of this. The world is a dark place. The best thing I’ve found is to focus on your personal goals, and don’t rely on others to bring you happiness. I’m pleased to be your friend! We can be lonely together! ♡
You may not be religious or even believe in a religion, but you could try going to church. Most of the time church folk are very nice and friendly, and you can join in any weekly activities they offer!
And also u/HeyImTrying__ had really great advice as well.
In any case, I am praying for you and hope you find happiness soon <3
It can be hard to give specific advice without knowing your age range however I will do my best to give advice from my own personal experiences.
knowing worth of self is perhaps the most important thing that people struggle to understand. and by that I mean knowing that you are worth to be cared for to be appreciated and for someone to put in as much effort into yourself that you may be putting into others as well. speaking from my own personal experience, I have had to cut myself off entirely from a group of friends that I have spent three years with. it was quite perhaps one of the most difficult things I have done to dates on this planet and it hurt at the time. but after I realized what was going on and that they would never change I knew that I was worth more than what they were giving me and I made the decision to cut them out along with anyone who continued to interact with them as nobody else had my back when it was very clear I was being treated unfairly.
Step one for me was identifying that there was a problem that needs to be solved and something needed to be changed. step two was to realize that the individual or individuals were incapable of change even when the problem was brought to their attention. and step three was letting go and moving on. doing this last step can seem like you’ve wasted so much of your time and that it has been all for nothing if you do move on but it is important to know that you will probably spend more time trying to change people or an individual that is unwilling to change and unwilling to accept certain accountability for themselves. And ultimately your efforts will probably fail and change will not happen.
Areas that you can work on personally is perhaps your interests or activities. I have seen and heard a lot of relationships failing because the relationship was the identity of both sides of the relationship. if all you do is watch videos all day or work and have a very Bland lifestyle it’s going to be hard for other people to share common interests with you or be interested in things that you are doing. not all interest have to be the same from partner to partner of course but there should be a few commonalities that bind you with who you want to be with.
I myself have interests in computer software, computer repair, networking, computer programming, woodworking, Aviation and aerospace engineering, civil engineering, pharmacology, biology, psychology, Manufacturing, General handyman and DYI projects, and far more things to list off. but my point is that I have a lot of topics that I am interested in and know at least a fair amount in and that gives me tools that I can use to break the ice with individual or a group of people.
and while I’m just using myself and my observations as examples as there’s not enough information for me to perhaps help with your specific needs I hope at least my ramblings offer some insight as to maybe what part of the problem is or help you find Solace and moving on and that it is perhaps the best decision if it is for you.
be happy for yourself and others will come to you, if you have a colorful personality, and plentiful pallet of interests, people will stick around. and most importantly don’t be afraid of change, standing still can be far more terrifying than making a move even if a move feels like it’s the wrong direction.
I sincerely hope you have the best of luck with your endeavors and that you find the happiness everyone deserves to have. and I hope my ramblings with voice to text makes sense to you and a non accusatory way as I spoke mostly from my own experience or observations and not necessarily from anything that you said in your post or subsequent responses in the comment section.
Kinda been going through this too. It sucked really bad at first but it taught me how much I run from my thoughts, how codependent I can be, and how much I don’t love myself. What I’ve been doing is focus on hobbies that I enjoy that I don’t really need other people for. Music, art, video games, movies, learning how to cook things, reading, working, stand up comedy. I’m honestly happier and more content being alone now because now there is less noise in my head and that loneliness is now peace and I have space to heal and figure things in life out easier. I think facing the loneliness and being alone with your thoughts and learning how to accept and be okay with them is how you reach that kind of peace. I think there is a lot of pressure in society to feel like you need to be accepted by everybody but yourself, and that’s no way to live really. People pleasing will burn you out, although connection is certainly important. It’s not everything though, your everything is you, you are all you’ve got and all you have until the end. You are worth validation, love, and kindness, and care, and it might be time for you to learn to nurture yourself so you don’t feel this way when inevitably attention/connection comes and goes throughout life. Might as well use this opportunity to make it easier on yourself.
The question about whether you should be with your husband or not given you can’t get along anymore, I will leave for someone else. But the other piece about community is important. Family can be a big part of this but that’s a finite group located wherever they’re located. I’d encourage you to find something you like or a hobby you have or want to be involved with and attend some kind of meetups with those people. It’s instant community and will very much remind you that you’re never alone so long as you do the simple work of seeking out the company of others
Spite
Find a purpose and pursue it.