I am almost 25 years old and the oldest of three. My mom and I have always had a strenuous relationship and treated me very differently compared to my younger brothers. She told me a few times over the years about how giving birth to me was extremely traumatic and how she struggled to emotionally connect with me as a baby. Well, last night she told me that she still suffers from that feeling. She told me that she has never been able to fully connect with me and that most of the time she just sees me as a stranger but doesn’t feel this way towards my brothers. How do I overcome the pain of never having a parental figure in my life that loves me? My dad abandoned me when I was a toddler and my step-dad treated me like some random woman as I got older. I still cry often for the parents I never had.
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I’ll adopt ya. I love love and dont quit anything, unless it’s impossible! Are you impossible?
Some things you don’t tell your kid. Your mother sucks. I’d disown her. She doesn’t deserve to be in your life.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. You don’t deserve this treatment. You deserve a loving mother. My father for years has said very hurtful things to me as well. She failed you as a mother and you deserve better. You are not responsible for her lack of connection to you. It took me forever to get to the point where I am now, where I accept that my father never wanted me and doesn’t care to lose me. It doesn’t hurt anymore. I know who I am and what I deserve. I understand that no matter what I do, there was no way to have him see how lucky he is to have me as a daughter. If you are able to get to this point, you’ll be ok. If you are able to seek therapy, do it! Therapy helped me process the pain I felt when I finally accepted my father was never going to love me the way I loved him. And that’s ok, because I love myself and that’s all that matters in the end. Hope you are able to find healing.
I’m so sorry. She is not a mother. A mother would seek help for those issues as to never put them on their child. I’m sending so much love ❤️
She should have gotten therapy! This is not your fault. How does anyone process being told what she told you?!??! Were you depressed after she said that to you? I have a strained relationship with my dad and it’s been a huge issue my whole life. It’s been depressing dealing with his narcissistic abuse as an adult. He always treated me like I wasn’t his biological child, but I am. He told me I never “gave him the opportunity to love me”. But that’s bs because babies come into this world blameless and innocent, who couldn’t love a baby?
My advance is to go inward and start to heal, when you’re ready. For myself, I learned self love during the pandemic and that was huge. You can always change yourself if you don’t like something, can’t change others.
Start treating yourself how you’d want other people to treat you. Really love on and show love to yourself. That has been very helpful for me. I always used to put myself last. Now I put myself first so I can take care of others.
I don’t know what your spiritual beliefs are, but becoming a spiritual person has really changed my life for the better. I learned reiki and that helped me meet some really good people.
You are a strong soul, I don’t believe you’d be in this position if you weren’t. This is just my advice and things that have worked well in my situation, which sounds pretty similar to yours.
My sister had a traumatic conception and delivery of her son. Our mum is now raising that poor boy because my sister couldn’t do for him what your mum did for you. She was still there every day, trying her best. My sister had all the support and still have up on her 2 1/2 year old little boy.