So things have randomly been going missing from my room including a sex toy I never found and a bra. I found this morning a Nintendo switch is missing that I’ve stored away and went to look in my kids rooms (2 sons and 1 daughter). Did not yet find the switch but DID find two rubber gloves and 2 pairs of my underwear under my 11 year old son’s pillow. He will be 12 in July. I googled this and it seems surprisingly common but I’m uncomfortable and don’t know what to do.
Edit: I removed them from his room and threw them away and was thinking about just seeing if this happens again. Additionally he has severe adhd and is in special education.
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You need to lay down the law with this boy. Stealing your underwear? What is he, some kind of budding pervert? You tell him point blank that if this behavior doesn’t stop he’s going to see a shrink because clearly his brain is not functioning properly. And then you put a lock on your door and you say to those little thieves that this is what it’s come to. Don’t be nice. The nicer you are the more they’ll steal from you.
I’d love to see the source that says this is “common”.
There needs to be a serious conversation with your son.
This should be a serious conversation. Whatever your worst punishment is he needs to get it.
My brother did this with me growing up, and nothing we did stopped it. We put a lock on my door, he picked the lock. Put a lock on my dresser drawers, he found a bolt cutter and broke it. I put them in a lockbox and then a safe, but he would take them from the wash if I wasn’t sitting directly in front of the washer and dryer and taking it straight to my room to the safe. My parents tried grounding him, taking things away, taking him to therapy, and nothing ever stopped him. I would be very wary and keep an eye on everything, even if it means heavy duty locks on things. It’ll be an inconvenience.
So I ended up doing the conversation myself but chose to do it with all three kids present to make it less specific (13 11 and 10). And just said I’ve been noticing underwear and things missing from my room and that it’s inappropriate, they’re at the age where they’ll start feeling all sorts of wild feelings and that’s okay. But that stealing my things is not. And if they want underwear and bras I’d buy them I don’t care, just don’t take mine. And that if someone would like to fess up to pull me aside later.
Unmmmm
I’m just going to say, because apparently no one that commented has a clue, it’s very easy for a neurodivergent, hormone-surging boy to completely disassociate you from your sexy underwear. It almost certainly has absolutely nothing to do with you. No idea why people are jumping to that conclusion. You are personally involved here only insofar as you bought the items and your belongings are accessible.
You’re right to notice that it’s quite common for teens to explore sexuality, often inappropriately. Sometimes that means making out with a friend in a car, sometimes it means stealing an older sister’s clothes… Sometimes this manifests in much worse ways, but this seems relatively mild in severity. Though certainly still serious.
I’m not condoning what’s happening here by any stretch. It’s absolutely appropriate to set boundaries and guide your kid toward more productive outlets. Rather, I’m empathizing for you. I’m just saying this jump to ‘your son has a freaky mommy fetish, no one has ever done this before, he’s deeply disturbed and disgusting’ is not a helpful or educated narrative. It’s really not that weird or surprising. Young men have been stealing panties for at least many decades if not many centuries.
So the switch ended up being in his backpack and isn’t his along with other stolen items that were in my closet. I don’t know if this is adhd specific but there’s something wrong and he was silent about the underwear when I brought up the other stolen items. I am super pissed and don’t know what to do except put a lock on my door
Updateme