Hi all! Just to make it clear: I don’t think I’m a controlling parent. I trusted my son 100% but then some stuff happened, and it made me realize I have to check his phone activity every once in a while. I don’t tell him I check it because I don’t want him to feel like I don’t trust him. One of the reasons is that some concerning situations occurred when he was with his dad. His dad is a diagnosed narcissist. Recently my son has downloaded an applock to keep his messages private. I have reasons to assume he’s hiding something or he’s being manipulated. How do I tell my son he can’t use an applock without telling him that I check his messages every once in a while to protect him? Can somebody please advice me? I don’t want to damage our bond cause it’s important that he keeps trusting me. He just turned 10 years old. Thanks in advance!
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10 year olds don’t get to lock you out of the phone….ever. if you pay for it, you get to check it. He shouldn’t even have the illusion of privacy at this age.
I was thinking about a response throughout reading the post until the very end when I saw he’s only TEN??? No way that kid should have a passcode on his phone at all. Especially especially if it’s a phone that accesses the internet. I don’t think 10yr olds need a cell phone at all – get that kid a Gabb phone or watch instead. You shouldn’t be worried about “breaking his trust by looking through his phone” for a ten year old kid! You have WAY MORE TO BE WORRIED ABOUT having the dangers of the world be accessible to him through a device in his pocket. He’s not even a late teenager almost adult, you don’t need to “slowly grant more and more privacy” to teach them accountability and tech safety, etc – he’s 10! What 4th or 5th grader?? Definitely shouldn’t be treating him like an adult. Everything he’s doing, watching, taking pictures of, saying, etc on what phone is legally your liability – if he sends or receives a picture he spent on that phone you could go to prison for child corn. Technology is a SERIOUS responsibility, one that a little 10yr old should not be expected to understand. You’re the adult and you’re the parent – he should definitely not have that phone or have a very very basic kids phone if really needed.
Just be honest with your son and let him know the dangers of the internet and why you do need to be able to go through his phone once in a while.