Obvious emotional distress aside, it’s nice to have something to say to friends and family instead of ‘how are you’. Eventually you get there but, I think the underlying gratitude softens the task of finding a word for your feeling during grief.
Obvious emotional distress aside, it’s nice to have something to say to friends and family instead of ‘how are you’. Eventually you get there but, I think the underlying gratitude softens the task of finding a word for your feeling during grief.
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Usually it goes, “I’m sorry for your loss.” But this is a good alternative to those other guests in your ring of involvement.
Ah man, this is actually great. I’m a people person but when the mood is not high, I tend to flounder a little bit. Thanks!
Given that I’m going to one in a few days, thanks
“I’m so glad you’re here. [Mutual friend/family member] would be so pleased.”
Something like that. Basically, just a polite way to say: “I’m glad to have your companionship while we honor the person that used to be this corpse.”
“Good to see you” carries too much awkwardness. It’s very frequently followed by: “…I mean, I wish the circumstances were different, but….”
At my uncle’s memorial, I froze when his widow approached—until she whispered ‘Your hands look just like his when they hold coffee.’ That ‘it’s good to see you’ moment became our lifeline.
Thanks for coming
I’ve been to a lot of funerals. Honestly the most loving greetings I see are wordless hugs.
I’m glad you’re here, I wish it was under better circumstances.
Thanks for sharing.
I also appreciate relating a shared memory or commonality in grief.
“Brock loved the heavy rain like this, didn’t he?”
“She’d have hated this attention but I’m glad we’re here to remember her together “
“Dan sure loved you.”
“I’m sorry for your loss too” (said to someone close but not as close as others to the deceased who may have felt overlooked in their grief)
Know that the closest family/friends will NEVER forget their loss. Don’t ever be afraid to speak their names now or in the future*. They need the reassurance you didn’t forget them either.
*Some tribes/cultures don’t say their loved ones name for a year.
I’m sorry for your loss, move on.
Supplementary: Please don’t say it to whoever died
“So… we’re all just dying to be here, huh?”
“Take my wife, please. Try the veal…”
Interestingly, In Judaism, the best thing to say to a mourner is to say nothing, and let them start the convo if they wish. Its a case of one’s presence alone is enough.
Just say “Im sorry for your loss” and move on
This is good advice, thank you.
I also use “nice to see you” instead of “nice to meet you.” I’m in a job where I meet a TON of people, and this eliminates that awkward moment where you think you’re meeting someone for the first time, only for them to say, “oh, we’ve met before.”
‘How are you’ is a terrible greeting in the first place (especially when you’re just passing by on your way somewhere), because the socially acceptable response is ‘good, and you’. If someone isn’t actually feeling good, it can be painful to have to lie. And you do have to lie because when you don’t the person who asked gets very uncomfortable.
LPT: Only use ‘how are you’ as a greeting if you genuinely care to know how they are doing, regardless of whether the answer is good or bad.
When I had to go back to my home country when my dad died, multiple people said ‘im happy to see you, but I’m sad this is why’. Felt quite comforting.
Ugh!! I hate “how are you”. Not great. Thanks for reminding me and also setting the vibe lower than a moment ago. I often just reply with “how are you” right back without answering. It’s equivalent to “hey” nowadays. Hate it.
I always reply – it’s better to be seen than viewed – always!