30F here. I’ve always struggled with mental health – I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 12. Panic disorder, PTSD, general anxiety. I am on medication and I am in therapy. However, the last month I’ve been feeling depression creeping up on me and it hit me today that I need to do something about it because I truly feel awful.
There isn’t one event that’s triggered this, I’m just unhappy with myself – I have a very very negative self talk and I think that’s contributing. I genuinely dislike myself. Physically and emotionally. It hurts to feel this way about myself but it’s true. I bully myself but I can’t stop.
I have a therapy appointment coming up next week and I will share this – but I feel like I need an action plan. Maybe I need to contact my doctor to review my medication because it feels like it’s stopped working (that’s how depressed I feel).
How did you pull yourself out of a depression? How can I even start to be neutral about myself? Lately being me feels like hanging out with the most insufferable person.
I feel hopeless and messed up in the brain.
Comments
Therapy, exercising, journaling
You identified that your self talk is very negative and you bully yourself. Start by challenging that negative self talk and saying one positive thing about yourself or one thing you accomplished today after every negative thought. Journaling helps when I’m in a particularly bad mood I just write it all out. I’ve been forcing myself to go for 30 minute walks and movement does help.
I have many similar mental health issues (OCD, panic attacks, anxiety, depression). Hugs. It sucks, not to sugar coat it. I always remind myself these waves are temporary and I won’t always feel like this, just how we wont always feel any one emotion, even happy ones. I’ve worked with my therapist to come up with an “opposite action” plan to where I do actions that are essentially the opposite of what I want to do (aka curl up in my bed) and just wade through them until I’m through the depression or anxiety wave. It’s not fun and sometimes I feel like a corpse following the plan but I’ve made it to the other side 100% of the time. Maybe start small, do you have a pet you can walk? Or can you go out for a walk? I also find it helpful to listen to audio books or have a comfort show on, it helps me distract from my ocd mental loop. I also have easy meals to wade through with like protein shakes, granola bars, cut fruit. One of the main ways I eventually shake it off is socializing with people I care about and being out in the world, it help gets me out of my head and provide perspective. It’s my least favorite thing to do when I’m feeling this way and even while I’m participating I don’t always feel great, but it does contribute to helping me get out of the depression sooner (but not instantly).
I’m just rambling a bit but hang in there, you will feel better, and be gentle with yourself while pushing yourself to do things that are “good for you” even if you’re not all in it.
One little step at a time. Lots of things will help you but just get one thing done at a time. Going to therapy is number one. Keep making and going to appointments. When you are ready move on to your next thing (exercise? Journaling? Eating healthier?). You will get there, be kind to yourself and remember you can’t do all the things at the same time when you’re just starting to dig yourself out of the hole.
Positive self talk. Imagine your best friend. Whatever you tell her, tell yourself.
Vitamin D. Folic acid. Sleep. Daily walk. Sunshine. Seeing friends when I can.
You are perfectly you. You’re not hopeless. You’re not messed up. You’re you. You’re the youest you there is. And you can achieve everything.
It sounds like you already have a couple high priority action plan items: working on negative self-talk and negative self-image, bullying yourself, reassessing your medication dosage to see if it’s contributing.
And you already have a therapy appointment to help organize your action plan more. 🙂 You’re already doing so much to put the work in, and depression makes every to-do check ten times harder. So you deserve to feel proud of yourself!
I’m a big fan of externalizing your reactions to negative self talk. Say, out loud, what you would say to a dear friend if they said what you’re thinking about yourself. Don’t try to ignore or push away that voice, but respond to it in a loving but corrective manner. Obv doesn’t work for everyone but does work for me.
There’s a lot of other suggestions that might help, but your therapist will know that better and help keep you from trying to overdo it and overwhelm yourself based on where you’re at now.
You might not be feeling great, but you’re doing great!
Now that the weather is a bit nicer, I’ve decided to start running again. And this time I’m actually doing it. I’ve been 5 times in the last 2 weeks. Usually I’d go once and then stop until I try to get myself to go again.
This is gonna sound a bit silly, but I was watching a sports anime and it really motivated me seeing these kids work for their dreams lol. Maybe you should watch Haikyuu 😆
Stopped smoking weed, took a massive risk, changed career completely and opened a business. Actually got off my arse and did something I enjoyed
Specifically on the negative self talk, it was telling the voice in my head to stfu. Literally. Like, “stfu we’re not going to talk like that” every time it would start. I had to be very aggressive and combative with the negative voice. I won’t say my self esteem is god level or anything now, but I actually don’t deal specifically with the knee jerk inner insults and coherently rude self talk much anymore.
Also, recognizing where that negative self talk came from in the first place, and being inquisitive about my own thought patterns. Why does doing/being [x] mean I’m [y]? Where did that idea come from? Do I really agree that [x] means [y]? If not, then why am I saying that? Did someone else give me that thought or is it my own? What do I actually think instead?
In other words, lots and lots of journalling lol.
For some reason when I first commented the full post didn’t show so I didn’t see it . I just read it .
I felt exactly like you. For years.
It becomes an addiction, you become addicted to to the negativity views about urself.
Firstly you need to change ur environment, u need to get a job or something whrre ur surrounded by lots of people .
U have become attached to this style of thinking . I was stuck in this for years until I changed ur myself .
No doctor no shrink no medicine nothing helped me but me .
Good luck . Message me dm if you need any support I’m always here
I do the opposite of what my brain tells me. Feel like isolating? Call and hang out w a friend. Feel like slumming on the couch and never moving? Go outside, let the sun hit my skin, go for a drive, feel the breeze. Feel like being a whole ass stinky slob? Light a candle and take a hot ass bath w essential oils. Feel like I’m completely useless at my job? Try 10 times harder to connect w my clients. Feel like crying? Fine, but after I’m eating a nice fucking meal lol
I hit a depression wall this week and then couldn’t get out of bed for three days—I thought about asking a similar question on here earlier today. So I feel you.
It sounds like you already have a good plan in mind. Which is great. One step at a time. Sometimes we gotta congratulate just the little things we’re doing. Like I actually put on clothes today and washed the mountain of dirty dishes in my kitchen—which might seem small but it was a big feat for me this week. Depression makes it feel like I’m wearing cinder blocks all over—everything is challenging. So if you can, give yourself a little bit of grace. You’re not going to solve this all at once. But you’re headed in the right direction.
Also allow yourself to do comfort things—I’ve been playing games on my phone, made a couple of comfort purchases. I’m truly trying to take as much as I can off my lap for now until I can work through this depression.
Ok I have to say I don’t think I’ve ever been truly depressed so take this with a grain of salt.. I do feel like I get seasonal depression and working out+daily socializing works wonder. I also stopped drinking alcohol in my mid 20s and felt amazing after. Probably part of the reason I don’t think I’ve ever experienced depression.
I have no advice but I’m in the exact same boat. Almost identical. Just know you are not alone and I hope you can pull out of it.
Medication/nutrition/exercise
Go talk to your doctor that prescribed your meds asap.
Hey 👋 I also have been diagnosed with OCD and am around your age. Honestly there are always going to be waves and flareups but I’ve found that a stable routine helps me as does medication of course. Although around my menstrual cycle it feels like all the symptoms of my depression and OCD like to flex on me and really make themselves known.
I struggle a lot too though, especially when there are external stressors in my life which there currently are.
I’m a very task oriented person though and I find having homework or things I can physically do to tackle the problem are beneficial for me as well. I’m always asking for explanations from my psychiatrist and what to look out for.
Feel free to ask any questions or DM me if you wanna chat.
Sorry this was so vague. I’m actually just getting ready to walk my dog but I wanted to comment and let you know you’re not alone.
I read When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron and it completely changed my outlook on life.
I was in a similar position to you, depressed since childhood and when I hit 30 I had a mental breakdown and wanted to snuff it. I called up mental health services and they assessed me and put me on the waiting list. The advice the assessor gave me at the end of the phone call was so simple but it actually helped me. She told me to try to do things I enjoy while I waited for therapy. At first I was like wtf I don’t enjoy shit, everything sucks. I had to think back on what I enjoyed in the past and I got the ball rolling from there. Doing things, instead of doomscrolling and indulging in negative thoughts, helped me put aside a lot of the suicidal and negative thoughts and I did start to feel small amounts of joy again. Once I had that clearer headspace and going to therapy, I then started working on understanding where the negative thoughts stem from and challenging them.
I moved to the other side of the country to get away from my shitty, abusive parents. It actually worked very well.
Ive struggled with depression forever, and around 2 years ago things got really bad.
Things that made it better
My partner is struggling with depression at the moment and I’ve been doing a fair bit of research to understand her and try and be a better partner to her myself. I’m still trying to get my head around this, but I’ve just found out recently there is talk therapy and then there is cognitive behaviour therapy which focuses on rewiring thought processes. Maybe you can ask your therapist about CBT?
SELF-COMPASSION. A game changer. I struggle with the same thing. Self compassion has been my biggest assist, and once you learn this your life gets better. You not only stop judging yourself, you stop judging everyone and everything around you.
That’s great advice, thank you. I’m also feeling like “everything sucks” these days so I can relate to that. Doomscrolling is also something I’m doing a lot more of lately – interesting how I never feel good after!
I’ve found solace in acceptance about everything in life whether good or bad. It takes the charge out of it and makes things feel a bit lighter. I hope that doesn’t sound too esoteric. Like for example telling myself that I’m in a season of isolation right now instead of berating myself for not having a rich social life. Hope that helps a smidge. ❤️ P.S. — You’re not insufferable, you care a lot and are going through a lot in the brain and heart.
Depression doesn’t magically go away forever. I had episodes of depression for years. It’s alot better now but once in a while I still feel it. The main thing is to not be hard on yourself. You’re not alone. Do something that makes you feel happy, distract yourself, talk to a friend or someone you trust.
I hit a seriously low patch this week. I increased my dose of medication to stop myself crying and spiralling. I will now go to therapy again and also make myself go on some walks and trips out the house. Moving my body helps. For me meds are the necessary sticking plaster because I don’t have anyone to pick me up and pat me on the head.
I notice when depressed I really get hard on myself. I think stuff like ‘Well who’s gonna like me if I’m so tearful and such a miserable downer? And I can’t stop being tearful and miserable, so anyway definitely no one will like me.’ The low self esteem and self hate is such a trap.
It helps me to perceive that the negativity is a symptom of my depression and when I’m not depressed, I actually don’t feel so bad about myself. It’s largely like the pain from an injury, a consequence. I’ll still need to talk it out with the therapist though as these feelings have their roots somewhere real.