So my bf age 26 and me age 27 have been together for a while. He has a female friend he used to like a long time ago. Let’s call her Sarah. They never dated. She wasn’t interested.
I hadn’t seen my bf in a few weeks. He lives with his parents and our work schedules just didn’t align.
I realized I finish work at 5 pm (I do shift work ) and he was home that day. So I told him I’d drive over to go see him and he said ok. He said we could go to the gym and then watch a movie.
So I brought my gym bag, sleepover stuff and left work and drove over. When I got there he told me that he forgot Sarah had invited him out for dinner and ice cream and he’d be leaving to go see her. I was left with his mom until 11 pm at night. I had to go to bed cause I work the next morning…I woke up at 6 am and left. I didn’t see him.
He doesn’t really see an issue with this he’s like “oh I can’t just cancel last minute” and I want him to see his friends and stuff but something feels off. I haven’t really vocalized it yet I’m trying to determine first if I’m overreacting.
Comments
You’re not wrong. You’re not a priority either. Time rethink if this is the relationship you want. I’d have a conversation with him and tell him how you feel and if he doesn’t apologize or see anything wrong with how you were treated in this scenario, you have your answer.
Ummm yes he can cancel the last minute for his gf. Absolutely not wrong, what he did to you is fucked.
Also dinner and ice cream? Lmfao babe that’s a date. You think for a SECOND he goes on dinner dates with a walk and ice cream afterwards with dudes one on one? That’s fairly intimate imo. He has 2 girlfriends right infront of you both. SMH.
What? You actually stayed? Girl, get another bf, he doesn’t give a shit about you.
Your boyfriend went on a date while you stayed with his mom. He canceled your time together because he “forgot” he already had made plans. Pretty sure you are “the friend” not the girlfriend. Find a new boyfriend, yours is taken. UpdateMe
Girl, he ditched you to go on a date with someone else and made you stay home with his mom. Mom just made sure you didn’t catch him in the act. This man does not respect or value you based on his actions.
Edit: YNW
You stayed after he left to hang out with someone else. You just told him he can put you on a shelf anytime and you will be there waiting for him whenever. No!
You’re obviously not his priority. Find someone who will put you first. This guy is clueless and you’re better off without him.
please care more about yourself. You can do so much better.
Please chose yourself since he isn’t going to
so he couldnt cancel for his gf he hadnt seen in WEEKS? yea he obviously doesnt care and you should wonder why you do
If they’re just friends why didn’t he bring you along?
He can’t cancel last minute with her, but he can with you? Nope. That’s not ok. He is clearly prioritizing his “friend” over you. You already know that he had feelings for her in the past, so odds are that hasn’t changed over time. If I were you, I would leave. You don’t deserve to be the third wheel in your own relationship.
Sweetie, I say this with love. He is in love with Sarah. You are just that chick he sleeps with. You deserve better, you’re worth more. Move on.
Come on. You are second to some woman he has never dated. You need to let her have him. Let him find another girl to be his option.
Do you have any respect for yourself? Here’s a tip: if a guy has a girl friend who rejected him and they are still friends… that man is undatable bc he wants to smash someone else and is still actively trying to. He needs to sort his shit out before he dates. You are a side chick in the main spot bec the main spot isn’t filled by that other chick. That sounds so harsh but I think you can do way better than that.
Of course he can cancel, he just didn’t
He still wants the other woman and you are a convenient placeholder until she realizes she wants him.
That is what he is hoping for. He has sex with you while he pines away for her.
Dump and run.
Good luck
If he’s a jerk now, he’ll be a jerk tomorrow, and a long time after that. You will be shit on forever because you taught him he could. Not worth it.
He is an alpha 💪💯
“Sarah” is the girl he wants to be with just because she doesn’t want him doesn’t mean that he is over her just like that. You have to realize by now that you are a placeholder because if “Sarah” ever says to him that she wants to see him like that, then he is leaving you without a second thought. By the way he went out with her for about six hours. That’s a date. He’s cheating on you rather it’s emotional or physical, but he still cheating on you move on.
🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ run…
ik reddit likes to jump straight to breaking up but this actually has pretty bad implications. yall gotta have a serious talk
I hope you’ve decided you deserve much better than this guy. He is not going to make you a priority. He’s thoughtless and doesn’t seem to care. Someone who cares about you wouldn’t do that.
UpdateMe
he literally went on a date with another woman
Yeah he is hoping she will change her mind and you are his backup.
If you hadn’t seen him in weeks and he didn’t cancel on HER, he is dating her. That is ridiculous.
You’re the placeholder until or if his friend changes her mind. You will never come first. Move on. He’s not worth your time.
You aren’t wrong. But why did you stay? I would have left. And then stay gone. He clearly prioritizes her over you.
And he didn’t forget. She probably called him AFTER he made plans with you and he chose her.
You’re a placeholder until she wants him.
He lives with his mum. Left you to go out with his (girl)friend. He got a free meal. You’re the dinner, and he wants dessert too.
YNW for getting upset, but YWBW if you keep allowing this man to disrespect you. That’s so embarrassing! He literally left you in his home to go spend time with another female. If he loved you, he would have canceled his plans with her OR invited you to go with them. Why are you putting up with this bs? Please leave him and find someone better who respects you and your time!
He literally canceled on you last minute after telling you that he couldn’t cancel on her last minute. Wtf!
Yea, get a new boyfriend
YNW. Be kinder to yourself and let him know that unless you’re a priority, you are gone.
Just inviting you to come along too would have been such a simple solution here.
>He’s like “oh I can’t just cancel last minute”
And then he stands you up.
What he did is much ruder than canceling last minute, but at least you know where you stand. He is still chasing that woman. He’s never stopped wishing he could be with her.
That’s a hard nope for me. Not wrong. Reevaluate the relationship.
Dump him
he didn’t come home all night? even if he came home at 11.
NO. You should have been invited along! wtf
Updateme
When they show you who they are, believe them the first time.
What an absolutely selfish, rude, disrespectful d***!!
And I don’t give a damn if their friends and she doesn’t like him. He DOES/”did” ..girl…he ditched you for another girl who he has a crush on.
She was more of a priority than you. He’d rather let YOU down, than her.
Edit: just realized…he was going out to eat. With another gidl.. a “friend” and DIDNT F*****G INVITE YOU??!?
And not know only did you let it go. You stayed. With his mom. While your boyfriend was on a DATE
So he could have told either you or her he double booked. He choose to her over you. I wouldnt be in this relationship. You made an effort to go to him while he made an effort to go to her.
There’s no way he’d still be my boyfriend. What he did was rude and inconsiderate. Why could he have not asked yiu to join him? He prioritised her over you and that’s not ok.
He should have been going crazy missing you if you hadn’t seen each other in weeks. That he just left anyway is telling. YNW.
He’s just not that in to you.
Are you sure you’re actually a couple and not just his fuck buddy ?
Do you really want to be with someone who still lives at home ? His mum probably still does his laundry and cooks for him?
Worth looking for a man not a man-child.
He’s not your boyfriend. You’re wasting your time. You haven’t seen each other in weeks but he blew you off to hang out with his friend. You are the placeholder until Sarah decides to date your boyfriend.
You are not wrong. What he did was f*d up. Have some respect for yourself. Your significant other needs to prioritize you over any other person. Especially not another girl. You need to dump him. He obviously has shown that he doesn’t care about you and your time and feelings even after you expressed how you felt. He tried to gaslight you into thinking it’s not a big deal. No girl. NO. LEAVE AND DON’T waste a single minute more on him.
No, he didn’t come home at night. He went on a date with her. He invited you over, that takes over anything else he planned. If he prioritizes her over you, then she is the primary person in his life, and you are the side chick. There is no way my girlfriend would be okay with me coming home from hanging out with friends after 6am. No. WAY. People make time for what they truly want to do, and he chose them. Telling you to come over and have explicit plans, then to leave you at his house and go out with another woman, would not end well for him. It just wouldn’t. If he can’t see how messed up that was, then he needs an attitude adjustment or asking him how would he feel if you did what he did to you. How would that had gone over. Either way, he made you go out of your way and ditched you. Moving on, I would do. Updateme.
Dump him now, no excuses from him. You’re not his B priority and he disrespected you so badly. I wouldn’t have stayed over how embarrassing for you to do that.
Dump him.
He is using you as a placeholder for when he can’t find something better to do.
Dump Him.
Move on.
Do not look back.
Did he come home?
And why couldn’t YOU go to dinner and ice cream with him and his “friend”? Dump him.
Dump Him, he’s puts no effort and ditches you for her. He’s trash.
Let me get this straight, you hadn’t seen each other in weeks and it was too much of an inconvenience for him to cancel his plans with his platonic female friend? Umm…sweetie…bless your heart…if that boy wasn’t getting laid he’d of cancelled his plans with Sarah in a nanosecond so that he could spend the night ravaging you and making up for lost time! Most red blooded 26yr old men who haven’t seen their girlfriend in a hot minute make it a personal challenge to make it hard for their girl to walk the next day!
You need to declare Sarah the winner in this match and find yourself a new man.
At the least you should’ve come with.
I would never accept this Behavior
You haven’t seen him in a few weeks. That’s an issue. You both did have time off at the same time, but somehow you didn’t plan anything until the exact moment you were free. Have you not talked to him in weeks, either? Do you two just not try to find time in your schedules for each other?
So he already had plans that he forgot about when agreeing to your spontaneous plans. Then he remembered but didn’t let you know about it until you got to his place. Then he left you with his mom to go out to dinner with another woman who he had made plans with in advance like he doesn’t do with you. He didn’t even invite you to go along. That would have been the compromise.
It doesn’t sound like you have a healthy relationship. It doesn’t sound like you even have a relationship. Do you have low self esteem? Do you live in a small town without many options? If not, then why are you in this facade? Find a better fit. Find someone a little more mature and responsible and considerate. Find someone that you actually communicate with and that you get to see regularly.
Not wrong 😑 but again another guy that has one of these girl friends that supposedly is not a problem, and I’m not interested in her in the least, blah blah, yet somehow is a problem and is ALWAYS in the picture, and he chooses her over you 90% of the time. Yeah not a problem whatsoever 🤦♀️. Dump this guy like most have said, good luck.
I used to date someone who did this to me too.
My advice is don’t stay with someone like him, you’ll never be the priority even when you should be.
He’s too immature to date.
Wasn’t he cancelling on you at the last minute?
You are the placeholder until he is able to date Sarah. Sorry.
UpdateMe!
Dinner and ice cream and he wasn’t home by 11? He should be ex boyfriend.
In the least likely event that there’s nothing going on, his priorities are still out of whack. Most likely, you’ve moved from girlfriend to side piece. Either way, put some space in your case.
No, you’re not wrong at all. When he realized his mistake, he should have invited you to go along or told Sarah he would have to cancel. The fact that he didn’t neither would be quite concerning to me and I’d second guess my relationship with him.
He had to choose between upsetting her, or upsetting you. He chose to spare her feelings.
He figures since you are his girlfriend he no longer has to make an effort to keep you. You will just forgive him for whatever rude or inconsiderate thing he does.
I recommend showing him just how wrong he is about that.
Ask how his date was and ask when the affair started. Tell him if he says it was neither of those ask why you weren’t invited after he told you to come over? Why couldn’t he ditch the girl he isn’t dating?
Let him know since he has a problem telling the truth you will confront her and that his friendship with her is over.
It would be different if he told OP beforehand like hey, I can hang out with you from X to X however I have plans tomorrow with X at X Just letting you know. The whole “I forgot” things doesn’t sit right with me.
You are the side piece. Why do women put up with crappy men like this? Go find a new guy who will treat you with kindness and respect.
He totally went on a date with her. The joke’s on him because as soon as you break up with him (and you totally should), she’ll no longer be interested. She’s just giving him attention because she saw that he had somebody else and now she wants him back in her egocentric orbit.
Tell him to lose your number.
Why weren’t you invited to join?
My answer would have been cool, let’s go!
If the answer was no, the relationship would be over.
Dear Doormat,
You stayed after he left and waited around with his mommy for 6 hours? You’re not a girlfriend. You’re a fleshlight.
Why didn’t he invite you to join them?
I understand he double booked, but the right thing to do would have been to include you.
This would be enough for me to leave the relationship. You deserve someone who is going to take your feelings into consideration. Someone who shows you respect. That’s not this guy.
duh. He ain’t your BF. He is an AH. Find a real BF
His girlfriend likes his attention, and likes that he chooses her over you, but she is not interested in him, and will never be his girlfriend, just a “pick me” friend.
Leave him, that’s my advice. He has had feelings for this Sarah before and seems to still have them, don’t be his backup, break up and move on, he is not worth your broken heart.
Guys are not friends with girls unless they want to be with them