My (16f) dad got married to his wife “Mandy” 3 years ago. Mandy has a daughter “Kelly” (17). I live with my dad most of the time because I go to school near his house but I do stay with my mom on weekends and breaks. Kelly used to live in my dad’s house full time as her dad didn’t have custody due to his issues.
To cut straight to the point, 7 months ago Kelly attacked me. Slapping, hair pulling, scratching, she had to be pulled off of me. After that, my dad said Kelly couldn’t come back in the house until I’ve forgiven her. And I figured, never going to happen because she was a nightmare to live with even before the big incident.
I always assumed Kelly had gone to stay with Mandy’s family but it turns out she was sent to one of those “reform wilderness programmes” out of state. I know because she wrote me a letter “apologising” for the attack on stationery from the programme. The letter was insincere – just talking about how bad she feels about how she reacted (as if this attack was somehow provoked which it wasn’t), and how much she hates herself for what she did, but nothing about the years of horrible behaviour before all that or really any hint that she actually has changed, just the same emotional manipulation that she always used to use on her mom. When my dad gave me the letter he asked if I’d consider her coming back and I said no. Because I don’t think anything will be different.
Mandy and my dad are fighting about it now. I feel bad that me saying I don’t want her to come back is keeping her in that programme because I know how some of them are barbaric. But at the same time I don’t feel safe or happy living with her. I feel like if Mandy was looking out for her daughter she’d move out and Kelly would live with her but clearly she’s not doing that so it’s on me to live with someone who assaulted me, or keep her in the desert doing god knows what. At the moment I’m sticking to my guns and my dad hasn’t questioned it but am I being unfair?
Comments
Your stepsister went from ‘Mean Girl’ to ‘Survivor: Wilderness Edition’—that’s quite the plot twist! But hey, self-defense is a valid reason for saying ‘no’ to a reunion. You’re not being unfair; you’re just prioritizing your sanity!
Be thankful that dad is on your side here. Honestly, he’s probably feeling guilty that he let his d get in the way of a safe and comfortable home for his kid. Don’t relent, and if you go away to college, keep your valuables and anything meaningful at mom’s, because they’ll move her back in and she’ll never leave.
NTA. There are other choices here, it is not a choice between you being abused or her being abused. The most obvious choice is that the adults involved both act like parents and live separately to support their own child for what 2 years.
This isn’t about forgiveness it’s about safety.
You’re absolutely NTA. Kelly physically assaulted you, and her subsequent apology was not remorseful. You have every right to feel unsafe and refuse to live with her again. Prioritize your safety and well-being , and don’t let anyone guilt you into accepting a situation that makes you feel threatened.
NTA
This is on you op, your dad is right to keep Kell out of the house she is a danger to you, and Mandy’s solution isn’t your fault.
Kelly did a lot of things to get to the point that her mom felt that a ‘reform wilderness program’ was the answer, and you’re responsible for no part of it.
If Mandy feels that strongly about her daughter leaving that place then she needs to find her alternative housing and therapy so maybe some real change can start to happen, but again not your problem op.
NTA keep the letter and tell them if the allow her to come back it will be the end of your relationship with your dad and you will make a forms police report using the letter as evidence.
It sounds like this is the first time your dad has stood up for you… he should have been considering your feelings and how you were being treated all along.
I hope he continues to respect your No.
Have a private conversation with your father. First, thank him for having her back and protecting you. Second have him read the letter and ask for his opinion and then tell him how you interpreted it. Lastly I suggest you talk to both your dad and your stepmom together and say something like I understand that you want your daughter back and you’re sorry that she is away from her, but you do not feel safe and reiterate to her what you and your father talked about the letter
So, two grown adults put the burden on a 16 year old to decide if a violent person can move back in. Great parenting all around. Do what you need to do to stay safe.
If it’s any consolation, there is a certain “sincerity” in that letter due to the fact that those programs basically use mental abuse tactics that would make the North Koreans take note. She’s doing hard, hard time.
NTA.
Where is stepsister’s dad? Could she live with him?
NTA. Should Mandy be subjecting her daughter to what is probably a horribly abusive “correctional” camp? No. But you are not obligated to make yourself feel unsafe in your own home for the sake of someone who so violently dislikes you. Why was there no other option between you guys living together and her going to this camp? Honestly, your dad and his wife probably need to live separately for a while so that Mandy can get her daughter some REAL therapy to first undo all the bs from the camp and also help her deal with whatever issue she has with you.
NTA. Were charges ever filed? Talk to your mom about getting a restraining order and/or changing custody in case Mandy brings Kelly back anyway. Does your dad plan on staying married to Mandy?
Let Mandy suffer. She deserves it.