Long story short. I’m in my feelings due to my mother always being trash and knowing I was being abused my whole childhood and doing nothing.
And my father had abused alcohol my whole life. He recently had a big event and he wasn’t supposed to be drinking and then lo and behold he was. So I left.
All everyone is talking about is me leaving. It’s decades now of always comments of my reactions. Why is there never a question of my dad doing better.
Why. I just want a parent. I just want one parent or person. I wish I could tell people the memories I have of my dad and where his drinking has led.
I just wish I had a parent of some sort.
Comments
REMINDER: Rules regarding civility and respect are enforced on this subreddit. Hurtful, cruel, rude, disrespectful, or “trolling” comments will be removed (along with any replies to these comments) and the offending party may be banned, at the mods’ discretion, without warning. All commenters should be trying to help and any help should be given in good faith, as if you were the OP’s parent. Also, please keep in mind that requesting or offering private contact (DM, PM, etc) is absolutely not allowed for any reason at all, no exceptions.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
U don’t deserve it sometimes it’s just the cards you get dealt
I feel you. My mom was an alcoholic teen and single parent when I was born. My dad was absent. My mom loved to party. I was a big drag in that, and she resented me.. It sucked. Idk what it’s like to have a parent who gives a crap except to criticize for what they think it’s a good cause (making me a “better” person.)
However I’ve had several wonderful mentors in my life. I have amazing in laws, and I’m so thankful they were excellent role models for parenting my husband as an adult–good for me to witness as my oldest was reaching adulthood. I’ve had a lot of good friends. Some I feel as though they are the siblings I wish I had, and sometimes it’s the parents I never had.
You deserve better than the parents you were born to. There isn’t really any way to fix it. But I hope in the future you will be as blessed as I have been in finding a solid family outside my blood. The love and support helps heal some wounds.
You do deserve good parents. You deserve to be loved and cared for, taught, and protected.
I’m sorry that you’re going through this. You deserve better.
Sometimes we don’t get what we deserve.
I wish you did too. And you deserve it. All children do. But like you, many of them don’t get them. But that doesn’t make you a bad person at all. Try and find positive role models in your school or community. Read books on self-help, generational trauma, and related tonics to get perspective. They are not you. And you can do better.
The family members that are focused on you leaving are the same ones who want to ignore the dysfunction in your family and take it out on a child instead which is also part of that generational trauma. And not fair. But by you responding differently, it threatens their coping strategies, which is ignoring the true problem, which is your father’s alcoholism – so many families do this cause it’s too hard to face the truth. But, again, that’s not on you.
You have every right to be mad, sad, disappointed, and even sometimes jealous of other people you know who have wonderful parents – it isn’t fair. But try to ship your focus on yourself and surrounding yourself with more positive people where you can find them even if it’s here online (just be safe) because they are out there.
Both of my parents were sober. Also mean and each abused all us kids in their own special ways. We just deal with the lousy hand of cards we’re dealt. A good therapist is a wonderful asset.
It’s not that you don’t deserve good parents, it’s that they don’t know how to be good parents. Some people (including my own parents) shouldn’t have kids.
My sister and I have had this talk, that we had adults that did the bear minimum, but we never actually felt like we had parents because they never gave us love and always made us feel like a burden. There was also abuse that was totally overlooked and just no one was ever looking out for us. It really sucks and it messes with your self esteem really bad.
Just try to remember it isn’t you, it’s them. You are loveable, they are just incapable. My therapist had me read Adult Children of Emotional Immature Parents. It was enlightening. I know I can’t count on my parents. I have a couple close friends and I have my sister and they have me.
You deserve good parents, but sadly we don’t always get what we deserve.
The problem isn’t you, it’s your parents, no matter what other people say.
You didn’t deserve it. Luck of the draw. Some of us are dealt a bad hand. Just do the best you can
So sorry, kiddo. My dad was an alcoholic and he and my mom were very wrapped up in their own dramas. It’s a terrible thing to do to your kids. Sending you a virtual hug.
Some people deserve to have great children and yet, the world doesn’t always work that way. My parents were ok and his parents were ok, we took great care of ourselves, but our children have special needs. Sometimes things don’t work out well. It sucks.
It’s not that you don’t deserve good parents. Sometimes our biological parents are not good and you will find other parents that are good to you. It’s not the traditional path that most people want. I get that. I suggest looking into your astrological birth chart because some of those things can be explained by the stars. It doesn’t make it right but it may help you understand why things are happening.
You are doing a good job. Sometimes our parents don’t see how much we put up with them. Your family seems to make you the scapegoat probably because you speak out against the father drinking and other poor choices of theirs. Your parents probably have been hurt in their life that have caused their poor choices as well.
Focus on your healing. I’m not sure of your age but if you can separate physically and emotionally from them you may need to do so until you are more healed.
Are you an adult or minor? Even if you are a young adult, we all crave, deserve, and need reliable and loving parents. I am sorry you are going through this.
You do deserve a good parent. And your memories and truth should be spoken about it. Speak about it to whoever you want. Scream it , shout it , tell strangers. Healing sometimes only starts once you start talking about it.
Sending hugs
With parents it’s never about “deserve”. You get what you get.
Some people are unfairly given a shitty hand. And it sucks. The good news is you are not limited to the parents you were born with. As you get into adulthood you can create your own sense of family through friends, mentors, etc. Your family by choice, not by birth. You may find an sig other who has great parents who can treat you as one of their own too. Or parents of a best friend. It won’t be quite the same but it can help fill that gap of wishing you had someone from the generation above you to guide and support you.