On the surface, this text convo I had with a friend earlier today feels normal, but I think it’s a bit deceitful and uncool. Curious what others think.
Normal guys, when they want to hang out with you, will text you with a greeting and an invitation:
e.g. Yo, we’re having a fire at my place tonight, swing by if you’re around.
Great. I know what the offer is and I can answer based on if I want to be part of that occasion or not.
Here is the convo I had with this friend:
Him: Hey wyd tonight
Me: (not wanting to volunteer that I have no plans yet) Yo, what you got going on
Him: oh I’ll be in your area at like 5pm, 6pm or 7pm-ish just looking to burn some time before I head home
At that point, I just made up plans because I don’t want to be held captive at my house waiting for him to be available some time around dinner (like a UPS delivery window that requires a signature) and then be tasked with finding some way to entertain you for a couple hours.
I know this friend well, and if he had enticing plans, he would’ve led with the plans. I knew it wasn’t enticing because he led with “wyd tonight.” Like he’s setting a trap for me to fall into.
Feels a little crappy, but maybe I’m overreacting?
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I wouldn’t call those people friends.. more of “acquaintances”
Friends don’t rock like that. Friends takes initiatives to invite each others to do things all the time. They don’t hide it from each other.
Don’t take this the wrong way, but I feel like you’re too old to be overthinking this to this extent. You can tell by your vibe with the person if they’re genuinely interested in spending time with you or not, and if they are genuine in their interest, who cares how they invite you lol
Thats a normal question to ask if you just need to burn some time before you are doing something else.
I see nothing more than a friends asking if you are availible to hang a few hours.
What i gather from what you are writing is that you don’t enjoy your friends company for just their company. It has to be something special happening, not just two people being in eachothers company.
So yeah, you are overreacting to a normal question.
This seems perfectly normal to me, I would be happy if a friend wanted to drop by and chill to kill some time
Thats how my friends are though, impromptu do-nothing hang outs happen all the time.
No, but I’m old…. We don’t just hang out anymore. We make plans a week or more in advance.
Although having just said that I realize that I spent yesterday with a friend doing stuff that was planned no more than 48 hours in advance. Very odd… It was kind of an informal job interview for him that I got invited to.
Yeah, I feel like they are trying to make you available as a kinda back up social net. I often reply “we could get a beer at the bar, text me when you get there” because way too often I go to meet them and they show up on my 3rd beer about to go home”.
You’re completely overthinking and trying to make a logic problem when there isn’t one.
Friendships are a two way street and if there’s a click you would feel it.
As you’re writing this post you presumably don’t feel the click and seem to be analysing a perfectly normal question.
I am with you in a sense, if I don’t ‘feel it’ with someone (whether male, female, platonic or romantic) I just don’t bother as I don’t see the point in being a tag along or someones time filler. However I would just know if this was the case.
Takes two to Tango 😄👍