You know the phrase where you can put lipstick on a pig, but it will still be a pig. Yeah, that’s me. I’m (F24) not particularly horribly ugly but noticeably ugly. Being ugly has held back from so many things in life. I’ve never been called pretty or attractive and when I look in the mirror and see how others react to me, I know I’m ugly. I’m also a lesbian, so I’m kinda butch, I don’t wear much makeup or change my look, I don’t see any point because my face is not attractive at all so it won’t help much. I don’t attract many women and the women I have approached; all so far kindly let me down. I feel like it also hinders my confidence in public settings, I’m not that great at communicating, especially with attractive women. I’ve gotten a remote job in admin, so I don’t have to talk to people face to face. I wish I was more conventionally attractive sometimes, maybe I would have more confidence and would go out more.
Comments
Hey, I read your post. I won’t pretend to know you, but I do know what it’s like to feel like the outside disqualifies the inside. You’re not alone in that. The world has a dumb, narrow view of what counts as attractive—and it’s wrong way more often than it’s right. You don’t need to change your face to be worth noticing. You already are.
Also, confidence isn’t a prize you earn from looking a certain way. It’s built from realizing you matter even when the mirror won’t admit it. Don’t wait for permission. The world needs more people like you in it. ❤️
The answer is near the middle of this post. The confidence in public settings and communication part. If you learn to communicate and get comfortable with yourself, that will go a very long way in meeting people. New friends and lovers will be available regardless of how you feel about your looks. The intangibles are far more important. Having your you know what together, effective communication and active listening skills, empathy and being pleasant to be around is what draws others in.
Your “homework” should be to go out by yourself and start talking to people. As you gain confidence, watch what happens. I’m a happily married straight dude and the rare times I meet someone pleasant to be around and they have the gift of gab I bring them into my circle of friends quick.
I can feel the same way but that’s why I work on the things I can change. My personality, the clothes I wear, my hair, the things I own. Everything else that makes up who I am. Sometimes the whole “lipstick on a pig” thing does get to me but the truth is that that’s not who I am. I just look out to those who’ll agree with me on that.
Just a few things….
Beauty is subjective. No seriously, it is. There are times when a comment has been made about how good someone looks and I’m thinking no thank you. (The individual had conventional beauty but they just do anything for me. )
Maybe it’s not your looks but a vibe that you give off. Maybe you have an aura of “don’t come near me”. I’m not insinuating you mean to be that way. But maybe you seem unapproachable.
I know you’re going to roll your eyes, but at the end of the day there is only one “you”.
The most attractive things to me are personality and intelligence. It’s not physical appearance.
I agree with the other poster. Talk to people more. See what happens. Consider it a social experiment.