TLDR: Someone in a relationship seemed to really like me. I broke it off because I was worried about boundaries. I’m still stuck on it, months later.
I (30F) met this person (37NB) at work last year. They’re in a committed relationship. I thought they were cute and interesting but I wanted to keep it professional because of the work thing and the relationship. To my surprise, they started going out of their way to spend time with me, giving me a lot of attention, wanting to get closer. When we stopped working together, they wanted to keep in touch. Sometimes, I felt like they were looking for reasons to see me or reach out to me.
This was hard for me to handle. I liked them, and we weren’t doing anything we weren’t supposed to be. But I was nervous about it because of their relationship. At the same time, I couldn’t know what the boundaries were in that relationship, that’s their and their partner’s business.
I started working somewhere new and they started volunteering there. I was a big focus for them while they were volunteering, enough that our supervisor told them off. I had really mixed feelings about this. I liked seeing them, I was happy that I got to see them regularly through this. But I also felt like something was wrong because we clearly wanted to see each other but we weren’t just hanging out like normal people. I also felt a little weird about how they’d just showed up there without asking me. There was a feeling of pressure or not getting choice over it. At the same time, I knew I could ask them for space, and I didn’t.
They started asking me to hang out, like a normal person. I felt like this was an improvement. But, I still worried about it because there was such a vibe. Nothing physical ever happened. Once when they were kind of tipsy, they told me that they had been doubting their own motivations. They made some other jokes that made it seem like they were distressed about our relationship. But in the same breath, they’d talk about seeing me again or send me a flirty text.
Eventually, I met their partner, and she seemed uncomfortable about their relationship with me. It didn’t seem like things were good between the two of them. I felt like I had to get out of this situation. Plus, I had some other stuff going on in my life, and I needed to not worry about this. I still liked talking to them, but I’d started to feel upset with them because they were putting me in a really awkward position.
I texted them that I needed to not see them anymore because I had concerns about our boundaries. They said they support my decision if that’s what I need. We both said some nice stuff, wishing you well, etc.
Since then, many months have passed. We’ve texted a couple of times, and met up once, which was super awkward. I initiated. I don’t know why I’m so stuck on it.
I really did like them as a person. I wish we could have either dated legitimately or had a real friendship. I don’t understand why someone would go to so much effort and be all over me for so long, for no reason. The dynamic was so stressful for me, it boggles my mind that that’s what they wanted.