My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months (talking for 3 before that). We met on Hinge right after I moved states for grad school. Things moved fast, we started dating within two weeks, and everything felt amazing at first. Boundaries were clear, the sex was great, we were constantly going out on dates, and we even started making long-term plans to live together.
We’ve both done therapy for past relationship trauma and tried to avoid falling into codependency, but somewhere along the way we slipped. He’s stopped hanging out with his dorm friends and is at my place every single day. If I want a night alone, it becomes a whole emotional ordeal (with guilt-tripping that has just enough plausible deniability).
I never really made close friends here because I’ve spent all my time with him. Lately, he’s been having severe insecurity spirals, like full-on sobbing breakdowns multiple times in a month. Almost every hangout turns into a serious talk about our relationship, and I’ve emotionally checked out. I’m not happy. We haven’t had sex in months. I recently told him I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of moving in together next year, and he had a complete breakdown.
Now, he’s lined up a summer job assuming we’re living together. But I’ve realized I don’t want to live with him. I want to break up. But I’m terrified of how he’ll react, especially when he thinks we’re moving in together in a couple months.
How do I break up with someone who’s emotionally dependent on me and has already planned to live with me? I feel trapped and exhausted, especially with things like marriage and long term plans constantly being brought up.
TL;DR:
My boyfriend (20M) and I’s (22M) relationship moved fast and now he’s emotionally dependent on me. I want to break up, but he thinks we’re moving in together this summer and already lined up a job near me. I’m scared of how he’ll react and don’t know how to end things without a meltdown.
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He is not your responsibility. The fact you care shows ur a decent person. Now flip the tables, and be a decent person to yourself. You aren’t happy, and frankly, from the sounds of it, he isn’t either. Just tell him, it’s not working, you’d like to break up. I’d keep it simple, avoid telling him things, but state feelings. You aren’t in love with him anymore. You just aren’t. Anything more, he’ll offer to fix or work on things (unless you want that), but if you’re just done, you are just done. You both deserve to have someone who makes you happy. Wouldn’t you feel better about it too, if you made them happy too? No sex for months says this relationship ran its course awhile ago. I sorry op. Best of luck!