My baby girl is 2 months old and my boyfriend asked me if it would be okay to go to his grandmothers home next week to see all 7 of her cousins because his grandma would like to get a picture of all of them together. I don’t feel comfortable with that because they’re all under the age of 10 and kids are germ factories! It’s also flu season. There’s so many people who are sick right now and I really don’t want to take that chance. So I told him no. He said he really wants to do it for his grandma because he doesn’t think she has a lot of time left but I told him that my baby’s health is more important than a picture. He told me he would make sure that no one is sick but I still feel uncomfortable with it. Kids love to touch all over babies and there’s going to be a whole whopping 7 of them. He said he understands but he seems upset about it. AITAH for saying no?
AITAH that I won’t allow my baby to go see her 7 cousins?
r/AITAH
Comments
Are the cousins vaccinated? Are they currently sick?
NTA. Understandable
You can’t keep your baby in a bubble forever. It’s good for their immune system to be exposed to different things. If no one is sick I don’t see the harm.
NTA. Not worth the risk.
Nah, you’re just being a mom. A 2-month-old immune system vs. a swarm of tiny germ dispensers? Yeah, I’d pass too. Grandma can get that pic when the baby is a little stronger.
NTA- the immune system brand of new babies is minimal at that age. I would also have a hard time with this decision. For the first few months of life, the more conservative parent should be the person who makes the call.
If you do decide to go, you can limit your baby’s exposure by limiting the amount of time you’re in that environment, spending time outside or in a very well ventilated area with open windows, and keeping people’s mouths and hands away from your babies face and hands. Good luck.
Wait until she’s fully vaccinated
NTA. A 2-month-old’s immune system is basically running on vibes. You’re just being a responsible parent, not a villain in a family drama.
I agree being cautious is very important. So why don’t you go with them and limit the contact of the kids around the baby? My kids all three were born with severe immune compromised systems but I always looked for ways for family to bond with them. It’s important for both baby and family.
YTAH
Nta. His grandma sounds old and may not be much longer for this world, and I understand him being upset. It sounds like you’re in the US. which flu season is through April. Also, your baby doesn’t have an immune system yet, and kids, even if they aren’t showing being sick, still carry the germs that can make you sick.
Is there a way to compromise. Is his grandma on her deathbed? Can you wait till 5 months or 6 months? I definetly understand where both of you are coming from but yeah not at 2 months.
Your baby’s health should be your top priority, especially at such a young age when their immune system is still developing. I totally get that your boyfriend wants to respect his grandma’s wishes, but it’s understandable that you’d want to avoid exposing your baby to potential germs, especially with flu season and so many kids around.
That said, it sounds like your boyfriend might be feeling torn between his family’s wishes and your concerns, which is understandable. Maybe you could find a compromise, like visiting grandma at a different time or setting clear boundaries about hygiene (hand washing, no touching the baby) if the visit does happen.
I would ask for the picture to be taken outside and limit direct contact with the other children which would bring the risk to similar to taking them to the grocery store or the germs brought home from working parents.
Grandma and retired teacher here. She’s too little to be around all those kids. It could be dangerous. You are 100% correct. Stand your ground, and don’t feel guilty.
Take a bunch of pictures of baby and send them to her.
Congratulations, and you are NTA.
A two month old baby is too young to be around germ factories.
However look at practicalities. Start planning now to be a single parent. I’m serious. If his grandmother dies before the picture is taken he will be forever resentful and probably won’t forgive, and both of those are pure acid on a relationship.
NTA. A 2-month-old’s immune system is basically on easy mode, and kids are walking petri dishes. Your job is to protect your baby, not to risk RSV for a family photo. Grandma can get a picture when it’s safer.
Oh heck. What makes him think grandma doesn’t have much time left? Tell him going forward tell him not to try to manipulate you because he wants something. This is a real concern. I am sick now. Tell him when the baby is older and you can take the picture outside
NTA. I have an 8 month old and around Christmas time he was around 2 of his 2 year old cousins and got him sick, it was pretty bad. Mind you me and my husband were both sick and he didn’t get sick at all until he came into contact with one of the kids. Kids are SO contagious. If baby was over 3 months then maybe.
Why not wait until the summer and take the picture outside?
You can’t hide your baby from the world. Being around others is nature’s way of building up a person’s immune system.
Taking some precautions are appropriate, but I think you’re overreacting just a bit.
No. Cant he bring the baby at another time without the 7 cousins. You are protecting your child. Hta a bit for not thinking of the dangers
NTA, Her having a photo before she dies after a decent time alive is not worth your kid. Boyfriend needs to get his priorities straight or he needs to get dumped.
NTA.
This is why they invented photo shop
Is this a rare opportunity for all the cousins to get together? If so, go with him and limit contact with the baby. If the cousins are all in the neighborhood, then tell them when you’re comfortable for pictures so they can plan a photo session then
Oh hell no .. if the baby gets sick it will throw off the feeding schedule and your already fragile sleep schedule. Grandma can come visit … cousins need to stay away.
NTA maybe call your pediatrician while your boyfriend is there and ask. The standard answer is no that’s a bad idea, but hearing it from a doctor might save you from an unnecessary argument and hurt feelings.
NTA. At a minimum I would insist that this waits until the baby is old enough to get Tylenol if they get a fever/sick. At two months it’s a trip to the hospital and a possible spinal tap. Absolutely not worth it.
My baby was four months old before we let the grandparents visit without a mask (born in cold and flu and RSV outbreak premature). I think she was six months when she got her first flu and COVID shots then we opened things up to our friends with toddlers (who all understood cause also parents during COVID).
Why won’t you answer the NUMEROUS people who’ve asked if the 7 kids are fully vaccinated and whether or not anyone is ill?
Ehhhh… very light YTA, but understandably. Not for keeping your newborn away, but you are dismissing his opinions and going to Reddit before a doctor.
Can you compromise, though? Get a visit with Grandma, alone? If she is genuinely on her last legs AND the kids are all healthy (and your doctor ok’s it), I can see why the family would want that photo. I have no idea if this information is true or not.
> I told him that my baby’s health is more important than a picture.
Yeah, but you don’t have any evidence that the baby will get sick (even if you are only there 5 minutes for the photo, then take her home)… but I don’t agree that having this photo isn’t extremely important. Just depends on how long she has, how long the cousins will be around, etc. Taking a photo doesn’t mean you need to let a snotty 5-year old hold your baby.
Talk to your doctor, not Reddit.
The baby isn’t just yours. The father shouldn’t have to ask permission to take his baby to see his family.
Is it just me, or is any conversation with a grandparent request lead with ‘I don’t think they have much longer’ and then they proceed to live another 20 years?
NTA 2 months is maybe a bit early for the germ factory.
NAH – If your baby has had their 2 month vaccinations, then I’d go.
The caveat is are the cousins vaccinated? With this measles outbreak, that’s the only reason not to go.
Not gonna lie, I get why he’s upset, but your priority is your baby, not a photoshoot. Grandma will understand—better safe than sorry.
NTA – husband, grandma, and anyone who signs off on this cares more about their wants than your child’s needs. A photo is nowhere near as important as making sure your two month old daughter doesn’t get flu, a cold, or RSV. They’re idiots and I sympathize with you wholeheartedly Mama.
I was like this when my daughter was first born and she’s 3 and it has all paid off. She was born in the middle of cold and flu season and I got so much shit from everyone for sequestering like a jury for a high profile trial. Only a handful of people were allowed to see her immediately after I came home and it was because they weren’t sick, they washed their hands, they did not kiss her, and they were updated on all their vaccines.
I also made it known that if someone tried to visit having been sick or kiss her that I would without zero hesitation be putting hands on them. I was tired of seeing how new mom’s were treated for trying to keep their kids safe and from getting sick so before I even had her I made one post saying that if I see your lips on my baby I’ll knock them clean off. Because of that post, and yes it was mentioned by those who came to see her, I didn’t have to sit here and threaten people over and over because they respected my clear cut boundaries. I wasn’t threatening no contact, I was threatening violence.My fuse is long for most things so they’ve seen me snap a handful of times when it’s actually gone off and know I mean business. That being said, make sure those around you know you mean business.
At two months old your child doesn’t have the necessary immunity to fend off everything the older kids come in contact with on a regular Tuesday in school. Don’t let your husband’s family’s wants overshadow your child’s NEEDS. Your child NEEDS to be kept safe from getting sick and that means skipping out on things for a while.
Edit: I saw mom was in the US like I am. At least at the time I was pregnant and delivering I could actively track the spread of infection using the CDC Website and other resources that are now defunct for obvious reasons. This is relevant because diseases that have been previously eradicated are showing back up and you have idiots willfully not vaccinating their kids so there is absolutely no counting on herd immunity anymore. I’m in the south and right now my state is having the largest type a flu outbreak I believe nationwide. I do freelance journalism and have been keeping tabs on breakouts. We have measles, flu, and RSV outbreaks left right and center. It’s only going to get worse. For those outside of the US please read this edit before you cast judgement on her. We’re out here trying to keep our kids safe in the blind because of the fascist in chief and the 1/3 of the country too stupid to see that they’re voting against their own best interests.
I would take the baby to sit in the picture for 5 minutes then immediately take the baby back out. But everyone takes the risks that are comfortable for them. (We have plenty of family pictures with newborns in them.) But it doesn’t make you an asshole to hold to your own boundaries.
I must be the only one who finds this way over the top. I remember taking my newborn to my eldest’s toddler group to show all my friends, and also to family parties. I don’t ever remember thinking I needed to hide her away from people. Just the opposite, I was out and about with her every day. Baby groups, friends who had kids, everything.
Maybe suggest the cousins don’t hold the baby if you’re that worried, but I’ve never really heard of keeping babies away from children because of germs.
NTA
Stand up for your baby’s safety. Two months is way too young to be meeting the cousins. Wait until baby has been able to get their first vaccinations.
NTA. Hard no. My great nephew is currently suffering with foot and mouth disease he got at daycare. It’s currently raging away through Florida and so are the measles, RSV, and other shitty diseases a newborn doesn’t need to be exposed to and you don’t need to have to deal with their suffering.
I have been married 40 years. My husband started saying his parents didn’t have much time left about 40 years ago. Still here, now frail and poorly. The last 35 years, just fine. I would not give in to that statement, on principle. If Granny is that poorly, the last thing she needs is to be surrounded by tiny germ machines. Poor Granny. Otherwise, summer is just around the corner and plenty of time.
NTA they can wait another 2 months. Being around all those people could potentially get the baby sick.
You’re NTAH for wanting to keep your baby healthy, but I think what your boyfriend is unhappy about is you getting to be the one who makes the decision. It’s not just your baby it’s his too and sometimes as a dad it’s hard being parent number 2. Maybe you can make some kind of compromise that after cold season is done when your baby is older you can have the picture taken then
NTA, you need to care about the baby’s health above all, but here’s an idea have one of the kids hold a doll and then photo shop him into the picture later also FaceTime with everyone while they’re together and show them the baby, so it doesn’t seem like you don’t want to hang out with them. While on the call tell everyone how you can’t wait for everyone to meet the baby face to face when it’s safe to do so.
Stay strong. Do not allow your baby around her cousins. How about taking a picture of your baby and having a poster size print made so that can be used to take a picture of her, her cousins and grandmother? I’m sorry grandma might not have much time left but stand your ground. Your baby is only 2 months old and vulnerable to germs.
NTA your choice.
I’d be worried if any didn’t have measles vaccine. It’s crappy moms with newborns have to worry so much nowadays with that.🥴
Info. Is this baby allowed around kids on your side of the family?
A baby shouldn’t be around others at 2 months old
I’m not gonna lie. I’d go. The pic could be outside if you want, even on a porch. The other factor is how often this gathering happens. If it’s the first in years, then it might be years again. Your husband said he’d make sure no one was sick so at some point, you’re going to have to let him father as much as you mother. Also, if kids are up to date on vaccinations, no one is giving your baby chicken pox or measles. Also, I had 3 a year apart and I did take my newborn basically everywhere because my husband was on a boat doing research and so if I didn’t leave the house, we never would have gone anywhere (we were also thousands of miles from family). So…to me, I don’t have all the info, but I’d let them have the photo. Can you take off right after and let your husband stay? That seems like a good compromise because as you parent, you’ll have to navigate a ton of them together..
They can wait for the picture until after flu season is over. Can’t they wait until May? NTA.
While I agree with you that it’s a dangerous event…if he’s the father he has just as much right to take baby as you do. (Unless courts have said he has no rights.) You can’t keep him from taking baby to visit his family. YTA
NTA. Your child’s health is more important than his grandmother’s whims. If your boyfriend wants to pamper his granny with a group photo, then the photo editor program will help him with this.
I understand your concerns about not getting baby sick but if you guys have to go do grocery shopping, aaron’s, or other things outside of the home you do realize you can catch all kinds of stuff while I’m running your errands with baby and tow.
I would still put the idea down until baby was a little older because when it comes down to being around the cousins who are under the age of 10, they are grab a little monsters that wanted touch and hold and kiss and hug the baby. I work in a daycare and one of the girls there just became a big sister and that baby’s barely two months old and whenever the baby is out and about with one of the teachers all the kids that do see them want to go over and hug on the baby and touch the baby etc etc. And it’s very hard to get them to go do what they need to go do. I mean what do you do with babies are so cute. But I get it, I wouldn’t want a bunch of kids man handling my baby and possibly getting my baby sick either.
My point is this, it doesn’t matter if you just take the baby out while you’re running errands or you’re around a bunch of sick kids it is still possible when you’re out doing errands for the baby to pick up something and get sick just as easy.
NTA. Grandma has seen the baby a bunch. This season has been rough for viruses. I have two kids and when we go to the doctors they all say the same thing. Lucky us, got the flu vaccine, half of us have the flu. It’s brutal. Photoshop will be the saving grace here. Sounds like grandma is still in good health which is wonderful but that also means there can be other cousin get together in future months.
Having a 2 month old around a bunch of kids is a risk. Whether or not it’s a manageable risk depends on the people you’ll be around. Is boyfriend’s family anti-vax? Are they the sort of people would keep their kids home if they were sick, or are they “it’s okay, they haven’t thrown up since late last night” people?
NTA
Hahahahaha that liar. There is no way that that man is going to make sure that seven! different kids are not sick. As bad as he wants this for his grandma, I’m sure so do all of his siblings. So I say this with a positivity of all the money in my pocket to bet that if one of those kids is sick then their parents will just go no no they are fine it’s just a sniffles. Without a real concern over the new baby
YTA. This is resistance building for the child. Ask your doctor.
With measles spreading? NFW.
Photoshop is your friend.
Schedule it for 2 months from now and have it outdoors. It’s an easy fix to say you’d love to set this up! You’re available the first week of June.
NTA for not wanting to do it now, but you can easily solve this problem by setting a date at an appropriate time.
Man, what a family! I only have 5 cousins and only know 1 of them. Met my aunts n uncle 2 tines in NY life,pictures of us do not exist. So think long and hard about your baby and her cousins!
NTA.
My mom didn’t let anyone see me until I was like 6 months.
Your baby needs to get vaccinated & have a little bit of time to get stronger. One or two people at 4 months is cool but not a whole crew of snot monsters.
Your child. Your rules. You are not the AH. This is completely normal mothering to protect an infant.
I think there’s a way to do it comfortably. Go, enter with baby in a wrap on you. Explain to the kids that baby is still very little and can get sick easily so you’re keeping her safe by not breathing on her, touching her face etc. For the photo put her in a car seat and have her on the ground in front of everyone.
I think you’re picturing your baby out in the open, exposed to everyone, being passed around and breathed on. It doesn’t have to be that way.
NTA. I would tell him and grandma when you think this might be ok and plan for that so it sounds more positive than a solid no.
You’re right. Kids like to get right into the babies face and breathe all over them!
And it’s emotional manipulation to say you have to because “grandma might not be around long”! None of know how long we will be around and while this is try for old people it’s emotional manipulation to try to get your way because of age like that. So, for that reason I wouldn’t do it!