My first time was a r*pe

I come from a fairly conservative background where sx before marriage is discouraged.Moreover I didn’t wish to do it before marriage because of my own apprehensions about sx.When I started dating my ex, I told him clearly that there won’t be any s*x between us before marriage.He agreed to it at that time.Then when we got deeper into our relationship, he tried to convince me to have it. I just couldn’t do it so I asked him to leave me and be with someone who could fulfill his needs.He denied that and begged me not to leave him,that he wouldn’t ask me for it anymore until our wedding.Then one unfortunate day,we were fooling around and he started touching me in inappropriate way. I told him to stop but before I could even process anything,he had me pinned down and raped me. I couldn’t even shout out for help.My entire life flashed before my eyes and how my every dream was shattered.After the act, I just asked him to get out of my life and he started begging me for forgiveness. I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t forgive him.Consequently,he went to others and cried about how I dumped him because of our class issues.Others believed him and blamed me for ruining his life.My shame is such that I can’t even tell anyone what happened to me. I will be seen as soiled goods,not fit to marry anyone. I don’t even want to marry anyone else because of my trauma but my parents keep forcing me to get married.How can I ever get married without telling them the truth but if I tell anyone, I know for sure,the word will get out. I just don’t know what to do.How to let go of my shame.How to start living again.Am I even worthy of love now?