I am on the verge of breaking up with my boyfriend and I just really need some help with coping with issues that last beyond the breakup.
I don’t think breaking up solves any of my issues. My insecurities are the main reason. My boyfriend and I started off as anime enjoyers but as time passed I felt more and more insecure about how sexually anime portrays women and how much my boyfriend enjoyed watching hot anime women.
I started to feel more and more insecure about my own body and how I looked. Especially after finding out that he read hentai and watched cosplay porn almost 3-5times a week to masterbate.
This summer when I went to japan with him we visited an alley with a bunch of anime girl posters that were half naked and I started to hyperventalate and it made me feel so sick. I couldn’t physically stand there seeing my boyfriend look at those posters and I had to leave or else I would’ve started sobbing.
Whenever I see an anime girl portrayed sexually anywhere I just start to feel like throwing up and extremely frustrated. I cry at times bevause of how much resentment and jealousy it causes me.
I can’t believe how hateful I am. How much I can hate other pretty women that enjoy cosplaying and showing off their bodies.
He said he doesn’t care about other girls romantically and it was just normal to feel aroused by sexual confent and that he grew up consuming it since he was young blaming it on “i was a kid and I had internet” but ever since I found out how sexual he is I just coulnd’t feel normal again.
I don’t know how to heal or enjoy anime content ever again, I don’t feel confident anymore I dont take care of my own looks anymore and I genuinely don’t know if I could ever go back to liking this entire culture anymore.
I get extremely jealous and disgusted at anything that even relates to japanese culture. Maid outfits and thigh high socks and everything about it makes me feel sick.
I just don’t want to be sick at the sight of anime girls anymore. I don’t want to be triggered by this everywhere I go because of how popular anime is.
I am going insane. It hurts my heart
Comments
If anime porn is a boundary for you, that’s ok. And I say that with no judgement, it is for me. But you’ll need to do some attachment style work to go from hyperventilating and anxiety to “No thanks, not the kind of relationship I want.” You sound like you probably have an anxious attachment style. There are a good amount of books on it, therapy could also really help.
3-5 times a week, huh? Yikes. No, Hun, being fed up with your boyfriend’s porn addiction and general anime goonery is not a you problem. Drop him if you’re gonna, you’re better off.