on the way to my dads funeral my dads friend told me how i was such a curious child and how i once asked him “why is the sky was blue?” but apparently he had no answer for me. it hurt, he didn’t mean to upset me but he did.
when i was younger i asked my dad if my constant questions were annoying which he told me that i should question everything and so i did. when my dad didn’t know the answer to my questions he would tell me what he believed so for example when i asked him about clouds,aliens or magic he would tell me his ‘conspiracies’.
i once asked him what happens after death (which in hindsight is a scary question from a 5 year old), to which he thought people were reincarnated. i said i think people choose between going to heaven or being reincarnated. but i got a bit upset becuase i realised that if i was reincarnated into the person i am now, i have no memories of my past lives and that means that when i die i wont remember my dad so i told my dad i would like for him to be in all my lives and that people remember their past lives when they’re in heaven.i asked him what he thought he would be reincarnated as and he said a plant, which baffled me becuase i was thinking of being a wolf. i asked my dad what animal he would be. he took a while to think and then he said he would be reincarnated as a bird maybe an owl. of course this baffled me because i hadn’t even thought of birds or fish for that matter. he had me beat becuase of course a bird was the obvious answer, i’d get to see things that i can’t see now . we spent a good while talking about animals until my next question came to mind and the conversation was dropped.
my grandads death devastated me and the only comfort i could find was to write about his new life, his life as a flower on a hill with a beautiful view of a valley. sadly my dad joined my grandad when i was 16 and so i found my old notes and wrote about the two flowers with a beautiful view. a year later my grandma joined them on that field. i get angry,upset, depressed thinking about how my dad could leave me but i try to find peace for my dad can stay in that field as he has promised to join me as a bird or a wolf or a fish or even a tree.
my dad might of been bigger than this life but he promised me another lifetime of questions so i’ll use this time to think of some good ones.