So i just wanted to share my life story and state with someone and what is better than sharing it with random people on the internet.
I’m 22 years old and I’m studying psychology in college. I live in my father’s house with my 28 year’s old brother which although finished his college but doesn’t work and is staying in room all day playing games and scrolling through Instagram and YouTube etc. my mother left us when i just born and my father had to pay a lot for the divorce, at that time my father had a high salary job and after. All I know from my mother is that she was dating her ex boyfriend when she was engage with my father and after divorce she married to that man and after few years she divorce again and married to another man, that’s all I know about her and honestly I don’t really care about what happened to her and why she abondoned her 7 year old and just born baby like it was nothing. I never understood the feeling of having a kind mother and although some people feel so sorry for me all I can say is “if I never had it then I never miss it” any ways my father left his job to raise me and my brother and went to a new stat that was close to my grandma and grandpa. Years pass im 14 lively teenager with a ton of energy always being the comedic kid making everyone happy being there for everyone to talk to and finally, no friends although being friendly to everyone at school and kinda being the famous kid, why i didn’t had any friend you ask? Becouse i never was allowed to hangup with other kids and didn’t had smartphone till I was 16 and even then i allowed to install and use social media so when people in my age was chatting and planing stuff I was at home like always although I have no problem with that. Cuz i like that I’m no using social media much. In my entire life I never had my bedroom I was always sleeping with my father next to me, not in the same bed I didn’t had my own bed till I was 15 and my bed is placed in my fathers room and he sleeps on the floor, I always they’ll him to sleep on the bed and I can sleep on the livingroom but he doesn’t accept it and im stuck in this situation. My father is a kind person but with a catch, he’s a kind person so he lest his high paying job to raise me and was always around me, playing with me cheering me and saying I can do anything which led to me having confident in myself and challenging my self all the time which led to me randomly testing and getting selected for my middleschool running team and getting 1st place in every single race even in national turnomment I got 1st place in 400m and 800m race. After that I was invited to national team selection when I entered high school and in that turnument i missed my race cuz of the miscommunication with the coach and i participated in 200m race and didn’t get a good result and the couch apologize me after turnomment. I called my father who was cheering for me this 3 year and when I explained to him what happened he got angry and suddenly called me a liar and said I was scared of losing and i faked that i misses the race and to this day after almost 6 years every time he’s angry and in every argument he brings this up. My father married once more when i was 7 years old but although we weren’t rich she was after my fathers money and stuff like that so they got divorce and my father never married again. After that I think my father choose me for his only friend. My father started talking about all his frustrations, his loneliness many things on his mind to me, well although I was always listening to everyone’s concerns, frustration and im currently studying psychology, I never asked to this. You see I always was a chill person with kinda positive personality and with every year passing i felt im getting more depressed cuz I was kinda a emotional dumpster and I was absorbing all the negativity and I felt my positivity was dying and I turned from a chill and positive person to someone stresses all day and although not showing on my face getting angry so quickly. I said me and my father sleep on the same room but there’s more, my father comes back from work 2pm and I have to be around him all the time till he want to sleep that then whether its 7pm or 2am i have to stay up till he feels sleepy and then I SHOULD sleep too. If he’s home and sitting on the living room i should be sitting on the living room and even then, if im studying, working with my phone or honestly anything he gets angry and says “fk this family” “no one is talking to me” “wish I never had you two” “this is not a family” “you two are emotionless and no one has any emotion for me in this house” and etc. he never let me work or make money for my self. im responsible for all the works in house, cleaning cocking etc. I’m just faking myself and wearing a mask all the time now and although i mentioned things in this text when ever we argue but nothing changed.
Honestly idk why I’m saying these things here but just wanted to relieve myself a little bit.