hi im 17f and my parents just found a pretty big bottle of alcohol under my bed looking for their charger while I was out of the house. they did not say much about because i have a dance competition tm night and said that theyd talk about it later but i’d like to know how you guys would react so i can prepare for the worst.
to clarify, ive always had good grades, never missed a curfew, and never gotten in trouble aside from a messy room. i know that drinking underage is bad as well i really feel bad about it already so please dont hate too bad.
update: my mom told me that she knows kids experiment but that i cannot have alcohol hiding in my bedroom because thats how problems start. im probably going to be grounded for a week but at least im not dead thank you for the advice!
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I was an alcoholic before I even turned 21 and my daughter knows that. She knows alcoholism and addiction run strong in our family and she could so easily ruin her life. I would be incredibly disappointed in her and it would really change my entire opinion of who she is. No longer could I trust her judgement or take her at her word. If she had a comp, I would probably say the same thing as your parents, we’ll talk about it later.
The worst thing you can do is lie and say it’s not yours – they know you’re not holding it for a friend. When my daughter was 17 I found vodka in her room and she used that lame excuse. She got grounded 2 weeks for having it and another 2 for lying to my face. Own up, apologize and accept the consequences.
For me, it would be a discussion about how often you’re drinking, where you got the bottle, and a few other things. Be honest with them. Don’t throw your friends under the bus. Own what you’re doing and take responsibility. If my kids put it off on someone else… That would change the tone of the conversation.
My kids don’t have to hide anything from me. If they want to drink with their friends when they’re in high school I will take them to a liquor store to pick out some drinks and they can in our basement or garage safely. If they went pot my husband will share, or my dad grows and we can get from him. More serious drugs obviously need to wait until they’re 18+, but again I know people and would make sure to help my child safely get what they need over ending up with some serious disease or dead.
Over 700 people have died over overdose in our small city in the last month. Never ever going to let that happen to my babies.
If it were my kid I’d be sure to have an honest conversation with them. I know I was experimenting with drinking at that age so I couldn’t be too upset. Id be calm and understanding with them and I’d hope that they would be open and honest with me, I’d take the booze and probably ground my kid for a few days. While I know kids will be kids and experiment with these things, I won’t be enabling it.
No judgement here! Whatever you do, just be straightforward with them. We went through this when our (then 15 year old, now almost 20) did the same thing. As a parent our primary concern wasn’t to pearl clutch and act as if we didn’t do the same thing as kids. Our primary concern was:
A) Where and from whom did you get it? (Was it stolen, bought by someone’s older sibling, or was it taken from another parent’s house?)
B) Who transported it?
C) Depends on answer A, especially if (you have a car) and drove with it, which also implies you were drinking and driving, with an open container- double whammy.
The second paragraph of what you do like grades and so forth normally wouldn’t matter to me. You snuck around, illegally bought alcohol and hid it. You broke my trust. Trust is earned in drops and lost in buckets. Lying will make it worse. I’m holding it for a friend wouldn’t get you off the hook and would show me you’re willing to help others break the law and your friends are a bad influence.
My brother started drinking at 16, my parents figured if he was drinking at our house then at least he was safe. He’s been a functional alcoholic ever since and I hold them partially responsible. I would be very disappointed and you would be watching videos and writing essays about addiction and driving under the influence. You could kiss driving and going out unsupervised good bye until you bought and paid for your car and insurance at 18 and you earned my trust back concerning curfew.
If I were you love, and I do not know your parents and hoe they typically act about things which makes the entire difference what their demeanor typically is, in stressful situations.
For one. Be honest with yourself. Are you drinking occasionally for fun? Or is it escalating ? If it is, repent and ask for help , tell them you’re sad they had to find out this way but you are happy that they did because you’ve been wanting to ask them for their help but have been too scared to.
And clearly, you have a good head on your shoulders, however getting good grades and all doesn’t mean you’re not internally struggling and using alcohol to cope. Pushing yourself too hard and putting too much stress/weight on yourself to succeed, and in turn NEEDING alcohol to unwind,(huge difference between needing and wanting) It can be a slippery slope for some, especially depending on what your family history is with it.
For twoo, if you feel like you’re just unwinding occasionally and living a typical life, you feel secure and happy with the way things are going and are not using alcohol to cope. Reassure your parents about that. 9 times out of 10, the anger a parent will feel when finding their child hiding things, is typically born out of fear. Fear of what I just outlined first, worried you’re headed down a bad path. Reassure them that you are okay, and that if you feel like you’re falling you will go to them for help. That you’d never let alcohol 1. Come before school or 2. Become your #1 for coping and living life. Tell them you’re beinf responsible as you can be. Never getting in the car with a drunk driver (and seriously do not do that , so much can happen even in a blocks distance. ) that you’re keeping grades up and you don’t need it for fun, or to cope with stress in life. That you’re simply experimenting and you hope that you can go to them if you need help (that will also hopefully open the conversation up in a positive direction for them to feel needed, and more secure about if you are doing “bad or dangerous things ” you’d leave the situation and go to them before things could go farther. I hope this helps mans!
As a parent, the first thing I’d ask is: “Why?” Second question would be: “How?”
There’d be a punishment of some sort. How severe would depend on if my kiddo lies to me or not. There’s no alcohol in my house, I don’t drink, nor do I use it for cooking in any capacity, so it didn’t come from me. Kiddo got it from somewhere, I want to know how he got it.