Thought that this sub might have some in my mom’s perspective.
18m currently in my last semester of highschool so other then school, ap exams, and badminton team, I am pretty free.
Took my first pilot lesson, thought that it was my cup of tea at first but decided that it wasn’t. Told my parents that I didn’t want to continue but my mom won’t let me quit. Yesterday, we had an argument about how I was going to use my ‘free’ time, and I told her I might take up piano (alrdy play the cello but pretty much retired) and focus on the app’s I’ve been coding. After that we agreed that it was a fair compromise.I then formally quit my lessons from flying school. Texts sent and all figured out.
Mom barges into my room this morning while I was asleep and directly tells me that I am going to take the pilot license. She said that she didn’t care if I liked it or not and to treat it as school. (I am not aiming to be a pilot and my family is the traditional Asian kind so I am going to 4 year university after this). She said that since I was considering going into aero this is a clear benefit. (Emphasize considering). She also keeps saying in both arguments that she was buying ‘insurance’ so that I wasn’t going to be a ‘lazy asshole and stay home forever in the future.’ which I think is completely not true, as I am one of those ultra overachieving Asians at school 🤓
She then continues to barage me with ‘what are you going to do with your time cuz all the things you said yesterday could be done at the same time as piloting’. Mind you piloting would probably take 20-25 hrs a week of my time.
All my life she has always been emphasizing ‘life experience’ and you never know when you might need it.
I am currently on a walk outside from the house as 1) I already withdrawn it’ll be hard for me to put myself back 2) I feel like she is not respecting my decision on what I thought was going to be a ‘hobby’ turn to ‘school’ 3) she basically retracted the argument yesterday and denied me of my opinion? She won’t take no for an answer
I don’t really know what to do cuz I don’t really want to fully flip out at my mom yet
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Some kids say they want to do things and then quit immediately. You listed lots of things you’ve done. Is it possible you showed interest & she did the work of signing you up, but you didn’t give it an honest try?
Flight lessons are expensive. They might need to be purchased in a package. She might not want to lose that money before you spent enough time to really know.
Unless she paid for all of this, in that case I’d be pissed too, but really you’re 18 and can do what you want.
If you do end up having to go through with it, at least it won’t hurt knowing how to fly a plane. You might save a whole plane load of people some day in an emergency 😅
I get where your mom is coming from. Having cool life experiences makes you a more interesting, worldly and well rounded person. My Asian mom has some friends whose kids are working for airlines and she is mega jealous of the free airline perks her friends get. It’s very Asian mom brag worthy to have kids with prestigious airline jobs.
But at the same time, you aren’t interested, and you would be wasting 20 hours a week plus $20,000 in tuition. Even if you treat it like school, you’re not going to be highly successful at something you lack natural inclination toward.
She wants what’s best for you, so just remind her what a good kid you already are. You’re in AP classes, badminton team, and you are coding apps, positioning you for a good career in technology. What is the major you’re planning to take at uni?
If she thinks you have too much free time, and you seem to agree that you have got some free time, would you consider another “good kid” hobby? Such as tutoring as a part time job, or volunteering in the community? These types of activities help build your job skills so she doesn’t have to worry about you “staying home forever”.
Your mom is teaching you about committing to your word.
If you didnt want to do it you should have thought about it longer.
It sucks but its a life lesson.
Another bonus lesson is just because you can back out of your word doesnt mean you should and when you commit to something a real man sees it through to the end. Reguardless of sissy stuff like enjoyment lol
How many family members did she already tell that you are a pilot lol? When you said Asian parent it all made sense. It’s going to be really hard to forge your own path and have her respect your decisions regardless of what you choose to do. It’s a cultural thing. Try to find balance between easing her anxieties about your future while also doing something you actually want to do. And also remember that what you choose now isn’t set in stone. You can always switch careers and reinvent yourself! Be honest and firm with her, and also be realistic about getting your life together and making good long term decisions that will set you up for success in the long run
Asian here as well.Â
One question – do you have a habit of quitting all the time? Someone asked you this but you’ve evaded the question so I’m going to ask again.Â
You’ve mentioned the followingÂ
So something’s not adding up here. How often do you do this where you think something is cool, do it for maybe a short while and then just quit? Or you just don’t finish it?Â
If this is a habit of yours where you never finish what you start, then I think I get where your mum is coming from. She is concerned greatly that this is a habit of yours. A bit late at 18 to try and correct it but nonetheless, she wants to correct it.Â
She mentioned free time so it sounds like she’s just worried. She’s worried about you not doing anything productive during your “free time” and build more skills for a better future.Â
Honestly, this sounds like the two of you need better communication. You need to figure out and understand where your mum’s concerns are, decide if it’s reasonable, and then give reasonable arguments why she shouldn’t worry.Â
You haven’t exactly provided concrete plans so she’s not going to be mollified by that.Â
And also, she paid for the flight school. So if you don’t want her to meddle in what you’re doing, start paying for your own stuff. I’d be pissed if my child constantly wastes my money and never goes through with any plans they start.Â
I would push my son to finish also. I’m on her side.