Feeling like a jerk

Me, 37f, him 44m. (This is long and im sorry)

Situationship that lasted a year and some change ish. Long distance, 4 hours. NY, Michigan.

Ive posted about this countless times in the past. Ill try again to summarize it. Met on FB dating in April 2023. In his profile he mentioned wanting a family of his own, and thats something I want too. We actually had a ton in common and our conversations went on for hours when we talked on the phone. We met in person 3 times.

First, in June 2023. He came to NY. Clicked so wonderfully, felt super comfortable right off the bat. He wanted to see where things went. Ok, fair. Second, I went to Michigan. Summerslam was going on, and we both like WWE so he invited me out for that. Had a great weekend out there, summerslam was excellent, holding hands the entire time. At this point, even though we slept together, we werent sleeping together(if ya get it). I asked again what this was. We were acting like bf/gf, laughing, kissing some and he still wanted to see where things went. It was around 5-6 months around this time.

Since he was so unsure, but treating me like a girlfriend and we were in a relationship, I brought it up that I thought we were on the same page but it seemed we werent. He said he couldnt give me the relationship that I wanted, but also said there was so spark, and also said he felt numb(he hasnt had a relationship in 10 years). I went no contact after to get away.

He came back 2 months later, and the texts/chatting got spicier. He wanted to meet me again, so we met for the final time in Canada(halfway point between us). Once again, fantastic time, I was in great shape and really confident that we were going exclusive. I was wrong. He ended up ghosting me for 2 days after that trip and when I texted him, he was too afraid to tell me that he wasnt the right guy for me.

I was pretty upset at this point because he lead me on, lead me to believe he wanted a relationship with me. I decided to block him and remove myself after that. It was very emotional for both people.

8 months goes by, he comes back again. November. At this point, hes breadcrumbing me and he bought me a very expensive hoodie but he hadnt acknowledged the pain and rollercoaster AND the fallout in march. I was confused and hurt, sad and going through emotional turmoil yet again. I really liked this man.

We chatted and he complimented my pictures, and in january, I thought he was going to invite me to royal rumble but he was just being wishy washy and only led me to believe he wanted to go. Sigh.

We had a phone chat in March where I was kind but basically said…whats going on here? And really no definitive answer, he didnt realize him reaching out was opening a wound. We did chat for a long time and laughed like we always did. At the end of the call, even though I was happy we spoke after a year through voice, I still couldnt help feeling a bit sad.

He texted me 3 weeks ago asking how my upstairs neighbors are, and I just didnt have the heart to respond anymore. I knew it was going to continue the pain on and on and on.

I feel terrible about not responding, I think hes a good guy but its like I ghosted him. Its too late for me to say anything now, and I doubt he cares, but what this guy did caused me so much heartache.

Am I a jerk for that? for not giving him a response? I dont think he’ll reach out again. In our call, I told him Im not sure if I wanted to keep talking to him for the initial pain he put me through(He did say he sees me as his wife/partner).

TLDR – situationship led me on for a year and some change, led me to believe he wanted something serious. Pulled the rug out from under me a few times, came back 3 times and now I think im a jerk for soft ghosting him.