I say sir and maāam to be respectful but find that in my area of the country, āmaāamā especially has a negative connotation, making the person being called that feel old.
Iāve been told MANY times āDonāt call me maāamā which is completely fine. Itās a hard thing for me to break.
Sometimes with sir, in blue collar heavy communities, Iāll get āDid you just call me an asshole?ā Or āDonāt call me that, I work for a livingā
Much less common and much less welcome since itās partly due to a different usage. In the south, itās a general term of respect. In the north itās more often reserved for elderly people so being called āsirā or āmaāamā isnāt always terribly appreciated.
Yes. Some people might be confused or even offended if you referred to them as sir or ma’am, because they consider those terms to be used for older people and they don’t think they’re old enough to be addressed that way.
Grew up in California and Utah, and I never used the terms sir or maāam for my parents or any other adult. I now occasionally get called sir by folks from the south at work, but I generally try to stop that and encourage people to just call me by my first name.
Yes and I find it ridiculous. I was raised in NYC and moved to a southern state and I have grown to love the culture of respect in the south. It took me a long time to be comfortable with using sir and mam.Ā
Live in Oregon and have only ever called pets sir and ma’am. Would never, ever say it seriously and would feel very uncomfortable if someone called me ma’am.
From Colorado: my colleagues call me maāam. I was at first insulted that they think of me as an old lady, I had to get used to realizing itās just respectful and nothing to do with age.
More specifically, there are fewer social circumstances where sir and maāam are used outside the South than in the South. They are pretty standard to use in the service industry everywhere. For example, if you walk up to the front desk of a 4+ star hotel anywhere in America youāre pretty likely to be addressed as sir or maāam no matter what part of the country youāre in. However, in the South it is common to address your parents by sir and maāam whereas that is pretty much unheard of everywhere else.
Yeah. Youād only hear it up north if youāre talking to someone thatās like 70+. Down south anyone over the age of like 12 is maāam or sir. Even my bosses call me sir.
Yeah thatās likely true. They are fairly commonly used in the mountain west than the coast or the north, while being less common than in the South. It can vary quite a bit within regions as well with sir and maāam seeming to me to be more common in rural areas than in more urban areas.Ā
I’m in the Midwest and people who say “sir” a lot sound like they just got out of the military.
Sir and ma’am would sound a little too formal even coming from a waiter or salesman. Maybe it’d fit with a very fancy restaurant where you have to dress up and it’s hundreds of dollars.
I have used sir/ma’am when I saw someone drop something or something fall out of their pocket as they’re walking and I yelled toward them to get their attention.
Saying “sir” would sound normal to the police officer who just pulled you over. lol Maybe if I were for some reason talking to a high level politician like my state’s governor and up or the top leaders of the big company I work for, it’d feel right to use “sir” at the beginning of the conversation.
yes. i have a black friend who says yes maāam and yes sir all the time. he referred to a white man we had just met as āsirā. the white guy is from NY and was repulsed by the idea that anyone, especially a black man, would refer to him as āsirā. i said , dude, chill. this is the south, heās just being polite.
It is more common in the South, but not complete unusual outside. Personally, I choose to say “sir” when I’m speaking with someone I don’t know. It’s an easy way to be respectful.
Indiana here. I use them only for people who are at least as old as my parents when I donāt know their names. As in ācan I hold that door for you maāam?ā Or something like that.
Iām in my fifties and occasionally get maāamed by younger people and it doesnāt bother me at all. Itās better than calling me honey or something.
Yes! I teach in CA and I once got a student from Texas. He called me maāam all the time! It was pretty cute but I was like 24 and he was 13 at the time so I was like āyou really donāt have to do thatā. Kids occasionally say āyes maāamā to me but you can always tell itās something theyāre expected to say at home. And thatās usually only one kid a year – if that! It feels like fake respect to me when I hear it because itās so rehearsed sounding.
If someone calls you āsirā or āmaāamā up here in Massachusetts, means they just donāt know your name. Itās extremely weird to hear those words otherwise.
I’m in Texas and “Excuse me, ma’am?” and so on is just the polite expected way to address a stranger. I’m actually wondering what they do in other parts of the country. “hey you?”
That would’ve gotten me in serious trouble growing up if my parents or especially one of my grandmothers heard it lol.
Where I grew up on the California coast we had 60-year-olds in surf hoodies and old hippies who we called dude. If someone said āsirā they were in some sort of a formal position of authority like a cop.
I was a kid when Boomers were really hitting middle age and I feel like it was a pretty common thing to hear women losing their shit the first time they were called āmaāam.āĀ
So it felt like you were calling a grownup old. And I didnāt want to be seen as rude. It always felt weird because I used honorifics freely with Mexican family members.
Idk if this is a me thing or if it’s a regional thing (parents are from NY, but I grew up in NC so I don’t have a great frame of reference), but the only time I use sir/ma’am is if I’m annoyed with someone and I’m trying to be subtly patronizing. Ie, I basically only use it sarcastically.
These words are formal and used in business and not at home.
“Sir” used even less in the less high profile areas, for example when I was a young man in New York City, an employee in a retail store might address me as Sir, whereas in Western NY state, they don’t bother.
I’m from New England and my little brother who has been in the military for 10ish years uses “sir/ma’am” all the time and we make fun of him for it a lot. I use it when talking to animals and little kids because I think its funny. I like to use it in fake outrage, like “Excuse me, SIR??” I work in a preschool and people are always farting on me and that’s when it gets the most use. Also, like everyone has been saying, its used when you need to get a strangers attention. I try to use “miss” instead of “ma’am” though because TV has drilled it into my brain that “ma’am” is offensive, like on the level of hag or old crone. Also of course I use it sarcastically when someone tells me to do something.
Honestly growing up in PA – so north but kind of borderline- it was rare use in my area. I always thought it was rude to call people Sir and Maāam because it honestly only seems like assholes expected to be called that in media. The only family I know who used actually those phrases were my black neighbors. The dad expected the son to call him sir- and the son did call him that because he was terrified of his dad who definitely beat him. Just reinforced the idea that sirs and maāams are the worst.
Basically not used at all in many parts of the US– in the Pacific Northwest a kid using sir or ma’m would likely be perceived as being sarcastic. (As long as you weren’t on a military base.) Also presumed addressed for elderly people, which some dislike. I’ve lived basically across the northern states from coast-to-coast over the years and generally speaking the only time I ever hear “sir” or “ma’m” is when someone is trying to get the attention of a waiter or a kid is being snotty.
Yes because there are a lot of phonies there. Southern Hospitality my ass. If you are black, Jewish, Catholic, gay or from north of the Mason Dixon line they showed me what Southern Hospitality really was.
In New York you usually only say āSirā or āMaāamā if youāre trying to get their attention. Like if they dropped something. āExcuse me, sir? You dropped your keys.ā
I don’t think I ever heard anybody say “Sir” or “Ma’am” in real life when I was growing up in New York State. For us, being polite was calling an older person Mr. (last name), or Ms./Mrs. (last name).
I’m from rural Upstate NY. Like, super agrarian, town of 900 people, grocery store is 30 minutes away rural. Having now lived in several other places in the US to include California and southeastern states, I can say that the culture was pretty generic “American redneck.”
However, I’m not sure I ever once heard “sir” or “ma’am” outside of movies until I moved south.
In the North and among some Northerners, calling them sir or ma’am is actually insulting. As in, it is seen as sarcastic. My dad didn’t like it because he didn’t want to bring military strictures into the house.
Absolutely. I never heard anyone called “Sir” or “Ma’am” in California except when it was done by a police officer or an official of the courts–or when it was done by someone attempting to get someone’s attention.
In the South, “Sir” and “Ma’am” are ingrained into the daily vocabulary.
Comments
Yes.
If someone calls you sir outside of the South they’re probably a cop.
Definitely true.
Who grew up having this conversation with your parents:
Mom: calls my name
Me: Yes?
Mom: Yes what?!?!
Me: Yes MA’AM? š¤š”
Yes.Ā
Yes
I say sir and maāam to be respectful but find that in my area of the country, āmaāamā especially has a negative connotation, making the person being called that feel old.
Iāve been told MANY times āDonāt call me maāamā which is completely fine. Itās a hard thing for me to break.
Sometimes with sir, in blue collar heavy communities, Iāll get āDid you just call me an asshole?ā Or āDonāt call me that, I work for a livingā
Yes correct. Using sir and maāam are big in the south, but not so much anywhere else.
Much less common and much less welcome since itās partly due to a different usage. In the south, itās a general term of respect. In the north itās more often reserved for elderly people so being called āsirā or āmaāamā isnāt always terribly appreciated.
Yes. In the Northeast, it could even be considered disrespectful, but we give southerners a pass, since we know it’s part of your culture.
Yes. Some people might be confused or even offended if you referred to them as sir or ma’am, because they consider those terms to be used for older people and they don’t think they’re old enough to be addressed that way.
Grew up in California and Utah, and I never used the terms sir or maāam for my parents or any other adult. I now occasionally get called sir by folks from the south at work, but I generally try to stop that and encourage people to just call me by my first name.
Yes. Sir and mam are a southern thing. Also most older waitresses will call you Honey. I miss that.
Also in the south you are likely to hear Mr/Miss First Name, especially from the neighbors children
Yes. We very rarely say those words.
Yes, for white people. Black culture in the whole country also has more usage of sir/maāam and titles for your elders.
Yes and I find it ridiculous. I was raised in NYC and moved to a southern state and I have grown to love the culture of respect in the south. It took me a long time to be comfortable with using sir and mam.Ā
Yes sir or ma’am.
I donāt say maāam, but I do say sir. Born and raised in MA
Live in Oregon and have only ever called pets sir and ma’am. Would never, ever say it seriously and would feel very uncomfortable if someone called me ma’am.
Drilled into your head in childhood in much of the south.Ā
From Colorado: my colleagues call me maāam. I was at first insulted that they think of me as an old lady, I had to get used to realizing itās just respectful and nothing to do with age.
If someone calls you sir or ma’am in New England, they’re either:
If, for example, you call a teacher “sir” or “ma’am”, you’re probably being fresh with them.
Broadly, yes.
More specifically, there are fewer social circumstances where sir and maāam are used outside the South than in the South. They are pretty standard to use in the service industry everywhere. For example, if you walk up to the front desk of a 4+ star hotel anywhere in America youāre pretty likely to be addressed as sir or maāam no matter what part of the country youāre in. However, in the South it is common to address your parents by sir and maāam whereas that is pretty much unheard of everywhere else.
Yeah. Youād only hear it up north if youāre talking to someone thatās like 70+. Down south anyone over the age of like 12 is maāam or sir. Even my bosses call me sir.
Yeah thatās likely true. They are fairly commonly used in the mountain west than the coast or the north, while being less common than in the South. It can vary quite a bit within regions as well with sir and maāam seeming to me to be more common in rural areas than in more urban areas.Ā
I never really noticed.
Another quirk in titles that comes from the south = Mr./Ms. <first name>
“Hello Mr. Brian, how are you! You’re going to have to ask Ms. Emma, she handles the schedule.”
yessir
I’m in the Midwest and people who say “sir” a lot sound like they just got out of the military.
Sir and ma’am would sound a little too formal even coming from a waiter or salesman. Maybe it’d fit with a very fancy restaurant where you have to dress up and it’s hundreds of dollars.
I have used sir/ma’am when I saw someone drop something or something fall out of their pocket as they’re walking and I yelled toward them to get their attention.
Saying “sir” would sound normal to the police officer who just pulled you over. lol Maybe if I were for some reason talking to a high level politician like my state’s governor and up or the top leaders of the big company I work for, it’d feel right to use “sir” at the beginning of the conversation.
No. I live in the Midwest. Maybe because of my age, I hear sir quite a bit.
Ma’am could come with a stern lecture depending on who it is applied to.
I’m a Californian who says, “Sir, but stays away from saying, “Ma’am.” I realized “Ma’am” can be used for an older woman.
Yes. They are honorifics left over from the days of strict class stratification.
Calling someone Ma’am (Madame) is weird here in the North. It’s reserved for the respect we give the elderly.
Sir is what you’d have called a wealthy man of higher status than you – or anyone White if you were Black.
Sir and ma’am are used as terms of disrespect in the northeast, in many cases.
Yes. Even here in the Midwest I hear it far less often than the south.
I’m up north and I get sir’ed more now that I’ve transitioned and some people want to make a point of getting my pronouns wrong.
Otherwise yeah, it’s fairly unusual
In casual conversation? Definitely. But business/sales people use it just as much as anywhere
yes. i have a black friend who says yes maāam and yes sir all the time. he referred to a white man we had just met as āsirā. the white guy is from NY and was repulsed by the idea that anyone, especially a black man, would refer to him as āsirā. i said , dude, chill. this is the south, heās just being polite.
Yes maāam.
It is
It is more common in the South, but not complete unusual outside. Personally, I choose to say “sir” when I’m speaking with someone I don’t know. It’s an easy way to be respectful.
We use sir or maāam when you donāt know their name.
Iāve been called maāam since infancy so yeah.
Yes sir
Indiana here. I use them only for people who are at least as old as my parents when I donāt know their names. As in ācan I hold that door for you maāam?ā Or something like that.
Iām in my fifties and occasionally get maāamed by younger people and it doesnāt bother me at all. Itās better than calling me honey or something.
Oh hell no. Donāt call me those names. Iām not elderly!
Yes! I teach in CA and I once got a student from Texas. He called me maāam all the time! It was pretty cute but I was like 24 and he was 13 at the time so I was like āyou really donāt have to do thatā. Kids occasionally say āyes maāamā to me but you can always tell itās something theyāre expected to say at home. And thatās usually only one kid a year – if that! It feels like fake respect to me when I hear it because itās so rehearsed sounding.
He had impeccable manners as well.
Californian here, I have never called someone sir or maāam. Maybe my cat when heās being naughty.
If someone calls you āsirā or āmaāamā up here in Massachusetts, means they just donāt know your name. Itās extremely weird to hear those words otherwise.
I’m in Texas and “Excuse me, ma’am?” and so on is just the polite expected way to address a stranger. I’m actually wondering what they do in other parts of the country. “hey you?”
That would’ve gotten me in serious trouble growing up if my parents or especially one of my grandmothers heard it lol.
Pretty much. One of the few times you’ll hear it up north is if you’re informing the person that this is a Wendy’s. š
Where I grew up on the California coast we had 60-year-olds in surf hoodies and old hippies who we called dude. If someone said āsirā they were in some sort of a formal position of authority like a cop.
Born and raised in California.
I was a kid when Boomers were really hitting middle age and I feel like it was a pretty common thing to hear women losing their shit the first time they were called āmaāam.āĀ
So it felt like you were calling a grownup old. And I didnāt want to be seen as rude. It always felt weird because I used honorifics freely with Mexican family members.
For once, maybe someone will call me “sir” without adding “you’re making a scene”
https://external-preview.redd.it/Y8bsH-w5S9yYEgnAkA81ynHthoc3mKRW-Kfxgtc9828.jpg?width=640&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=5c3b97a6e2ce510b32738a387d2955ea57465908
Idk if this is a me thing or if it’s a regional thing (parents are from NY, but I grew up in NC so I don’t have a great frame of reference), but the only time I use sir/ma’am is if I’m annoyed with someone and I’m trying to be subtly patronizing. Ie, I basically only use it sarcastically.
Yes
These words are formal and used in business and not at home.
“Sir” used even less in the less high profile areas, for example when I was a young man in New York City, an employee in a retail store might address me as Sir, whereas in Western NY state, they don’t bother.
Yes very uncommon.
We also can use it but it’s more of a way to catch someone’s attention in public we don’t know.
Yes, absolutely true. Born and raised in the South and called a twenty something lady in California ‘Ma’am’. Got pretty upset with me.
Yes itās true. Around here (MA) if I hear someone use āsirā I assume they are or were in the military.
Never say it up by Chicago.
I’m from New England and my little brother who has been in the military for 10ish years uses “sir/ma’am” all the time and we make fun of him for it a lot. I use it when talking to animals and little kids because I think its funny. I like to use it in fake outrage, like “Excuse me, SIR??” I work in a preschool and people are always farting on me and that’s when it gets the most use. Also, like everyone has been saying, its used when you need to get a strangers attention. I try to use “miss” instead of “ma’am” though because TV has drilled it into my brain that “ma’am” is offensive, like on the level of hag or old crone. Also of course I use it sarcastically when someone tells me to do something.
Honestly growing up in PA – so north but kind of borderline- it was rare use in my area. I always thought it was rude to call people Sir and Maāam because it honestly only seems like assholes expected to be called that in media. The only family I know who used actually those phrases were my black neighbors. The dad expected the son to call him sir- and the son did call him that because he was terrified of his dad who definitely beat him. Just reinforced the idea that sirs and maāams are the worst.
If someone says “sir” to you in New England, it is usually followed by, “Keep your hands where I can see them and step out of the vehicle..”
In New England Sir is used exclusively sarcastically when someone who has no business ordering you around is trying to do soĀ
I think they’re more likely to be taken as condescending or sarcastic outside of the South
I live in New England no one calls me ma’am and I’m 43.
Basically not used at all in many parts of the US– in the Pacific Northwest a kid using sir or ma’m would likely be perceived as being sarcastic. (As long as you weren’t on a military base.) Also presumed addressed for elderly people, which some dislike. I’ve lived basically across the northern states from coast-to-coast over the years and generally speaking the only time I ever hear “sir” or “ma’m” is when someone is trying to get the attention of a waiter or a kid is being snotty.
Yes because there are a lot of phonies there. Southern Hospitality my ass. If you are black, Jewish, Catholic, gay or from north of the Mason Dixon line they showed me what Southern Hospitality really was.
Yes. I never call anyone sir or ma’am in a social setting.
In New York you usually only say āSirā or āMaāamā if youāre trying to get their attention. Like if they dropped something. āExcuse me, sir? You dropped your keys.ā
I don’t think I ever heard anybody say “Sir” or “Ma’am” in real life when I was growing up in New York State. For us, being polite was calling an older person Mr. (last name), or Ms./Mrs. (last name).
I’m from rural Upstate NY. Like, super agrarian, town of 900 people, grocery store is 30 minutes away rural. Having now lived in several other places in the US to include California and southeastern states, I can say that the culture was pretty generic “American redneck.”
However, I’m not sure I ever once heard “sir” or “ma’am” outside of movies until I moved south.
In the North and among some Northerners, calling them sir or ma’am is actually insulting. As in, it is seen as sarcastic. My dad didn’t like it because he didn’t want to bring military strictures into the house.
Absolutely. I never heard anyone called “Sir” or “Ma’am” in California except when it was done by a police officer or an official of the courts–or when it was done by someone attempting to get someone’s attention.
In the South, “Sir” and “Ma’am” are ingrained into the daily vocabulary.