I’m 23 and she’s 22. I pay our two bedroom apartment rent for 1800, internet 70, water 20, heat/electricity 75-100, her reserved parking space.. making out monthly non-negotiable bills to around 2,100.
I make 3680 after taxes and deductions.
So that’s 1580 after. Thankfully no car loan for me. I save at least 500 a month but I try for closer to 800-1000.
She hasn’t really worked for the entire time we’ve been together. I don’t care about that because she just got a job, and the past is the past. However she often brags about how many thousands of dollars she has in savings which is only even possible because I pay for the “life” bills. She still expects me to pay for her on multiple dates a month. I guess I am just slowly building resentment over this.
I should just bring this up to her. But it would be hard for her to suddenly pay a portion of rent I suspect after being used to not.
Comments
Login here to leave a comment
yes you should bring it up. I understand putting it off as it’s difficult but better now than later or even never.
She needs to start contributing financially. Only you two can decide if that’s 50/50 or whatever. But I think the free ride is over.
Don’t let these emotions stack up and have a discussion with her about it, and discuss how she can start help paying the stuff with you slowly, nothing wrong about doing it and it’ll give you peace of mind.
“Now that you’re employed we need to start splitting bills.”
This is a problem of your own making.
At some point your GF moved in with you, and instead of having a conversation about splitting rent and bills you said nothing and kept everything in your name.
Even now you’re seething in silence, meanwhile your GF has no idea because you’ve never had this conversation with her.
Should she have offered? Absolutely yes, or maybe she did in the early days and you said ‘no it’s fine’ to see chivalrous, who knows.
Have the conversation. If she’s reasonable she’ll agree, if not you’ve managed to bag yourself a mooch, up to you whether you continue with her or not.
If she’s bragging she needs to start paying or you need a better gf dude. Tbh all that money will have been a waste if you break up with her which sounds like she’s not keeper material
She should have started contributing immediately if she’s able.
Damn, She could at least not Brag about how much money She has lol and If She does have it, it is only fair if She pays what She can lol
I’m saying this and I’m a 25y women. I don’t really expect to be taked care by anyone. That century has ended lol
Talk to her. If she gets offended, cut her off (gently if you need to) and see if she REALLY loves you. -42f
She’s using you. Dont let it continue to go on, or it’s going to get worse. She couldn’t care less if you end up homeless as long as her life is made easier by you.
Yea that’s ruff bud, were the same age my wife is stay at home mom w 2 and I currently support as a should but even then without it being spoken once our kids are in school 50 percent of my burden in bills will be lifted but as you are not married nor have a stay at home homemaker that’s just a nono and you are basically paying a gf subscription dawg
Sounds like a hoe. She probably is taking advantage of you because if she really cared she would at least do some housework or take up maybe the smaller bills. The fact she makes you pay on dates is also a red flag and flaunting her savings as well. If you guys plan on getting married then you are just a form of stability until she can leave you with all the money she has saved up. Divorce being even more messy. Talk now and put rules because it’s your home and expect her to pay in something. If she disagrees then break up and tell her to leave. Don’t let yourself get used just because she gives hugs and kisses yet without any form of responsibility or commitment.
Dude. Speak up for yourself. Tell her split the rent. Or kick rocks. She’s going to save up 10k and leave you.
“Oh okay, since you’re working now and have so much saved up I need you to start contributing financially too.”
Nah, op wont do anything.
!remindme 3 months
Is she a partner, or a moocher?
She’s supposed to compliment your life, not complicate it… if she doesn’t feel that she needs to be a partner with you in the relationship, including finances, it’s on you to re-evaluate.
I would keep paying the rent and ask her to pay. All the other extra utilities, including groceries. Depending on how much money she’s making, you might still pay when you go out and hopefully she would treat you periodically
You’re simping. Youre only keeping her because you pay. It’s called a sugar baby in my generation. It won’t get better and she will leave for the next guy willing to simp.
she knows if you didn’t someone else would. women are pretty lucky.
Think long term. Do you want a partner that takes you for granted? That gloats about their successes without acknowledging how they’re able to succeed?
Do you want a partner that will refuse to help if you lost your job? Or help at all?
Do you want to date a relationship pillow princess?
Yes you should bring it up. If you don’t then you’re going to grow more and more resentful of this over time.
The kindest way of doing this is to tell her that you’re happy she found a job since paying all the expenses on your own was putting a strain on your finances and you’d like to talk about a fair way to split expenses. Show her a paper laying out the info in the first paragraph of your post.
There is no one right answer about who should be paying what. But the most common answers are 50/50 split of household expenses or splitting them on some percentage based on the ratio of one of your income to the other if one of you make a lot more than the other.
But I have a question for you: Has she ever asked, or offered, to cover some of the expenses? Does she ever offer to pay the bill when you eat out, but you a drink, or pay for something like concert or show tickets? If not then that is sort of a red flag.
It helps you both if you save more now.
Even if you don’t end up together/ outlast.
Good luck. Communicate better, last longer.
Bring it up and let her know that since she is now employed she needs to pay half of everything WTF
S I M P
Talk. to. her.
And if she doesn’t see reason throw her out. With a 30 days notice of course. Stop being a doormat – respectfully.
Why are you not discussing this with her? Is the sex just that fantastic that you are afraid it might end?
She must give REEEEEALY good bjs
You need to communicate. It’s healthy for relationships and in all aspects of life.
There is no good reason why both of you should not be contributing to household financial obligations if you both have the means to do so.
You definitely need to talk to her and she needs to contribute. If she is unwilling, she is not marriage worthy so best to slowly cut her out and find a more supportive partner.
Run Buddy!
Your money are her money, her money are her money.
She is not a partner, she is…
Slowly building resentment??? Time for a Frank talk about her needing to grow up and become an adult
Don’t be surprised if she dumps you after this conversation. She is selfish and self centered. She has her savings and will find another, richer boyfriend.
Grow a spine and have discussions with her about her fair share
Dude wtf
Um. No. That’s not how relationships work. What you seem to have is someone who looks for sugar daddies.. because most relationship partners will ask to help pay. Being in a relationship is supposed to mean teamwork in between both parties.
Oh man she either knows this and is using your or she is completely unaware. Bring it up. Show her the numbers on paper.
If she is fair and understanding she will be willing to pay without fuss. My girlfriend lived with me for an entire year before she started paying. About 9 months in of that year I mentioned help paying bills, I gave her a year to save up a lot. When I finally asked how much she had saved she said like nothing. So she agreed to pay me $400/month and I would just save it. No issues she agreed it was fair for her to pay and I offered that small amount as she doesn’t make nearly as much as I do and I haven’t touched that money yet.
If you don’t address it, then you only have yourself to blame.
Split your bills brother. You’re not her father.
This is the conversation where she’s about to show you who she truly is. Good Luck
Hookers are cheaper than what you have.Get out before she gets pregnant
You know you should. Sit down with your list of monthly expenses.
Say if we divide in half heres what you owe monthly. If she makes considerably less take that into account.
If she whines, crys, throws shade or becomes argumentive, take a break from one another and not make a big deal. Just leave her to sit in her emotions.
Next time you speak is when you decide how to proceed. She may threaten with a break up…which will be fine because you already afford everything. ….but she may come back and reasonably agree it’s time to split the bills.
Good luck.
The hard part, if you’re like me, is to allow her to be by herself with emotions. But that’s the most important part.
Break up and kick her out. You are resenting her and she doesn’t know how life works while bragging about her savings while not paying a bill.
The resentment won’t go away on its own
Women like this are disgusting. I’m sorry. It’s pathetic. I can’t imagine being dependent on a man.
it’s completely fair to feel resentful when she’s bragging about savings you enabled while you’re stretching your budget thin. Bring it up now before the bitterness grows. If she balks, that tells you everything.
Giving your girlfriend wife benefits. Of course she’s not going to appreciate it. I understand being a provider but the fact she has a job and is completely capable of helping out and she’s choosing not to says a lot.
Fuck that. She’s freeloading and bragging about it. Cut her off or live with the situation you yourself created.
U guys are young . Now she has a job she needs to pitch in, doesn’t need to be much but maybe like $500 bucks
Leave herrrr find a room for 600$ and stack
Everyone here already gave you the best advice ever: Talk to her about it.
But, be prepared to get attacked and be prepared for her feelings to be hurt. She’s gonna feel attacked and judged, so use careful words.
Also, be prepared to dump a free-loader if she turns out to be a spoiled brat.
Sit down together with a spreadsheet
Tell her she should plan a big vacation for you guys
Finance is one of the cornerstones of a ltr. The sooner you understand that, the better you’ll be.
It’s something to communicate with her about, not Reddit.
If you don’t intend to be her sugar daddy then yeah bring it up
Well, if you want to put the “is she using me” bug to rest then you can start out small. Monthly dates are now going out into the living room for PB&J sandwiches and cookies. Because going out is more than just paying to eat at a restaurant, it’s also gas money. If she doesn’t like that then she’s more than welcome to start funding. You have to cut it off somewhere. She most likely grew up this way but the more you continue to enable it the worse you’re going to feel about yourself because you’re watering a garden just for someone else to enjoy the flowers without putting in the work as well
My guy, you have ZERO boundaries. and ZERO assertiveness. that’s why your gf is acting like a fucking leech.
You let her.
Make changes NOW.
Bud nobody should be paying for someone’s life at that income.
She gon be one of those girls that always expects her bills to be paid
This is incredibly unfair to you!!! Frankly, it’s a mentality that I would not recommend staying with as it will only get worse. You want a partner, not a dependent.
On the upside, I’m available to be taken care of. 😉 (joking)
You should adult up and have a conversation. She is not your child, she should be splitting bills with you, ideally proportionally to each other’s income. If she gets upset or refuses, then you know what kind of relationship you’re in. She should be so grateful that you gave her that cushion with no expenses before she started working.
I’m a little shocked you never talked about this when you moved into together.
50-50 or get out!
Bring it up, privilege is sometimes invisible to those that have it.
She’s a golddigger
No one … except maybe your mama if she was good to you, gets a free ride forever! The two of you should sit down and develop the list of must have living expenses as you have started here. Income based percentages should be contributions to a household account for living expenses. As adults individually you can distribute your remaining funds as you desire, e.g., entertainment, savings, vacations. I am sure you are growing resentful… I would too. Heck, if I am cleaning and your @$$ is on the couch – you better find something to contribute – same applies to expenses you better contribute.
If you don’t bring it up, this is the rest of your life, or at least until you break up….
Definitely bring it up!! She needs to be chipping in on everything! She’s using you to fund her life, while she makes bank.
What do you do? Just curious
She is going to suck you dry mate.
Ya, it’s ‘hard’ to ‘suddenly’ start paying bills when you become a grown adult and aren’t having everything paid for by your parents but it’s what adults do..
Time to introduce your girlfriend to being an adult
She’s mooching off you and may or may not realize it. It seems you can’t get ahead equally. Relationship are on equality and supporting each other. I would bring it up and start making her pay her fair share. If she refuses, break up and kick her out.
To be completely honest I think she’s using you and you should dump her.
Since it’s your decision though, if you stay with her and talk to her, it should be setting firm boundaries that she needs to contribute 50/50 to bills. If you stick with it, I wouldn’t be shocked if she turns around and dumps you. It sounds like she wants a sugar daddy not an equal relationship. The fact that she hasn’t been working all this time is concerning. It sounds like you are draining yourself dry to fund her lifestyle. If you were a rich man I wouldn’t critisize you for playing sugar daddy, but it doesn’t sound like you have the means to be having a trophy girlfriend. So you should stop. Whether you dump her or keep the relationship, you need to stop destroying your financial future for no good reason.
She’s an adult. She can work and is currently working. She can contribute to bills. There’s no reason to have this setup.
I’d be definitely swapping for something more equal otherwise you will be working for her lifestyle.
Next time say, speaking of that money, when are you going to be an adult and start paying your side of things?
Dejame adivinar….la mitad de lo que estas pagando, va a ser todo su sueldo, me gustaria ver la cara que pone cuando le cuentes que en la pareja soys dos, y hay que ir al 50%. Mucho animo y tienes que hacerlo ahora y dejarlo claro, si no…..maletas y de vuelta con su madre.
The sooner you have the discussion, the better off you’ll be. If she does not make what you make you can divide things 60/40 or something like that. But you need to find out if she just wants you for the money or if she is willing to be a partner. If she won’t contribute then separate.
Bro, nowadays if you want to keep a woman, you’re better off not even bringing it up. I know what your intentions are, I’ve been there. You think it’s going to be a simple conversation, trust me, it won’t lol. I’ve been there and done that. Keep having fun, maybe tell her to chill out on the posts 😂🤣 she’s definitely feeling herself but overall sounds like very ditzy female behavior lol
Bring it up today bro.
She has the money ask her to contribute. If she says no, she’s using you. Tell her to go find another sugar daddy and leave her.
Yes now that she has a job she needs to contribute to y’all’s living expenses, it’s only fair. Your resentment towards her not contributing while she saves all her money will only build up.
You do need to bring it up. If you don’t, you will become resentful. Addionallly, it’s unfair that her savings is growing far more rapidly to your detriment. People who don’t pay rent at their parents and then move out manage to adjust to adult responsibilities, there’s no reason she can’t.
She will likely never appreciate it until she learns to struggle on her own.
It’s totally reasonable to ask her to pay for some now that she has a job. It’s unreasonable for her to expect dates on top of everything else when you’re not rich. That is assuming she knows your income amount and such. Bring it up to her gently ‘ive noticed some emotions in me and I don’t want them to escalate so before things become a big deal, can we please talk about bills/dates and such’
Absolutely bring it up. Apparently what’s yours is hers and what’s hers is hers too. A partnership is supposed to be a two-way relationship, and this behavior does not bode well if it goes further into marriage.
Shes milking you
Do you sit down regularly and show her a spreadsheet, ledger or piece of paper of all your expenses and income?
Make a list of expenses that you cover in detail and her contributions.
Take her income and take 33% of each bill for now and charge her that amount.
In 6 months when she’s got a stable income take that to 50%
If you want to be adults and play house, you have to create house rules.
I can understand why you feel resentful.
Time to have a conversation with her about contributing to the rent. It isn’t going to be harder for her to “suddenly pay a portion of rent” than it is for you to continue paying for everything while she brags about piling up savings.
Hell, if I were you I’d even consider not bothering to discuss this with her, and just dropping her altogether.
How long have you been together?
Yes definitely, each should pay exactly what they afford, if you make 10% more than her, you should pay 10% more. Or you can have a different agreement that everyone is happy with. Don’t delay this, it will ruin the relationship
you can’t possibly give your gf a life that’s hurting your chances of making better savings. it’s becoming a problem, she needs to realise you’re not rich. i understand that’s great that you’re taking care of her, but would be nice to have a honest conversation showing your finances, if she’s mature, she will understand
Resentment only grows with time. Have the talk before it’s too late
Bro wtf. Don’t waste money on girlfriends save that shit for your wife and family.
Split those bills. If she leaves, good shit you found out she’s a shitty person.
Then STOP funding her entire life.
She needs to start paying for utilities and her own parking spots and split groceries!
Financials, personal budgets, take planning and discipline. Communicaiton is key to understand each own’s limits.
Ask her to pay her part.
Common paying over 1000$ in this economy while you make 3.5k and you are not just unappreciated but humbled? Especially when she has a job now. What’s wrong with you? Dump her, she is neither your kid nor your wife. You are being used. 23 is too young to tolerate this and too old to be this naive. Save up for yourself and for someone who’s worthy of it. All this after having a conversation ofcourse but something tells me it’s not gonna go well
Mate you bring this to her attention and if she puts up a fuss you kick her out, she isn’t your dependent she’s your partner
Yes – bring it up. Now that she’s working, she can contribute based income- doesn’t have to be 50/50 , but she can cover utilities and split groceries at a minimum. That is beyond generous. If she refuses, stop allowing her to live for free. You can save much more paying for one person versus two
That is unlikely to improve as time goes by.
She’s got a job. Time for her to pay some of those bills.
This relationship will not last if you don’t talk about finances and her contributing fairly. This is not 1930s.
You aren’t dating anymore. You’re partners. So you need to have partner-level discussions and agreements. Lay it out for her.
I’ve been there with multiple relationships my friend. And all I can say is I wish I started therapy earlier. Talk to chatgpt and or a human therapist and work out all your thoughts, feelings, motivations etc. Everyone is different and no one can give you the “right” solution. It’s about you coming to understand yourself in your context, and then navigating to a life you find satisfying.
Marriage is a partnership. It’s not all financial it might be splitting cooking and someone does bathrooms and someone does the garbage etc. If there is appropriate effort on all sides then the partnership works. If it’s imbalanced then it’s destined to fail. My suggestion is look at all the facets of the relationship is it equal? great! if not then you need to have a discussion with your partner. If that doesn’t help then perhaps that isn’t the person you need to be with.
Finances can be really difficult, especially when there is a major income difference. But since she does have a job now, she needs to start contributing.
What my partner and I do is we try to use percentages to figure out what’s fair. For example: we both contribute 32% of our separate incomes to go towards our rent. So even though I pay more, it’s the same share of the pie for both of us.
And for random expenses we talk through them as they come up.
If you love her I don’t want to pull the “red flag alarm” or anything because this is probably something you can learn and talk through since you’re both so young. But when you do talk to her about this, I would stress to her that this is something that has to be resolved in order to have a long term relationship.
If the scenario was reversed… « Girl leave that man he ain’t shit » Brother you’re a getting use and that person doesn’t love you. As a man you’re a supposed to be the provider but what are you getting in return from that relationship?
Definitely a conversation worth having
She should have offered to help pay the bills immediately. Has she expressed gratitude for you taking care of her prior to her getting a job? She just sounds immature to me.
Question: during the time she hasn’t worked who has being doing the house chores? Cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes…If it has been her, then she has been working you just didn’t pay her directly. Google the cost per month of a live in maid and personal chef.
If that’s the case you also haven’t appreciated that she is organizing yours allowing you just go to work and come home to a clean house where you can relax, now if you are going to ask her to pay up then all those chores need to be done on your end, without her telling you what is needed to be done.
Only then you can talk about splitting the bills.
She can pay for the food and entertainment? She should try to free up some of your money for you. If not she should do all the cooking and cleaning and see if that works for you.
She will continue to leech off of you until you stop supporting her. Have a serious conversation with her and if she doesn’t start contributing to your lives, put the fire under her and take the money away. A loving partner who cares about you will want to support you too.
Bring up finances and let her know she will half to contribute to the household income. If she won’t, then you don’t have a gf, you have a leech.
Here’s the thing, good Sir: you can have a partner, and support each other to be stronger than you each are by your self, or you can have a dependent.
A partner can be trusted; a dependent cannot.
Choose wisely.
You don’t have a girlfriend
You have a live in prostitute.
Man up buddy.
Sugar daddy. Not a title I’d want.
Bring it up and give her 90 days to get a job and start contributing. Keep in mind, you let this happen for however long this has been going on. You have every right to feel resentful but she’s not a mind reader. Or maybe she knows exactly what she is doing and takes advantage. Be careful with your wording. Take some of the blame. If she puts up a fight or gives excuses, then maybe the best choice is for her to move back home or someplace that is not your place.
She may have no idea about living expenses. You are both young. Has she ever had roommates and had to pay part of the rent and bills? If she hasn’t, and no one has taught her then lay the bills out on a table and explain it to her. You’ll probably need to print them out since everything is paperless. Being able to visualize it may help her to understand. Good luck. Money discussions will always be part of serious relationships. This may be a learning experience for both of you. Good luck!
She doesn’t appreciate it because you’re a simp. She can live rent free while contributing nothing because there is no fear this can be taken away
Just because you pay all the bills don’t mean someone will appreciate or be loyal to you. Also how long you know her? What’s her future is she going to college.
It’s better you bring it up to her with a reasonable plan because you also have to think about yourself. What happens in the tragic event you two fall break up she will have benefited unfairly additionally if she is reluctant to contribute towards essential bills then I would tell her to get her own place or move out for the simple fact that she is benefiting exponentially off of you and you aren’t getting a weight releviated from your shoulders at the end of the day if she buys car for example yes you contributed mostly towards that savings but she ultimately it is hers because of your own decisions. Also in the event she doesn’t want to contribute explain to her it’s not much of an option you aren’t getting the man of the house and don’t let a female run your world you aren’t getting very young actually too young to no be able to save and invest for your own future I really hope you read this comment.
Look everyone here is all saying split it 59
dump her, she just wants a free ride.
You should define your roles now. Or be resentful for the life of the relationship. Introduce her to Remit Sethi. He discusses couples sharing experiences in a really practical way.
She have to suck it so damm good….
Once OP loses his job she’s going to leave with the money she saved up.
You don’t make enough income to support 2 people. Ask her to start paying some of the bills and contribute towards the household.
Do it proportionally, doesn’t have to be 50/50 necessarily. She shouldn’t be bragging about it though, sounds very disrespectful.
keep it up. thats how a men is , taking care of things. well done.