As the title says, I will be weighing myself for the first time in over 8 months tomorrow morning. Monday seems to be the unspoken official day to start a diet.
I was clearing out some junk around the house last week and stepped on my old bathroom scale to see if it even still worked. OF FREAKING COURSE it errored out bc my weight exceeds the capacity (>375 lb). I have not been to the doctor since late August when I was recovering from a hysteroscopy, polypectomy, a D&C, and getting an IUD “installed” to stop my periods. Leading up to that I gained about 50 pounds bc I was so bloated with excess fluid and extremely anemic. The surgery intake nurses put me on one of those bariatric scales (the ones built into the floor) and I was shocked to see it said 420 pounds. š°
Although my weight has been yo-yoing between 300 and 400 pounds most of my adult life, thanks to PCOS, Insulin Resistance, and Hypothyroidism, I promised myself years ago that I would NEVER let myself get above 400 pounds. Yet here I am. I feel like shit all the time. I have been eating way too much DoorDash for the last year bc I became so sick that I could barely bathe myself, let alone cook a meal. Now I am just used to not cooking anything at all. I honestly cannot remember the last time I cooked a meal in my kitchen.
I ordered a new smart scale online a few days ago that has a weight capacity of 500 pounds. I am terrified of what that number will say in the morning, but it also may be the kick in the ass I desperately need to get started on getting my life back in order. Unfortunately with so many hormonal issues, a crash starvation diet is all that works for me, so I have a rough road ahead.
Thanks for letting me vent, friends. š
P.S. In case you are wondering, I have not been to the doctor in so long bc I was unhappy with my last PCP for various reasons, and the crap last summer was the final straw (you don’t refer an obese patient to the bariatric clinic when she complains of menstrual bleeding and extreme fatigue for 6+ months, you refer her to an OB/GYN). I “fired” her a few months ago, and sort of have decision paralysis with finding a new PCP bc all the good ones are taken. I have also been attempting to see an endocrinologist for a full hormone workup (never had one done). So far have not found a reputable one in my area who is accepting new patients. I will get seen eventually, maybe!
Comments
Remember: it’s just a data point. It says nothing about your value or self worth. And it is a changeable data point and you’re already committed to working on it.
Given your various conditions (PCOS, Insulin resistance, hypothyroidism) you could be a really good candidate for GLP-1 meds. They are know to correct for all 3 of those issues. And then you wouldn’t have to starve yourself, which I believe would only make things worse for you in the long run. r/antidietGLP1 is a good sub to read about it if you’d like.
If you have PCOS, hypothyroidism, and insulin resistance get the meds for those conditions.
No matter how much willpower I had, until I took care of my underlying health issues I couldn’t lose weight. Lots of doctors suck, but my endocrinologist has been a sweetheart.
A crash starvation diet is not only not the only thing that will work for you, it will just make things worse. I donāt want to offer unsolicited advice but I am in a VERY similar situation and I urge you to find a new GP before resorting to severe restricting
Oh, OPā¦ if it makes you feel better, Iāve been avoiding checking my credit card bill and bank accounts for a long time – I know itās bad, just not how bad, and Iām terrified of finding out. I have to do something about it tomorrow or Iāll be in (even bigger) trouble.
One quote thatās a bit cheesy but i find very true in these situations is: āitās simple, but itās not easy.ā The actual task – weighing yourself, or checking your accounts – is simple, but itās definitely not easy. On the surface of it, it seems so silly not to do this one simple thing, and then to beat yourself up for it, but itās actually fucking hard.
I also think to myself: imagine how good itāll feel in a few months, or years, or however long it takes, to see the new number and remember how far i came. You canāt be proud of yourself for the progress youāve made if you donāt know where you started from!
It sounds like youāve had quite a rough time with health issues and providers, and also like youāre being quite hard on yourself generally. I know itās easier said than done, but itās time to forgive yourself and be kind to yourself. Ordering takeaways is been a big problem for me too; it also started when I was ill and physically couldnāt cook, but itās quite literally become an addiction ever since, and has contributed to my financial issues. It makes me feel like Iām failing at life, but I have to remind myself itās literally designed for us to become reliant on it, and addicted to it.
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
Give yourself grace – it sounds like youāve had a heck of a year! And although it sounds cheesy try and motivate yourself through love and the positive things you are moving toward and not shame that will only ultimately sabotage you.
The other good news is that if you mostly been eating out simple eating in will automatically cut a huge amount of calories from your diet. Lots of really easy crock pot and air fyer/oven recipes that donāt require much prep at all. You got this!Ā