I [32F] had to end a 7 year relationship with my partner [33M], and it’s been the hardest thing I’ve had to do. We had a comfortable life, he’s my best friend. He’s kind, he’s funny, he has a huge heart, and we get along really well.
But at a point I realized that it just didn’t feel right. We lacked emotional depth, we didn’t have much intimacy, we were complacent together, we didn’t have shared goals. It felt like I had to stifle my growth because he wasn’t wanting to grow along with me. It was hard to communicate my emotional needs to him, and always felt like I had a gag around my throat anytime I tried.
I did express myself a couple of times, and I cried for help in obvious ways that he ignored (and later acknowledged). And then I ripped the bandage off, and he really didn’t see it coming. I hurt him a lot, even though he recognized later that the signs had been there.
We’ve since been living together the past couple months while I figure out moving out. We’ve kept up our friendship, we talk, we laugh, we eat together. It almost feels the same as it did before we broke up, which shows how broken we were all along. I’m working on it, but I’m so blocked in trying to get myself to actually move and leave my home, my best friend, my comfort, half of my life and identity for so many years .. it’s devastating and painful. Even though I know in my heart and my gut that we aren’t right together, it’s crippling to take this step.
I guess I’m just looking for some advice on breaking up with someone who was good, but maybe just not good for me?
Its been expressed to me that I should just accept that no relationship is perfect, and that I would be better off accepting how things are with him. That I need to fix myself because I could have got through that void – a good, kind man is hard to come by. I reject this, and feel like it’s a disservice to us both, but Im wondering if I’m dragging this out because I partially believe that to be true and I’m sabotaging myself.
I’m just hurting and any advice would be much appreciated.