I’m a 26 year old guy, currently 250 pounds at 5 feet, 9 inches. I’ve lost 25 pounds so far this year after finally having consistent weight loss success for the first time in years. My goal weight is 175 pounds and I actually think it’s possible by the time I turn 27 in December.
My primary motivation is to look better and improve my dating life. Honestly it’s the only reason. I’ve never had a dating life, and I’ve never been attractive. Never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl. A lot of it is due to my weight, both the physical unattractiveness and the lack of confidence and self esteem that comes with it. I experience shame and anxiety surrounding my inexperience every single day. Most days it’s the first thing I think of when I wake up. I feel like I’ve wasted so much time being fat.
I’m trying to focus on the weight loss until I get close to my goal, meaning I’m trying not to worry about dating. I just need to know if there’s light at the end of the tunnel. I’m worried the weight loss won’t matter because of my inexperience. I’ll be the 27 year old guy with zero experience and when women find out they’ll think something is wrong with me and reject me, resulting in me never gaining the experience.
Am I worrying for nothing? Will my dating life actually improve or has the ship sailed?
Comments
Dude, there are fat guys who get chicks. What needs to change is your self-esteem and confidence. Losing weight is good, and it will improve your self-esteem. Don’t worry about the fact that you haven’t had relationships before. Plenty of people are late bloomers, and any woman you would want to be in a relationship with will be fine with the idea that you haven’t had much experience yet.
Fucking insanely better, but it’s not the whole story. If you have absolutely no charisma it still won’t work, there has to be some baseline
But yeah, going from 250 to 175 would rocket your dating life up in a general sense
I just saw this briefly on New. I am younger than you and probably have less experience than you, and I can’t give an in-depth response; but I will say this. As depressing it might sound, society does treat you a lot differently based on your looks, a lot more than you would think and a lot more than anyone would like to admit. So to answer your question quickly; yes, but it’s a lot more nuanced than that (personality, etc) and not everyone thinks the same.
As a woman, I’ve dated all kinds of men. I’m fatter than you and I’ve dated men smaller than me, fatter than me, shorter than me, and taller than me.
Absolutely NONE of that matters if: 1. You have a shit personality and 2. You have some unhealed issues and haven’t done therapy and are trying to bring those into the relationship.
Most of the women I know are not going to date a skinny man who treats them like garbage solely because he’s skinny.
Work on yourself in ALL ways.
Think of yourself as a product u market , if u change the packaging for your product it definitely will effect the target audience u are marketing too
> I’m worried the weight loss won’t matter because of my inexperience. I’ll be the 27 year old guy with zero experience and when women find out they’ll think something is wrong with me and reject me, resulting in me never gaining the experience.
I of course don’t want to speak on behalf of all women but trust me when I say this, women aren’t like that. I know you’ll occasionally come across some very shallow girls when you’re younger, but from my experience women just don’t think like that at all. As long as you don’t make your lack of experience your identity then I think the majority of women would have no issue. If you’re honest about what’s happened in your life they will show you compassion in return.
It’ll make you more attractive but it’s not a silver bullet.
I lost 50-ish pounds right around my 30th birthday. I had no dating life before; I still don’t have one now. Could be I’m unattractive for other reasons, but no one has shown interest in finding out.
What is your method for weight loss? I’m around the same weight and I also struggle with weight loss. After my partner passed away last year I put on like 60 lbs
Congratulations on the weight loss, but don’t let that be your only motivation for losing weight. If a girl truly likes you it shouldn’t matter if your bigger or smaller, everyone is so caught up on what the perfect body is and I see so many just fixated on looks, not personally, looks will fade, just keep doing what your doing, have confidence & the right girl will find you whether your 250 or 175
It’ll make first impressions easier, for sure. And even better than the weight loss itself is the self-confidence that may come from it, and the discipline you’re developing which you can use to improve other parts of your life too.
If you want to amp all that up even more, take up social dance. West Coast Swing is very popular in your age group, though certainly not easy; but you can do it if you commit and work at it. Latin, ballroom, Argentine tango, and blues are all good too — see what’s available in your area, and try them all. Then pick one and stick with it. In a couple of years, you’ll be half-decent at it, and you will have gained even more confidence, plus gotten a lot of experience interacting with women in respectful but enjoyable ways. (Do NOT use the dance studio as a place to pick up women — but you will develop friendships and social skills there that will certainly increase your dating opportunities.)
Yeah it’s hopeless. You’ve seen 40 Y.O. Virgin right? Sorry bro.
Now jokes aside, how you look could help your dating chances, sure. Don’t let anyone tell you differently – you’ll achieve better results with more physical attraction.
That being said, you touched on the two main issues in your post, almost as an afterthought, when they’re the main points you should be focusing on.
Confidence, anxiety.
In other words social ineptness with women.
Guys weighing in at 150 have this problem too, not just heavy people.
Girls have this problem in reverse as well.
It’s called being human.
The first thing I want you to do is wake up and tell yourself every day that you are good enough, as you are. Try to look in the mirror and love that guy. He’s the only thing you got.
Be easy on yourself man. We’re all human here. From Brad Pitt to me to you.
You want to lose weight that’s awesome. Do it for yourself. But you have got to accept yourself, whatever form you see looking back at you. Only THEN will a partner accept you, too.
Good luck man and remember.. be nice to yourself.
It’s the best decision you can possibly make for dating. Not because of the physical weight loss, but because mentally you will feel extremely accomplished and fulfilled and confident. It’s a night and day diffrence that effects all things not just relationships you go from being perpetually unsure of yourself to just going for it without hesitation. The mental benefits outweigh (pun intended) the physical ones.
A lot. It will be easier.
You still need a personality but a fit body opens Doors that wouldve remained closed otherwise.
You’ll get down to 175 and then be self conscious about your height. I don’t mean to be mean I’m just saying that it’s more about your attitude and self talk than your weight which isn’t that bad
Another 50#
Oh wait. Another from 225, wow. You need another 75-85# to be able to sit in a uber
>im worried the weight loss won’t matter
Do it for health purposes instead and it absolutely will matter. Will your dating life change? Probably. But don’t do it for that sole reason
It won’t. No woman wants to be involved with this sad sack, entirely self-involved, navel-gazing, incel-adjacent, endlessly whiny crap. None.
Don’t lose the weight for others.
Do it for you.
Reading what you wrote made me think this guy isn’t going to find the happiness he wants after losing the weight. It will improve the packaging. But it’s your job to improve the interior. You’ve got to put in the work to fix your mentality, your pain, and your trauma on the inside. There are enough examples of unattractive men with attractive women.. and it’s always because of confidence and personality. If you have the determination to get physically fit, you can get mentally fit and be the best version of yourself.
I recommend picking up a new hobby! It’s a great way to meet new people (not just romantic interests) and you automatically have something to talk about. Take a cooking class ( great way to continue your wellness path). Or start hiking? You could be chopping up a salad next to your future wife.
Good luck!
It depends on what you’re into. Losing all that weight will definitely help your dating life but the women will most likely be shallow. Not saying all women that care about looks are shallow but a lot of them are. If you were to find the right person and you guys clicked on an emotional level and the personalities matched, the weight wouldn’t matter. There are a lot of women like this as well.
If you’re looking to hook up with chicks then yeah you should be good, just be careful when you’re out there in the wild.
Edit: Confidence is everything though, women like confident men. So, if this weight loss journey improves your confidence and you get out there and assert yourself you will attract the right type of woman.
Good luck and good job on the weight loss