17F here, and, to get straight to the point.. I feel too ugly for anything, like, quite literally anything.
Dressing up for halloween? Too ugly. Defending myself at all? I cant because im ugly. Doing quite literally anything at all ever? im not allowed because I’m ugly. This mindset cripples me every single day. I dont know what it is, but it’s been this way for months. I do have OCD, anxiety, and depression if this adds any more context.
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it is probably stemming from a combination of those three things. if you have a therapist I think you should bring it up with them for professional advice, but in my own experience, the only way out is through. if you’re ugly do it ugly, if you’re scared do it scared- it’ll be scary for a while, but seeing that you CAN in fact do the things you want to will help. it also helped me personally to try to find something to compliment in as many people as I could, whether I had the courage to voice it or not, everywhere I went- it sound a little counterintuitive, and if you struggle a lot with comparing yourself to others it may not be the best for you, but it really helped me to see that people are much kinder than we think, even if that person is us
Also, just a note from an internet parent… try to put the phone more often… scrolling on social media feeds definitely can make you feel bad about yourself… unless you fully understand that what you’re seeing online (in terms of photos of peers) is mostly fake… its filtered and photo shopped! That’s not what real people look like. Real people have pores and blemishes on their skin… unperfect hair and stray hairs on their heads!
Try to put the phone down more and try doing something with your hands to keep you active… (like crafting or crocheting or knitting)
Nobody is too ugly. Start exercising and getting sunshine.
Beauty standards change dramatically from decade to decade, let alone from century to century.
The thing is, what you’re describing is not rational so it’s going to be difficult to use rationality to get out of this mindset.
So find one thing, just one, that you love about yourself. It can be your hair, your nose, your chin, your toe. It doesn’t matter. Just find one thing that you love and remind yourself of that thing at least once a day. Remind yourself of it whenever the other voice tells you you’re ugly. “Well, all of this may be a train wreck but I have this one fingernail that looks amazing.”
You have to build up a counterbalance to the voice telling you you aren’t good enough.
It’s called having an ego and you probably will grow out of it, unless you choose to stay in this mindset. The fact is, it doesn’t matter. No one cares how ‘ugly’ you are, or aren’t. And it literally doesn’t matter. Get over yourself, accept that the human body is beautiful in all it’s forms and it’s what’s on the INSIDE that matters. You can do things to improve your physical body, like being active and healthy. This will generally improve your looks, but looks are also completely subjective. If you aren’t working in the you that’s inside, you can be model level beautiful and still be ugly. Wasting time on your looks over enjoying anything in your life will slowly rob you of important time. Get over it, get over yourself. You’re not that special, everyone feels ugly sometimes, move on. There are SO MANY THINGS THAT ARE MORE IMPORTANT. You wanna feel like you’re a catch? Act like it and you will be. It really is that easy.
Take yourself out of this for a second. Would you ever tell another human they are too ugly for Halloween or they couldn’t defend themself because they are ugly? Would you ever think that about someone else? You don’t seem like the type to do that.
So, Any time you start to think that about yourself, say out loud “I don’t treat people like this. It is not true”.
Also, anytime you want to make a self deprecating joke, switch it so it as oh I’m so great at this. (Even said sarcastically you can still make the joke). Your mind believes what it hears.
Also try writing three positives about yourself each night before bed and read them out loud. (Again your mind has to hear it). If you start to spiral read them out loud again.
You are worthy of kindness.
My sister has “classic” beauty. Her features are well defined and balanced. Compared to her, I was ugly. My sister was also selfish and petty, while I learned how to handle conflict and was often our family’s peacekeeper.
Concentrate on your talents and don’t worry about things you can’t control.
You mentioned:
OCD – You may be detail oriented. There are many skills and careers that require this.
Anxiety – This is normal for teens and young adults. It can help you if you use it to imagine problems and brainstorm solutions. Look into the Operational Risk Management process.
Depression – You’ve been concentrating on negatives. Try spending 5 or 10 minutes every evening to think about good stuff that happened that day, or in the recent past. Talking to a therapist can help, and your family doctor or school counselor can help you find someone, if you need it.
You definitely need to speak to a therapist. I’m not gonna gaslight you and tell you physical appearance is meaningless – we all know it isn’t. But most of those things you mentioned have literally nothing to do with how attractive you are. And, in my experience, virtually everyone who views themself as “ugly” is, at WORST, about average. Average is not bad. Average is most people, most of whom go through life without their appearance ever having a meaningful effect on them.
I will tell you this – how much value YOU place on physical appearance, both your own AND others, WILL have an impact on how you get on in life. I’m almost 40, and 20 plus years into adulthood, I can promise you, overvaluing physical appearance serves NO one well. I see women my age panicking about going grey, getting plastic surgery, GLP-1s for 15 lbs of extra weight, etc. They are not happy. They are not focused on things that are important in their life. They are filled with insecurity and fear of aging. I have none of that, and I am so grateful my younger self didn’t fall down that rabbit hole.
I know that it most likely isn’t this, because the chance of this being a fact is pretty small percentage (literally close to 0.7% likely), but is there any chance at all you might be trans and experiencing dysphoria?
To be clear, being trans doesn’t always mean the gender opposite of assigned sex at birth, but rather ANY gender not in line with sex at birth. It’s possible you don’t feel like you look good no matter what you do, because you present yourself incorrectly.
You could try a few things out just in case. The answer will probably be apparent to you pretty quickly. It doesn’t hurt to try. Just an option, if you are out of other options.