A year and a half ago, I got out of a high school relationship and was in a phase of confusion, hurt, and seeking attention from women. During that time, I met a girl—Brooklyn—who genuinely liked me. We talked for about a semester and a half in college, went on a few dates, and decided to date officially. She was different from anyone I’d known, and I started to develop real feelings for her. After about four months of talking, I asked her out, and a week into being official, I made a huge mistake—I cheated on her.
As soon as it happened, I felt overwhelming remorse. I confessed everything to her, and she chose to forgive me. Since then, I have been loyal, and we’ve now been together for a year. I love her deeply. She is an incredible person, and I truly believe she’s the one I want to spend my life with.
However, despite her forgiveness, I can’t seem to forgive myself. The guilt consumes me, and whenever I think about the trust she places in me, I feel undeserving. I know I will never cheat again, but I can’t shake the feeling that she deserves someone who didn’t make such a significant mistake in the early days of our relationship. I’m struggling between working through this guilt and wondering if I should end things so she can find someone who doesn’t have this burden. I don’t want to lose her, but I also feel inadequate.
On top of everything, I grew up with a dad who used drugs and repeatedly cheated on my mom. His passing eight months ago was a harsh reminder of who I don’t want to be, but it has also added to the shame I feel about myself.
Comments
Talk directly with her about this.
Put a different spin on it …
You are correct … you don’t deserve her forgiveness … it’s a gift she has given to you … accept that fact and use it for what it is … a hard learned lesson that left an emotional scar … physical scars remind us of when we did stupid stuff and are a reminder not to do them again.
If this is your forever person … keep trying to make it up to her for the rest of your life and you’ll be good … let that be the backstop that keeps you from complacency.