I lie about being busy just so I don’t have to show up. People think I have this packed life full of plans and responsibilities, but the reality is that I spend most of my time alone, doing nothing significant. I say I have errands, work stuff, family obligations whatever sounds believable because I can’t bring myself to say, “I’m just too mentally exhausted to be around anyone right now.” It’s not even about disliking the people who invite me out; sometimes I really do want to see them. But when the time comes, I feel this heavy resistance, like a wall goes up, and I can’t move past it. I’m not tired in the physical sense, just emotionally worn down, like I’m constantly trying to keep it together in front of the world. And pretending to be busy is easier than trying to explain that. I don’t want to seem like I’m pushing people away, but solitude is the only thing that doesn’t drain me. I wish I could be honest about that without feeling like I’m letting everyone down.
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I dealt with this too except I had medically diagnosed depression. It’s so, so easy to fall into the routine of staying home alone and doing nothing. Have you spoken with a medical professional about any of this? Or is just more about keeping your life private from everyone and enjoying that time alone? Because I get that, too… I hate having to talk to people about my private life and things going on. I’d rather just laugh and gossip about current events and then deal with my private life on my own.
Where u born in Ohio? Cuz if so I may be your long lost twin!!! I do the same thing constantly…. It’s like I’m lying to everyone to sound like I have a normal life…. But to be honest I just want to be alone in my room….. how old are u if u don’t mind me asking?? I’m 42F and at work I am the best version of myself , I excel in that environment. At home I’m completely dysfunctional and can’t even answer the phone! Feels Like I’m living a double life
I call this my social battery. It runs down regularly and I need to take time out. Even from the people I love very much. It took me a long time, but I just admit it now “you know I love you, but I just need to chill for a bit, can we do it another day?” Try to plan so you do only one exhausting thing each day, and plan your alone time into each day too.